I hate my in laws :(

[Russty Cat]

I've been with Mr. Cat for almost ten years now. In the beginning his parents where rather nice caring people. But I didn't always agree with the way they viewed things or how they choose to live their life. I tried to be respectful and nice as long as they weren't hurting me or pushing their views on me. As years have gone on they have gotten worse. They don't like alot of things I do like take holidays with my girlfriends once a year to see concerts or spend the weekend at my girlfriends so we can eat pizza, be silly, and watch music videos of U2 and Pearl Jam. Totally harmless and Mr. Cat doesn't mind at all and always makes sure to take care of our kids while I'm gone so I don't have to worry about them. He is a great father and loves spending time with our kids.

Over the last year my in laws have become worse and worse. They make snide comments and tell me what I should be doing as a parent and then state that once they move near us don't plan on them being a babysitter for us. Hello they are your grand kids! I have never said I would expect them to babysit, but I thought once in a while they would like to be involved in their grandkids lives. I thought this was the point of them moving near us. So they have been here for 2 solid weeks. We have seen them twice in that whole time. My daughter who is 7 has been asking why "daddies parents" as she has started calling them instead of grandma and grandpa, don't like her and don't want to see her? It was her birthday on Monday. Did they come see her or bring her a gift? Nope. I tried to distract her so she didn't realize they didn't come over, but she still brought it up.

I got a phone call today that was the final straw. It was my SIL who wanted to know what she had done to make our in laws not like them anymore? She was thinking that because her sons are from a previous marriage that maybe they didn't want to be as involved with them since they weren't their biological grand children. She was very upset and feels that somehow she has done something wrong. I assured her that it wasn't her or the kids. That my in laws are just big jerks.

I just don't get how these two people who use to make such a big deal about family don't want to be part of these great little kids lives. I could care less about me, but don't dick around with my kids emotions. They make a big deal about coming here and get these kids all excited and then treat them like complete crap. I'm tired of it and I swear when they come by tomorrow to say bye as they leave town it will take every ounce of strength I have not to just go off on them. I swear I wish there was some way to just get rid of them all together, everyone in this family would be so much better.

 

[Lila64]

I'm sorry you are having such a bad time with the in-laws
What are the chances that your husband can have a talk with them?

 

[Carek1230]

I had problems with my in laws (or Out Laws as I used to call them--mainly just the MIL, the poor FIL was so hen pecked and bossed around and was such a sweet man really) Anyway I would ask my Ex to speak to his parents and he didn't have the cajones to do it. Long story short, we got divorced and my son learned over the years that his dad's parents were selfish materialistic jerks. I am glad they haven't been in my life.

In your situation it sounds like perhaps your hubby should speak to his folks. If nothing is said, if this is not dealt with and it can be done in a friendly mature way (unless the in laws choose to be idiots about it in which case forget it altogether as sad as it seems) then trust me, as it happened to me, it will get worse before anything has a chance to get better.

When I was young my mom's mother didn't like me and made it obvious to everyone despite the fact I was the eldest grandchild. When my son came along, the first great grandchild, she made it well known and obvious she didn't care for him either. As she grew older and to the end of her life - she passed away last week - she made her ammends and apologized to me and to my son. I never lost respect for her as I was raised to respect my elders no matter what, but it gave her great relief to be relieved of the guilt and for her apologies to be accepted. Just hearing her talk about it was enough for me. I will never ever forget that last conversation I had with her.

Family. It's pretty important. Especially these days for kids.

Hey! Aren't you the one who moved to OR into that old church you bought?

 

[BonosBaby12]

Im sorry Russty Perhaps your husband having a talk with his parents will do something. That's just completely wrong for grandparents to snub their grandchildren like that

I used to have a friend who is in the similiar situation that you are. She could do no right in her in laws eyes and the MIL was basically a bitch. To make matters worse her husband had been married before and already had 2 children out of that marriage. His parents doted on those children but basically ignored my friends daughters when they were born. My friend's husband in the beginning wouldn't say anything to his parents. But he eventually got to the point where he spoke up about it. Told them that they either start acknowledging his daughters or they cut all ties with him. Hopefully this isn't what it comes down to with your situation. Good luck

 

[Mr. BAW]

I my in-laws!!!!

They stay on their side of the county and I stay on mine; honestly, they know that I take care of their daughter and their grandkids, they know she has a roof over her head, fridge full of food and cars in the garage; they also know that I will always be there for her and that they can call or come over anytime they want but twice a year, Thanksgiving and Christmas, works for all of us...is good enough for us...!

PLUS...I'm 4 years older than my "step-father in law" so he knows I'll kick his ass if he starts up!!!

 

[Carek1230]

 

[OceanGirl]

Russty, I can relate. My husband's mother and step father live down the road from us and the only time they ever come to see our kids is on their birthday's. Even then they will only come if my husband rings them that day to "invite" them over!

 

[Angela Harlem]

I can kind of relate, Russty. My sister in law has never met either of my daughters. I assume this means she doesn't like them? While this makes me feel incredibly angry (where I can relate perhaps to your situation), I know that it is her loss and based on something amiss with her. Not us, per se. Sure, she's angry over something (or rather the dick she married is angry), but she is losing and she is the one carrying this weird Jerry Springer-esque life around with her. My daughters dont and looks like wont, ever know her. And that will always hurt and piss me off more than I can say. But I know they can be happy without knowing her. Aunt Penny simply doesn't visit. They will work it out for themselves when they are old enough.

I suspect yours will, too. Look at your daughter working out that her "daddy's parents" aren't visiting. They're awfully observant. And while they observe what we wish they wouldn't, to protect them, they also observe where wisdom bypasses us as adults. All I'd say you can do is do what you already are. Love them, ensure they know it. They will be ok. Make sure you are ok with seeing this happen to them, though. Take care, huh.

 

[Russty Cat]

Thank you guys it helps to know that I'm not alone in the situation. I really wanted to give them hell when they dropped by the other day, but I didn't because all the kids where here and it just wouldn't be cool to have them see their mom and aunt yelling at their grandparents. Mr. Cat told me that he is going to call and speak with them about everything. I've really given up and decided to not worry about them. Its their loss if they don't want to be involved with my kids. My BIL and SIL have really stepped up to the plate and are being really great. Over the weekend we spent alot of time with them and they even took our two kids with theirs to the movies to see Ice Age 2. My oldest daughter thought that was the coolest thing, cuz she got to have fun and her dad and I got some time alone. She is very observant and knows that her dad and I don't get alot of time together. It was so nice to know they were with people that loved them having fun and we got to relax a bit for a few hours.

Mr. Baw you have the right attitude about it all. But it did crack me up a bit thinking about you giving a beating to your FIL.

Carek that was me who was buying my dream church. Sadly things did not work out. My youngest daughter has to have surgery and we felt that it would be better to stay here with doctors she is comfortable with. At this point we aren't sure if she is going to need life time care for the problem or not. Sometimes we have to do the right thing for other people and put what we want on hold. When you step back though and look at the big picture, I'm a very lucky lady with a wonderful husband and two beautiful kids. As long as they are with me I will be , happy where ever I am. My husband is so sweet. He knew I was sad about not getting to move to a new house to decorate, so he moved furniture around in the house to make it seem like a new place. How can you be sad with a sweet man like that in your life.

 

[indra]

Carek that was me who was buying my dream church. Sadly things did not work out. My youngest daughter has to have surgery and we felt that it would be better to stay here with doctors she is comfortable with. At this point we aren't sure if she is going to need life time care for the problem or not. Sometimes we have to do the right thing for other people and put what we want on hold. When you step back though and look at the big picture, I'm a very lucky lady with a wonderful husband and two beautiful kids. As long as they are with me I will be , happy where ever I am. My husband is so sweet. He knew I was sad about not getting to move to a new house to decorate, so he moved furniture around in the house to make it seem like a new place. How can you be sad with a sweet man like that in your life.

That was very sweet of your husband.

And best wishes for your daughter's surgery. Hope it all goes well.

 

[Carek1230]

[QUOTE
Carek that was me who was buying my dream church. Sadly things did not work out. My youngest daughter has to have surgery and we felt that it would be better to stay here with doctors she is comfortable with. At this point we aren't sure if she is going to need life time care for the problem or not. Sometimes we have to do the right thing for other people and put what we want on hold. When you step back though and look at the big picture, I'm a very lucky lady with a wonderful husband and two beautiful kids. As long as they are with me I will be , happy where ever I am. My husband is so sweet. He knew I was sad about not getting to move to a new house to decorate, so he moved furniture around in the house to make it seem like a new place. How can you be sad with a sweet man like that in your life. [/B][/QUOTE]


Awwww Russty I am sorry to hear about your daughter and will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. And yes, you are absolutely blessed with the man who is your husband! What a very sweet thing he did movign the furniture around, or re-arranging it! He's a keeper, no matter if his folks can drive you nuts. Hang in there, hun, and I completely understand about having to step back sometimes to look at the bigger picture and make sacrifices for others sometimes, especially for our children. I hope your daughter gets only the very best of care where you are. I am sure you made the right decision!

 

[Lila64]

That was very sweet of your husband.

And best wishes for your daughter's surgery. Hope it all goes well.

^What she said