i fall down, help+ tragic love

[girlhappy]

Julie says:John, i am getting nowhere, hope to get somewhere someday,and hope to get some employment someday too.
As for the song I fall down , this song and few others literally keep me going. I fall down is like ...it was written for me. I feel so much closeness to early Bono right now, because, i am out of control, i want to get up when i wake up, but when i wake up i fall down, i have lost someone, and the only thing that makes difference is:I dont have "Ali". Instead, i am in love with a friend and he is gay (even though sometimes he is acting like he is my boyfreind).I was standing next to him yesterday and thought: damn, i really love this boy,and why cant i be with him? We have this kinda soulmates connection, and we were walking through the beautiful forest, i was talking to him all the time like: John i am getting nowhere, and he accepted and he is not u2 fan. I know it all sounds really confused, as i am. I shouldnt meet him, but i was deperate beacuse of the tragic loss. So i have turned to him for help.And i knew, there is a danger to renew these deep feelings for him.And it all came back to me, like a boomerang.
Tiny dancer, i need your help, i still have a hard time.
I have 2 nightmares and i am so exhausted. I feel like a zombie. But i cant get enough of sleep, because of all that shit in my life right now, and I NEED NEW DREAMS TONIGHT. I really dont understand why is life so cruel?One sadness is not enough, i cant find any comfort anywhere. The only comfort i have:Electric Co,Twilight, An cat dubh, I fall down.

 

[For Honor]

I don't really know what to say... I guess the only thing I can say is that you'll always be searching if you look for happiness outside of yourself. Especially when you don't have any momentum going for you in your life.


Best wishes to you

 

[For Honor]

please don't take this the wrong way, it's just something that came to mind...

(I know it's hard to believe that I, out of all people am saying this, but...)

girlhappy, maybe you shouldn't think about yourself so much. I mean, I understand the circumstance, but this has been going on for a while now... (and maybe this is just a horrible period in your life, and if so, I'm sorry for that. But I figure I'll take a different perspective on it, even if I seem cold or mean.) Just know that I'm trying to help you.


I mean, in every sentance, you used "I", "me" or "my". "my pain", etc. (I do that often, too, though). It is evident that a lot of things are hurting you, but maybe you need to stop thinking about yourself so much. Is there anything that you can occupy your time with, rather than thinking about how bad things are for you?

Again, I don't mean to be harsh. But sometimes people brainwash themselves with so much negative thought, reinforcing bad events around them, that it just makes them worse and worse.

It seems like you're having hard time, and you've been so for a while now. Is there anything you can do, that is productive, and even just take your mind off of things for a while?

I guess I don't know your situation as well as others do, so I suppose I should be quiet for a while.


Sometimes, though, the most uplifting thing is realizing how much you do have, regardless of how much you have lost. There is always a taller mountain; there is always someone who has more success in an area than you do. But there is also always someone who is worse off, someone who would be glad to trade his or her life for your own.

Most things are about perspective....

Anyhow..... I really do hope that you can feel better about things soon. I know you can do it, and I have faith in you, too. Don't be afraid to try new things... it seems like what you're doing now isn't working very well

 

[girlhappy]

Maybe you are right, partly. But, the thing is i cant find a job!That is why is situation more cruel. maybe i am using too much "I sentences", but i am willing to do some volonteer work, i am going to the fitness club every night, meeting people, you know, really trying... but death of someone you love is not that easy. Maybe you(lucikly) didnt have such an experience. That is the main problem. I saw my family reunited for a while. They all had same loss, but they are coping! I am telling you, like Bono sais...i felt 1000 times more than most people, and i believe him. Same here, exept for his faith. Second, i didnt ask to love someone who doesnt love me same way. It just...happened. But, really, i think i got your point and you are right partly. The other part is: there is so much pain in my life, and this pain is real, i am way too emotional So, try to imagine. You know, the thing is:i wanted so much to have normal life, to work and especially to help other people. But first i have to be a bit stronger with myself, think. You are young , and dont know about the hell of looking for a job for 2 years and how that can effect your self-esteem.

 

[For Honor]

true, I don't. And I don't mean to sound like I do.

And, just for the record, I'm not the most compassionate person, at times. So I apologize if I am too cold on things like this.

I guess if I was in your shoes for 2 years like that, my state of being would be a little bit different. I hope that some other people here can assist you more effectively, I'm sure they will. I guess all I can do is continue to wish for some good fortune to come your way.

(see, I did it too...... "I" in every sentance )

 

[hiphop]

there is so much pain in my life, and this pain is real, i am way too emotional

Many blessings your way. If there´s anything I can do, tell.

 

[tiny dancer]

Girlhappy I am so sorry about what is all happening to you all at once. This does not help your greving period any better. Right now try not to be so hard on yourself. I would do that to myself and I still do. Is there anyone like a grief counseler that you could talk to? If so do it. It would be a great help to you. please remember to take care of yourself.

 

[causalitycalls]

Sounds like you really are having a rough time.
As for the job hunt-just apply every friggin where you can. Several of my friends have 4 yr degrees, spent 1 yr looking for that perfect job and are now waitressng-sucks, but it pays the bills (I took the cowards way out and stayed in school).
As for love, I've been there but mine was a little different. I fell for a guy who fell for me, but we were both in seperate relationships (and still are) that we couldn't break. I mean this guy was the mirror image of my soul, but he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time of my life and it 's completely unfair, unjust, etc....but that's just how it goes sometimes. We agreed that apparently our fate was to be friends and let it go at that. So everytime you catch yourself thinking romatically of this guy, just think of him kissing another man and remeber "damn, can't go there". Appreciate him for the friend he is instead of fretting over the love you can't have. Then quit looking for love-like most other things, it will find you when the time is right.
As for loss-yes, it does royally hurt. But just think of it from your loved one's point of view-they would never want you to be in so much pain over their death. A better way to honor them is to think about the happy times you shared and how your family came together in the midst of this tragedy. This is kind of morbid (and please don't take this suicidally) but think of what would happen if you died-would you want your family to still be in pain months later or to focus on the good times and remeber you with a smile?
Then take a piece of paper and write down all the good things that are happening in your life-sounds like you've got a great friend, you're hitting the gym and getting in shape, you've got an awesome taste in music, etc... and post that list on your bathroom mirror so you see it every morning. Focus on the positive until the negative doesn't seem so bad anymore. Just because you're an emotional person doesn't mean all your emotions have to be bad. Use the power to make youself extrodinarily happy. I'm not really that emotional myself, but my sister is and when she's happy she looks like she makes the sun shine all by herself-I'd love to have that kind of power, so use it for good. It's easy to get bogged down in the bad stuff in life-accept the challenge and look for the good stuff. Works for Bono (I can't even imagine working in Africa and seeing all that tragedy and still being positive about the world).
Most importantly always remeber that there is ALWAYS someone worse off than you-trust me.
(hope that was helpful and not just me rambling)

 

[girlhappy]

Cause hardness, it sets in
You need some protection
The thinner the skin

That would be it

 

[hiphop]

Cause hardness, it sets in
You need some protection
The thinner the skin

That would be it

You make my heart ache.. I so feel for you..



Protection, is there any you can get? You can´t be protected of some things, but you know.. you are not all alone in this world.

 

[For Honor]

How are you doing, girlhappy?

 

[girlhappy]

I am feeling a bit better, thank you. I spent a lot of time with my family this weekend. I have been in some really great families in the country. Kids, warmth... But, now, back to reallity. For Honor, everything would be better if i only had a job. You know, i have noticed, just playing with kids means a world to me. As for guy i love...i sent him text message, he never answered. Still, i sent him another one , full of love and care( he isnt well too) and i felt better. I mean,...it was like i was raising above this small things like...ego-trips..(you know, like he never answered)and just gave him my love and care no matter what. What do you think?Am i wrong? Because"I dont have the limit of what we got".

 

[For Honor]

I don't know...


I will say this, though. There are sensitive people in the world, and if you are one of them, it is very important that you have relationships with other sensative people, regardless of how attractive un-sensative ones are. I'm not saying it does or does not apply to your immediate situation, girlhappy, it's just something I felt like expressing, because of what I have seen before my own eyes.

anyhow...


It is good to give someone love, and I think unconditional love is a beautiful thing. But it is fair to want(and receive) something back in return for your efforts, too.

You seem to be a family + kids orientated person, and there's nothing wrong with that. If you can, try to use that strength of yours as best you can. Some people are meant to be around children and take care of them. Others are not.


"I don't have the limit of what we got"

^ I don't understand what that means

 

[girlhappy]

It is about situation with that boy. You know, we are have somewhat strange relationship, somewhere between friendship and who knows what else. i mean, iknow ilove him deeply, because i feel he is my solulmate, but he always acts different. At one point he is very closer to me. next...he dissapears. Id say, very mature The thing is he has really bad situation at home and he is very unhappy about it(his family is falling apart) so i am worried. But, still, i am also not so good, as you know, and i dont allow myself to act that way. He thinks he will always have me on his side, but thats why i am telling you i dont know the limit of what we got. Is this friendship?I dont think so. Friends dont disappear. Is it Love?I dont think so, love also includes reponsibillity. So, what is this? I know he has feelings for me, but sometimes i fell like he doesnt know what to do with those feelings. Pushing me away is his way out obviously. Or am i just asking too much? Should i just accept "what we got" and see him from time to time, spend some wondereful time out of this world and then go home and cry?Because we cant be together for some reason? Ot just try to forget him, but i obviously cant do it.
How can i have this soulmate connection with someone who is imposible to be with?