indra
ONE love, blood, life
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- Jan 20, 2004
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Hey, he already has a girlfriend -- no need to stay in shape now! 
How to broach topic of boyfriend's appearance...
- Thread starter AttnKleinkind
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If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Bonoa
Refugee
MrPryck2U
ONE love, blood, life
Fuck metabolism for Christ's sake! The guy also doesn't give a shit about dressing nicely for her and getting a haircut. I'm not suggesting that she just walk up to him and ask him if he's depressed. DUH! I'm suggesting she ask him if he's got anything on his mind that might be bothering him. That it could possibly be depression. We've all gained and lost weight, but he's also not giving a shit about his overall appearance.
Bonoa
Refugee
^^ Angry?
mikal
Blue Crack Addict
yeah, because he's in a relationship. i know tons of men and women that do this. they get comfortable. that's all.
~BrightestStar~
Blue Crack Supplier
This.
Every now and then it's nice to dress up for each other, or wear something special that you know they really like - but there is no reason to change just to please him (or him for you).
Also true, him gaining a few pounds is hardly letting himself go.
And it can be a struggle to try and get those pounds off.
You did say you've been together for at least a year, consider it him telling you he plans to keep you around for awhile.
Also, I'm not sure we can really say he's let himself go. Sure, she likes his hair short - but maybe he prefers it a little longer. She wants him to wear contacts - my bf wears glasses and *hates* contacts, I bet if I asked he'd wear them once for me, but he would never make a habit of it, and I would never ask him to. As for his clothes, it doesnt sound like he's dressing like a bum.
So basically, he's put on a few pounds, and isn't as gym obsessed as he used to be. Life changes, I wouldn't be surprised if when he goes back to school he starts going to the gym more - he probably just has other things to do right now.
JanuaryStar
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
I think the bottomline is that people only drastically change (whether it's appearance or getting in shape or losing weight) when they truly want it for themselves deep down inside. Pressuring him to change is not going to help. He probably will even pay less attention to his health/appearance. That's how some people function. Others only change themselves for other people and aren't happy. About the whole depression discussion, I wouldn't go as far as to say he's depressed, but a lot of things about appearance/health/weight do in fact have to do with psychological matters. If someone's tired and not energetic and not feeling too great about themselves and being too busy with all kinds of things, it's usually difficult to take the step to start getting fit again and losing weight. It's a vicious circle. Only when the person really wants to change, it can happen. And then 'I don't have time' isn't an excuse. There's always time. If a person can't make time to go swimming or biking or whatever it is they like to do, then that means that a day of 24 hours is planned fully and in my view that's not even healthy to begin with. Just don't push him too much. You can ask him how he feels and stuff, but right now he's just in a period where he doesn't want to/can't pay a lot of attention to his health/appearance.
mad1
ONE love, blood, life
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AttnKleinkind
The Fly
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Hey everyone! I just wanted to thank all of you for the responses...and I'm sorry I couldn't respond earlier...I have been ridiculously busy with a summer course. 
Hm, so I'm not sure where to start! I decided on not saying anything yet, but when he does do stuff (like ride his bike, or have something healthier for lunch) I do make sure to encourage him in that. And I wanted to clarify, it's not that I had been nagging him, or pressuring him...I wasn't really saying a lot, I felt I was being subtly encouraging, but I wasn't sure if there was another way to go about it. Also, I definitely don't think he is depressed. I struggled with depression a couple of years ago, and so I'm pretty aware of the signs and symptoms. I think it's mostly just being out of the habit of being fit. Once the initial letting go, I think it's a lot harder to start it up again, and so it just gets worse. The thing is, he has been talking about getting back into shape since we first started dating, and only recently has there been an effort, and I was just getting frustrated with him just not doing anything about it. I think I'll wait until school starts, and see what happens. This isn't something that is really bothering me as much...I know I can't demand that he look a certain way (although I don't think I am really trying to change how he looks, just get back to how he looked when he was taking better care of himself).
Oh and I just remembered! Maybe this would change how this situation is seen: I remember him telling me a couple months into our relationship that he would hope that I would tell him if I felt he needed to lose weight; he's seen so many people get married and then gain weight, and at the time of the conversation, it sounded like he didn't want to do the same thing. He also said he would be comfortable letting me know if I just needed to do a bit more exercise. So I took that as being reason to think that he found it important that people in a relationship still make an effort to look good and please the other person. I still find him *incredibly* attractive, so I don't think it's just his looks that were bothering me; my attraction to him is still ridiculous, despite this weight gain, and I would be honest in saying he is still one of the most attractive people I have seen. I think mostly what was bothering me was, that I guess I felt like he should want to do things to look nice for me, or to do things I like (especially when one of those things concerns his own health), and the fact that he didn't seem to want to was bothering me. I don't know if this just sounds stupid, but I'm just being honest...shouldn't someone want to look good for the other person? Especially since he had said before about us being comfortable telling the other person to maybe go to the gym more often. I guess I just don't understand, with that precedent, why he wouldn't be responsive to my voicing my concerns of this very nature. It comes across to me as just not caring about my opinion of him, or that he doesn't care enough to put any real effort into looking good for me. If that makes sense.
Hm, so I'm not sure where to start! I decided on not saying anything yet, but when he does do stuff (like ride his bike, or have something healthier for lunch) I do make sure to encourage him in that. And I wanted to clarify, it's not that I had been nagging him, or pressuring him...I wasn't really saying a lot, I felt I was being subtly encouraging, but I wasn't sure if there was another way to go about it. Also, I definitely don't think he is depressed. I struggled with depression a couple of years ago, and so I'm pretty aware of the signs and symptoms. I think it's mostly just being out of the habit of being fit. Once the initial letting go, I think it's a lot harder to start it up again, and so it just gets worse. The thing is, he has been talking about getting back into shape since we first started dating, and only recently has there been an effort, and I was just getting frustrated with him just not doing anything about it. I think I'll wait until school starts, and see what happens. This isn't something that is really bothering me as much...I know I can't demand that he look a certain way (although I don't think I am really trying to change how he looks, just get back to how he looked when he was taking better care of himself).
Oh and I just remembered! Maybe this would change how this situation is seen: I remember him telling me a couple months into our relationship that he would hope that I would tell him if I felt he needed to lose weight; he's seen so many people get married and then gain weight, and at the time of the conversation, it sounded like he didn't want to do the same thing. He also said he would be comfortable letting me know if I just needed to do a bit more exercise. So I took that as being reason to think that he found it important that people in a relationship still make an effort to look good and please the other person. I still find him *incredibly* attractive, so I don't think it's just his looks that were bothering me; my attraction to him is still ridiculous, despite this weight gain, and I would be honest in saying he is still one of the most attractive people I have seen. I think mostly what was bothering me was, that I guess I felt like he should want to do things to look nice for me, or to do things I like (especially when one of those things concerns his own health), and the fact that he didn't seem to want to was bothering me. I don't know if this just sounds stupid, but I'm just being honest...shouldn't someone want to look good for the other person? Especially since he had said before about us being comfortable telling the other person to maybe go to the gym more often. I guess I just don't understand, with that precedent, why he wouldn't be responsive to my voicing my concerns of this very nature. It comes across to me as just not caring about my opinion of him, or that he doesn't care enough to put any real effort into looking good for me. If that makes sense.
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