I cried at work today

[pattip2000]

I work at a doctor’s office and we have a massage therapist who uses the office on weekends to see clients. Because it’s mostly our patients who see her, or people they refer, we schedule her appointments for her and call her on Fridays to tell her when she needs to be there. We’ve always known that there is a little bit of a concern about male clients being in the office alone with our therapist, and she has tried to train us on some things to look out for to try and feel out if a guy is going to be creepy. And it’s always been left up to our judgment and if we feel like someone is creepy we totally allowed to tell them that we don’t have any appointments available. We’ve done that in the past when people we thought were questionable. And of course our therapist knows that she can cancel any appointment at any time for any reason and no one would question her one bit.

A couple of weeks ago there was a random guy who called for an appointment. I was the one who took that call, I think sometimes there is a fine line between creepy and an old southern guy. So I thought this guy was just a little off because he sounded older. It ended up that he was creepy and well he didn’t do or try anything during his massage; he certainly made our therapist feel uncomfortable. If any of you are massage therapists, I guess you would know better what that it, but my understanding is that he wigged her out by watching her during the massage and making comments on how pretty she is (she is very pretty). Of course, I feel like the biggest asshole in the world for not being able to tell this guy was a jerk and putting this girl in a dangerous position. So after that incident she has requested that we don’t schedule her anymore new male clients, unless they are people we already know or referred by people we know well, if she is going to be in the office alone. No problem. I was even happy to call the jerk and tell him he can’t come back to our office (I wanted him to know that he did something wrong and give him the number of a male massage therapist we refer to(i'm very nice and helpful that way )).

So this guy called today asking for an appointment, fist I tried to tell him that we aren’t accepting new clients at this time, but he had a gift certificate that someone had given him that he wanted to use. So I don’t feel like it would be fair to him for not let him use it, so I scheduled him for a time tomorrow that I can go in an hang out while he is there, you know make a lot of noise so he knows other people are in the office. And really in talking with this guy, he seems fine. I doubt there is any chance (from talking to him) that he would do anything inappropriate. So it’s not this particular guy that go me upset, it’s the situation. After I got off the phone with him I was thinking about the situation and how fucked up it is. What a fucked up world we live in where we have to think about and plan for shit like this. It’s so not fair. I know, I know, very girl in the world has to deal with stuff like this. We have to think more carefully about where we go and what we do than guys. It just sucks so much.

That’s what did it to me. I was sitting there thinking about how fucked up things are and my coworker came back and saw my face and thought something really horrible had happened. I told her that I was just upset that this even has to be an issue, and I think as a female she understood what I was saying but didn’t get why I’d be so upset/ angry/ frustrated with the situation. There is rage inside of me that things like this have to be dealt with.

I don’t even want to get started on my bosses reaction or non reaction to this. I’ve talked to him about this issue in the past and he just doesn’t GET what I’m trying to say. He really isn’t a jerk, he is a great guy and has a great heart, but it somehow doesn’t translate through his male brain that this is a big deal. If anything were to ever happen he has no idea how much is could effect our therapist and for how long.

I’m sorry to go on such a long rant here, but I left work four and a half hours ago and I’m still worked up about this. It’s a mixture of incredible sadness and so much anger that I can’t shake. Hopefully someone can tell me that I’m not crazy and I’m not over reacting and that this world is incredible fucked up, so I can at least not feel alone in this.

 

[Lila64]

I’m not crazy and I’m not over reacting and that this world is incredible fucked up, so I can at least not feel alone in this.

This is a fucked up world, and you are not alone. Sorry I don't have more words of wisdom...

 

[redhotswami]

That must be so frustrating. That sucks that you had to be the one to handle that situation. I really do think you did very will at it though You were very professional, and I'm sure things will play out fine. You're probably feeling a whirlwind of emotions because it is such a heavy situation to deal with. But you did it, and you did great! You took precautions, and yeah, even though it is fucked up that you even HAD to in the first place, the fact that you did it so well, says a lot.

Hopefully you'll be able to rest a bit and put yourself at ease. It is a huge burden for someone to handle by themselves, but you did it. Well done!

 

[pattip2000]

Thank you for your kind words Lila and Mia. I actually do feel a little better now. I still think the world sucks sometimes, oh well.

 

[Got Philk?]

Sometimes men can be...

I'll let you finish that sentence b/c you see it. Some men do too. It's the ones who don't who ruin it.

I'm sorry you even have to deal with this. I hope everything works out alright with this.

 

[Liesje]

Patti, I agree it's a shame you even have to make these calls (literally, too). There's a man in my department that I've always felt acted inappropriate around some of our receptionists (luckily, I don't seem to be cute enough to attract his attention). Then two co-workers told me things about his past that made me feel even more uncomfortable. It sucks because I see him every day and can't help but avoid him or make judgments, even if he doesn't behave inappropriately towards me personally.

 

[kafrun]

Well I'm female and a massage therapist and this is something we have to deal with on a regular basis. You definitely have to be aware of it and assertive, but having a supportive staff behind you makes all the difference. Good for you for looking out for her. Some men are just clueless and don't get the fact that certain behaviours or comments are really inappropriate in a clinical situation, but those guys are usually harmless. Nonetheless, it's stressful for a female therapist when you don't know that guy's intentions and it can put you on edge.

Like I said, your support and flexibility on your therapist's behalf are a really wonderful thing Not all of us have that luxury.

 

[Ormus]

I don’t even want to get started on my bosses reaction or non reaction to this. I’ve talked to him about this issue in the past and he just doesn’t GET what I’m trying to say. He really isn’t a jerk, he is a great guy and has a great heart, but it somehow doesn’t translate through his male brain that this is a big deal.

I hear you. I think many men are like this, and don't realize that what they consider to be "charm" is blatantly offensive.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Patti you really did handle the situation well Sucks majorly that any kind of crap like this is a possibility! Sure the therapist feels a lot better knowing that she has someone looking out for her safety

 

[VintagePunk]

Patti, I think what is incredibly unfair is that you're expected to make a judgement as to the "creepiness" factor of any given male during what probably amounts to a two minute telephone call! I don't think that should rest on your shoulders. It's virtually impossible to be able to tell what someone's behaviour would be like with that little information, unless the person is blatently creepy while making an appointment, which I would guess doesn't happen all that often. Ideally, what should happen is that someone should be in the office with her for all new clients. This would protect her, and it would also prevent turning away potential clients who probably won't do anything wrong. Of course, it all comes down to money, and the fact that an extra person would have to be paid to be there.

 

[Utoo]

Patti

 

[pattip2000]

Thank you everyone for you supportive words. It’s good to hear other girls understand and nice to see some male support here, too.

As expected everything went just fine yesterday. I was a little anxious about it on my way in, not because I thought anything would happen but because I didn’t want to get upset again in front of the therapist. I hadn’t let her know at all that I was upset about it, all she knew was she has a new male client and I have left her a message that I’d be in while he was there.

VP- you are right, a lot of this has to do with money and not paying another person to be there while she is seeing clients. It’s not something that’s going to change in my office. The main reason is that our therapist is technically an independent contractor not an employee, she only comes in when there is appointments and in a round about way pays us to “rent” our space. It’d be really hard legally, if not impossible to hire someone extra to come in only when she needs them. I don’t think you can say to an employee that we need you to be available to work on the weekends but only come in when we need you, and it will probably only be an hour or two every few weeks. Who the heck is going to be willing to do that. I’ve only gone in one other time recently when she has had someone new, and that time I just played on the internet while she was seeing them, so I didn’t even put that on my timesheet, I don’t even know if my boss knew I did that. Yesterday, I was there for a couple hours and actually got other work done while I was there, so I’m putting that down. I think I’m pretty honest about it, if I’m there doing nothing but hanging out, I’m not going to charge my boss for the time (even though I know I could), but if I’m getting other stuff done, I’m going to put the time down. it’s not that big of a deal for me to go in once in a while on the weekends, I live really close to the office and if I don’t have anything else to do I don’t mind doing it. Like I said before, it’s just sucks that anyone would have to worry about it.