I am afraid of having children.....

[u2loopy]

Wow, thanks for your awesome opinions. And a special thanks to Bono's American Wife, and Gypsyheartgirl. What great posts!

I'm still scared to have them!!

 

[BabyGrace]

I can perfectly understand where you are coming from. I'm not exactly at a point in my life where Im thinking about having kids (damn scary thought actually!) but from what Im going thru it seems like a crime to bring something so innocent into a world where nothings like its supposed to be, people are all just scared and running from themselves and each other, and nobody really knows what they want besides some vague, elusive idea of happiness. i think it must be so hard for a parent to watch their child realize that life isnt so pretty.

but then I think about it, and doesn't it seem like our hope lies with the fresh chance we're given with each little new life? and Ive heard so much about how a parent realized so much more about their own life after they had children. I think fear of having kids is fairly normal, but I also think its one of those things that is filled with tons of small miracles and new hope you can't even anticipate.

 

[JessicaAnn]

I am one of those who would like to have children someday. Sure it's scary (for all of the reasons everyone has mentioned), but it's a fear I am willing to embrace. Who knows, the child you have might one day change the world for the better?

 

[Stories for Boys]

i'd love to have kids, but not in the near future. i'm only 17, and my best friend has a 10 month old. i love her daughter, but i think she made some poor decisions. i love kids, and am concidering becoming a pediatrician. i think they are a joy, and, as scared as i am of messing up, i think it's worth it.

this is my opinion, but i respect those of you who don't want kids. but i'm sure, and this thread has proved, that this fear is a very normal thing.

 

[dream wanderer]

Just to counter-act some of those ob horror stories you hear...my daughter and youngest son were born in less than three hours. That's right. Right to the hospital...and there they were. When I'm mad at them I can't use the old "I was in labor with you for 36 hours!" Three hours doesn't make much of an impression My oldest son was a bit longer...seven hours...but it wasn't difficult. No complications...
The pain is bad...but its not continious...you have a contraction...you rest. And you know you are accomplishing something...its not pain for pain's sake...and you know there will be a result when its all over...and it will be over.

Well...my youngest son did decide to come three weeks early for some odd reason....but he was ok...

I don't regret having my kids and they have bought me more joy than pain. ....but I didn't have my odest till I was 24. I could not have had him when I was any younger. I was still too immature and too selfish and spoiled...by the time I was 24 I had started to grow up and became more concerned with other people and not focus so much on myself...and I would reccomend anyone reading to NOT have kids until you feel you have reached a similar place in your own lives....

dream wanderer


dream wanderer

 

[BAW]

Just to counter-act some of those ob horror stories you hear...my daughter and youngest son were born in less than three hours. That's right. Right to the hospital...and there they were. When I'm mad at them I can't use the old "I was in labor with you for 36 hours!" Three hours doesn't make much of an impression My oldest son was a bit longer...seven hours...but it wasn't difficult. No complications...
The pain is bad...but its not continious...you have a contraction...you rest. And you know you are accomplishing something...its not pain for pain's sake...and you know there will be a result when its all over...and it will be over.


dream wanderer

I also had no problems giving birth, even as unprepared as I was for motherhood! My first son came in exactly 12 hours and my labor was manageble with pain meds. I was really groggy though and at one point didn't recognize my mom so I decided to have the next one drug free.

He came in less than 4 hours, no drugs, no epidural weighing almost 9 pounds. But, it still wasn't that bad.

Its really strange, but for me at least, the moment each child was born, I completely forgot the pain of labor. I've heard lots of other mothers say the same thing too so it must be true!

Like I said before, the actual birth experience was not really the scary part of having kids, it was when I took them home that I panicked!

I have given this topic a lot of thought since my original post and even though I didn't take to motherhood right away and was really unsure of myself, I realize now that my boys have brought me so much happiness, I don't know what my life would be like without them. I can honestly say that its all been worth it

 

[SweetOnU2]

This is going to sound very weird, but I LOVE children. I love working with children, as a matter of fact the profession that I'm going into is working with children. So you would think I can't wait to have one right? I don't know, I don't see myself as the "parent" type. I just saw a friend of mine who I haven't seen since we graduated from High School and she has a 4 yr old daughter.... 4 other friends from HS have kids... and I'm like DAMN!

I'm not afraid of the pain of having a child.. I know you suffer to bring children into this world.. I've been witnessed to my little niece being born.... and it's so beautiful when a baby is born and the mother gets to see it for the first time and all. I dunno.

And yes I can understand not bringing a child into this world... that is so messed up and all... but I dunno. I've been working with children who are considered to be "at-risk" by Social Services... and they are NOT bad children at all.. I love working with them.. I like the challenge that they bring...I like trying to understand where they are coming from and in many cases how they have been victims of society... they help me see things through a different perspective, and I get so much joy and get a good feeling when I know I made a difference in a child's life in some sort of a way. I have all the patience in the world when it comes to children... I love hanging out with my 8 year old nephew who I adore to death... and my two 1 1/2 year old nieces... but me having a child? For some reason it's hard for me to imagine!

And I've always felt this way, since I was a kid. I dunno.... I do want to adopt, even though my family tells me "It's not the same as having your own children." To me it doesn't matter if a child came out of my body, I feel you can love that child as if it were your own. So maybe adoption will be a choice for me to consider in years to come! LOL For now, the kids that I work with give me all the joy I need!

 

[Angel]

I am afraid I won't have the opportunity to even make this choice... Finding love in this world is like winning the lottery.
As for the not wanting raise your kids in 'this kind of society' I can see your fears, but how to improve such said society without better, loving people? I plan to improve the gene pool if given the chance. lol

I think experiencing pregnancy would be one of the coolest things. Call me a freak... I am used to it.

Unfortunately, I don't have much use for babies... why can't they come out five years old?

 

[adamswildhoney]

I agree with U2loopy! I scared about having children and getting older because I see the way that my gram is and I don't want to become that dependent on someone to help. Life is a scary thing!

I don't know if I will ever have kids because all of the good guys are taken! ie Bono (Haha, Hes to old for me, but you guys get what I mean)

 

[Bonochick]

Unfortunately, I don't have much use for babies... why can't they come out five years old?

Baby's actually scare me because they are so helpless and dependent. One of my best friends loves babies but doesn't love kids as much though, so I said she could have a baby, and then I'll take over when the child turns 4 or 5. *lol*

 

[meegannie]

Baby's actually scare me because they are so helpless and dependent. One of my best friends loves babies but doesn't love kids as much though, so I said she could have a baby, and then I'll take over when the child turns 4 or 5. *lol*

Hey! One of my friends and I had this same plan!!! Except I was going to get the baby (not have it, though!) and then on their 13th birthday, hand them over to my friend who likes teenagers. Sounds like a good idea to me!

 

[NYbrowneyedgirl]

Except I was going to get the baby (not have it, though!) and then on their 13th birthday, hand them over to my friend who likes teenagers. Sounds like a good idea to me!

Thats a great idea! I have a 13 year old daughter, and I'm not liking it. This age is the toughest I've had to deal with so far. I wouldl take a baby-toddler anyday over a teen-ager, they don't talk back (usually).

 

[Discoteque]

I agree with you loopy about the pain and the society part. Natural? What's so "natural" about pushing a something the size of a watermelon out of a space the size of a...well...banana?? YUCK!! Personally...I just don't like kids (speaking of confessions). I never really have, and I don't have much of a maternal instinct, even toward my own neices and nephews. Five minutes with them and I'm all: "Okay, I'm done. Can I go home now?" I also think that too many people have too many children for far TOO MANY wrong reasons (i.e., it's expected of them, their parents want to become grandparents, they want someone to love them, etc.). I know everyone says it's different when it's your own kid(s), but I've also had many people tell me that if they could do it over again, they wouldn't have had kids. That's sobering. And sad.

Plus my mom told me (this could be a woman thing) that once you become pregnant, you NEVER EVER stop worrying about....pretty much everything. I've got enough worries trying to take care of ME let alone another human being (heck, or even a dog!).

Kids = no thanks.

I am too much of a coward to have children. It's not the physical aspect of giving birth that scares me. It's raising them in this society.

I don't have the guts to have children.

 

[Bono's shades]

The thought of having kids terrifies me too, for a lot of reasons. First there's the physical pain (I freak out over having extremely minor surgery, so I don't know how I would ever handle being in labor). Then there's the whole idea of having to be responsible for another person 24/7 for at least the next 18 years. I'm very independent and hate being tied down like that. Then there is the whole issue of working and being a mom. I have the highest respect for moms who stay home full-time with their kids (my own mom did), but I just can't see myself doing it, regardless of whether money is an issue or not. My career is very important to me, and I think I would go crazy being cooped with a child(ren) all day. And I've seen the struggles women who have children and a job outside the home go through - finding quality day care, feeling guilty about being away from their kids, etc. I honestly don't know how EITHER stay-at-home moms or moms working outside the home handle it! I think some people are just not cut out to be parents, and I'm one of them.

 

[BAW]

Re: Re: I am afraid of having children.....

I agree with you loopy about the pain and the society part. Natural? What's so "natural" about pushing a something the size of a watermelon out of a space the size of a...well...banana?? YUCK!! Personally...I just don't like kids (speaking of confessions). I never really have, and I don't have much of a maternal instinct, even toward my own neices and nephews. Five minutes with them and I'm all: "Okay, I'm done. Can I go home now?" I also think that too many people have too many children for far TOO MANY wrong reasons (i.e., it's expected of them, their parents want to become grandparents, they want someone to love them, etc.). I know everyone says it's different when it's your own kid(s), but I've also had many people tell me that if they could do it over again, they wouldn't have had kids. That's sobering. And sad.

Plus my mom told me (this could be a woman thing) that once you become pregnant, you NEVER EVER stop worrying about....pretty much everything. I've got enough worries trying to take care of ME let alone another human being (heck, or even a dog!).

Kids = no thanks.

GREAT post disco. I respect your honesty so much. Its really hard to admit you don't have maternal feelings. I have plenty of patience with my own kids but not so much for anyone elses.

And what your mom said is SO true, at least for me. I haven't stopped worrying since I found out I was pregnant for the first time...in 1984!

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

Okay, I know I am far to selfish to have children. I wouldn't know what to do with a baby even if it came with an instruction manual. Give me a kid that's 8 and I could deal with it. I think I would be a bad mother and I think I would resent the child for the first few years of it's life. This is why I don't want kids, I don't want to be a bad mother.
Also, I believe in the "spanking." Before you all jump all over me let me just say that this is not beating a child, this is a swat on the behind. I have encounterd far too many parents and children where the child has absolutely no respect for the adult. It makes me sick. My parents employed the "spanking" system and my siblings and I turned into respectful children and later adults. It's hard to explain, but if I had a child I would like them to know that there are consequences/rewards to their actions. I thank my parents every day for the fantastic job they did raising me. They laid the foundation for who I am and I am greatful. If i ever do have a child I would like to be able to give my child the same oppertunities as my parents gave me. They really had a great system of raising good kids!

 

[annalivia]

I had the same doubts and fears as many of you have now. It's a normal and sane reaction to the huge responsibility of motherhood. Our daughter is seven now. She's the best that happened to me in my entire life and my love for her is bigger than anything in this world.

I hate the horror stories about giving birth some women really love to tell. It was my first birth, we went to the hospital at 7.00 a.m and at 9.30 a.m. I held my baby for the first time. More than 30 years I had lived in fear because of the narrations of other women (including my own mother!) about their "terrible" birth. Forget it! Don't care about the birth! It's the least you have to worry about. The first weeks with a newborn are harder but not impossible to cope with.

Most of you are aware and strong young women. Use your heads and your hearts. Rely on yourself. Having children is the greatest thing in life.

anna

 

[Angela Harlem]

The thought doesn't concern me in the slightest. I dont have to look very far to see people a hell of a lot stupider than me, a lot less financially secure, a lot less emotionally organised, not even in a secure realtionship and if THEY can do it, so can I. Being a parent is by no means an easy job. But it isn't nuclear physics.

 

[ouizy]

the kids will be alright