How do I deal with this?

[TripThruUreWires]

yeah, what your roommate is doing is not cool. unfortunately, she's oblivious to basic dorm room etiquette. therin lies the dillema.

i agree that you shouldn't have to wear earplugs. firstly, the onus should not be put on you. secondly, even if you mute the noises, your mind is still keenly aware of what is going on.

it's equally ridiculous for you to have to be more or less kicked out of your own room.

so how do you bring it up? just be forthright and genuine as you are now. tell her that you want to speak to her about something that's been bothering you. let her know that the hanky panky taking place directly above you--while you're trying to sleep no less--makes you outright uncomfortable. indicate that you can understand she probably wants to be intimate with her significant other while he's visiting, but that it's unfair to you while that sort of stuff takes place with you there.

further qualify all of this by saying that you otherwise value her as a friend and appreciate her as your roomate.

don't be offended though if she opts to move out or selects another roommate at some point. hormones will often overshadow one's good sense.

 

[hiphop]

What MVD and Trip said.

Talk to her. They should get a motel.

 

[fly so high!]

Yeah for sure,speak up!......they need to get their own room,he must have a car or something, they can use that for christ sakes!

The farting sounds will do just fine!

 

[nbcrusader]

As with any relationship, communication plays a key role.

As shared accommodations, you do not have the full, unfettered right to use the room as you wish.

You shouldn't have to stress about the situation without her knowing how it makes you feel. You should jointly establish the "rules" of the dorm room that you are both willing to live by. If that means no overnight guests, so be it.

 

[MsGiggles]

I know exactly what you're talking about - In college I had a roommate that sounded like a seal - she caught me making fun of her one day to my friends and moved out a week later

 

[UberBeaver]

I think you should start laughing hysterically just as they really start getting into it.

Or get yourself a big bag of popcorn, a comfy chair, and kick back and watch the show.

And keep whispering "Yeah, yeah...I like to watch...yeah" all crazy like.

If you get along well, is it too much to say to your roomate that it's kinda annoying? Put the onus on her. And they can do all those great things in the daytime, when you're out.

 

[Numb1075]

^ you said "onus"

U2Dem - if it's bothering you THAT much, and it probably is since you are posting about it online here, I would be upfront and honest and tell her your thoughts. If you get along, it shouldn't be a big deal.

 

[Tarvark]

Just be carful with any harsh rules, you might end up in that situation latter

 

[joyfulgirl]

Why should you have to be inconvenienced by their raging hormones? That's silly. Maybe if it was once in a while, but every weekend - ridiculous.

You need to tell her to make alternate plans. That's why God made motels.

So she can't go visit him because she has no car so it's inconvenient, yet it's perfectly reasonable for you to be inconvenienced instead?

This is why I never, ever stayed in a dorm room with another person.

Exactly. I would never ever put up with it in a milion years. I don't agree that the lone person is the one that should have to find a place to sleep (although if that works for people, fine, it just wouldn't work for me). I think the couple needs to get a room. It's completely rude, disrepectful and selfish. They are placing their needs before yours every time.

 

[BluRmGrl]

Laura, you shouldn't be literally put out of your own place because roomie & her boyfriend want to play 'grab & giggle' at all hours. What you need to present to them are the following reasonable (but non-negotiable) terms, effective immediately:

- Upon Lover Boy's arrival, you will make yourself scarce for 2-3 hrs. or until an hour that you will specifically designate.

- Upon your return, in exchange for the several hours of privacy you've afforded them, they will keep their assorted noises to themselves.

- At the first infraction of this noise ordinance, you can offer to call out "Warning!" or "Check!" or "Shut It!"... whatever catchphrase you feel is appropriate.

- If any further noises disturb you, you should make it clear that without further warning you will enter the loft area & hose them down with cold water. I would then produce a spray bottle filled to it's capacity & labeled 'The Wet Blanket' to assure them that you will use it if your sleep is disturbed.

(I suggest a spray bottle with the adjustable, screw-type nozzle; they produce the best stream sprays & usually at a good distance. I know the whole idea may sound silly, but I'm completely serious. A bit of cold water won't hurt anyone or damage the bedding, but it sure will get their attention if you have to use it. It may even prompt them to find a truly private place to conduct their activities - which is what they should be doing in the first place!!!)


Good luck to you, whatever route you choose.

 

[U2democrat]

Laura, you shouldn't be literally put out of your own place because roomie & her boyfriend want to play 'grab & giggle' at all hours. What you need to present to them are the following reasonable (but non-negotiable) terms, effective immediately:

- Upon Lover Boy's arrival, you will make yourself scarce for 2-3 hrs. or until an hour that you will specifically designate.

- Upon your return, in exchange for the several hours of privacy you've afforded them, they will keep their assorted noises to themselves.

- At the first infraction of this noise ordinance, you can offer to call out "Warning!" or "Check!" or "Shut It!"... whatever catchphrase you feel is appropriate.

- If any further noises disturb you, you should make it clear that without further warning you will enter the loft area & hose them down with cold water. I would then produce a spray bottle filled to it's capacity labeled & 'The Wet Blanket' to assure them that you will use it if your sleep is distrubed.

(I suggest a spray bottle with the adjustable, screw-type nozzle; they produce the best stream sprays & usually at a good distance. I know the whole idea may sound silly, but I'm completely serious. A bit of cold water won't hurt anyone or damage the bedding, but it sure will get their attention if you have to use it. It may even prompt them to find a truly private place to conduct their activities - which is what they should be doing in the first place!!!)


Good luck to you, whatever route you choose.

I like that.

 

[BluRmGrl]

Like I said, it's fair, non-violent & completely reasonable.

 

[Sevikins]

If it'll work for cats, maybe it'll work for hormone-crazed kids too!


My .02? Just be honest I suppose... if it was on the other shoe, I'm sure that she'll probably feel just as weirded out as you do and tell you how it bothers her (as you feel currently).

 

[nbcrusader]

The spray bottle sounds like a good idea. I don't think you need to give them all that warning.

 

[BluRmGrl]

I don't think you need to give them all that warning

I only suggested the verbal warning in an attempt to be ultra-fair. I guess she could leave it out, depending on how generous she feels about the whole thing.

 

[phanan]

Sigh...I remember these days. Of course, my roommate and I were both guilty of doing this.

At first we had a kind of fun attitude about it, but as certain relationships became more serious, it was hard to work out a schedule.

Eventually I solved the problem myself - I became an RA and got my own room. Saved lots of money, and had plenty of sex without having to disturb anyone.

I'm not adding anything here probably, but I guess communication is the best way to go, and if it doesn't work, you might have to try a different roommate, as much of a pain that would be.



Or you could always videotape them in the act and then threaten to post it online if they don't stop.



Ok, I'm done now.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

Phanan you male slut!

 

[phanan]

 

[bono_man2002]

and had plenty of sex without having to disturb anyone..

I think you just did

 

[the rockin edge]

Or you could always videotape them in the act and then threaten to post it online if they don't stop.

best suggestion yet

 

[Ellay]

Simple answer, don't share a room (easier said than done I know)

I like my space though

 

[Night & Day]

2 Suggestions, if i may.

1. Tape record them, then play it back while you two are alone.
Let her know that you are not trying to embarass her, but that she is being unthoughtful
and this is what you have to listen to and its uncomfortable.

2. Borrow a male friend, ask him to PRETEND to make out with you and get naughty with you.
Make the same sounds at the same noise level, while they are both there.

Hopefully they will get a clue.

There should be no reason for you to leave YOUR home.
And i know its been asked, but why cant THEY get a motel?
Better yet, ask them to pay for a room for you.