How did you know?

[clarityat3am]

For those of you who are happily married or know that the one you're with is "the one", this question is for you. What made you realize that that person was the one you want to marry? Did you know early on in the relationship or later or somewhere in between? What made them different from all the rest?

 

[Dismantled]

I just got married this september to my boyfriend of 7 years we knew it from year 1

You'll get the feeling when you know its right or he/she is the one...cannot really explain it..you just"know"

 

[hedgehog]

Well, I was convinced my last relationship was with "the one", sadly I messed things up big time and it all went to pot.

Anyway, for me, its simply when I can connect with someone like no other (i.e. share humour, thoughts and all that, help each othe through the tough times and all, a lot of it boils down to trust and how you feel when you are with that special someone).

I don't think there is any set point where that happens, its just does, something has to click, whether it be 2 months or 2 years into a relationship.

Thats my thoughts anyway, even though my post probably makes no sense whatsoever.

 

[BVS]

It's all a lie, there is no "one".

Relationships take a lot of work. You have to find someone that you love and are willing to "work" with. It's the two of you against the world.

If one forgets that, or isn't willing to do that it will never work.

Maybe that's the cynic in me(the hopeless romantic in me is on vacation).

 

[clarityat3am]

I agree with you that it does take work, but at the same time I think it feels less like work if the person you're with feels the same about you as you do them. I know a lot of what makes that person "the one" for someone is sometimes hard to articulate and there might be a lot of intangible stuff, but I think after a while that you can definitely separate what makes them different from everyone else.

 

[For Honor]

That's a great signature, clarityat3am

==

As for people.......

I'm a romantic cynic, so I think I might be totally screwed in this department....

The only advice I can offer is what I've read, because obviously I'm not married, etc. A certain level of initial compatibility is neccesary, but so too is the desire to "work for it". But if you don't have that initial compatiblity, (I know it's vague, but I don't have/remember any good ways to measure it off the top of my head), then you will have an incredibly difficult time for long term things.

 

[clarityat3am]

That's a great signature, clarityat3am

Thanks! It was classic Larry.

 

[HelloAngel]

How do you know someone is the one?

When you can't imagine your life without them, and not necessarily in a lusty way. A lifetime commitment is a commitment of the soul and of the heart. If this person is such a deep part of your soul that they are your absolute other half and your best friend, then you KNOW it's worth fighting for and worth keeping.

And yes, sometimes you just KNOW. You just feel it. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We work at home. We are around each other 24/7. And I gotta tell you, I can't imagine a me without a him. We knew that after a couple years; these things take time.

Generally relationships built on a sexual flame burn out. The ones that are built on true love, trust and an unspeakable connection are the ones that stay. But that's just my experience.

Remember, there is no selfishness in love. Too many people are way too high school and immature to understand that. There is no pride in love.

 

[redkat]

How do any of us really know? You could talk to someone who is happily in their 20th year of marriage but chooses divorce in the 21st year.

I don't know if there is the one either. I think we all want to buy into a fairytale that doesn't exist. I'm not even sure we are meant to stay with just one person our entire lives. We all seem to believe it for no real reason.

are we put on this earth to make a marriage work at all costs or are we here to make the most of the time we have. Maybe someone is "the one" in your 20's but not "the one" in your 30's??


that was very cynical thing for me to say

 

[HelloAngel]

are we put on this earth to make a marriage work at all costs or are we here to make the most of the time we have. [/SIZE]

We are put here to survive. Marriage is simply a thing that society invented. Marriage is not a natural thing for human nature, although people do enjoy the intense bonding that it legalizes. Marriage isn't my thing, hence why my longterm boyfriend and I have no plans to do so.

 

[MrBrau1]

she told me she was.

 

[Mr. BAW]

BAW and I knew....7 years before we got married....we knew, our kids knew and we continue to know...

The how and why we knew, doesn't matter; there are no rules, no guidelines, no time frames...it works and you know it...ps...smile a lot and say "OK, honey!"

 

[U2Girl1978]

I just know. We talk about everything and we have fun. I can't imagine being without him.

Let's all gag now...

 

[OnFire]

I didn't know nearly 11 years ago when I got married but I knew that what really mattered most to me was equally important to her. Whether or not you both love U2 or not (she doesn't) is pretty insignificant in the long run.

 

[Sherry Darling]

It's all a lie, there is no "one".

Relationships take a lot of work. You have to find someone that you love and are willing to "work" with.

The world would be so much happier if more people realized this.

 

[She Is Raging]

As someone who was VERY disenchanted with the whole dating scene/relationship thing up until I met my husband.... I have to say that after our first date, I was certain that I would marry him. I kept it to myself for a long time (yes... afraid of the whole "jinx" theory). I dont know what exactly to this day that made me say or feel that, but I just did. It really does happen that way for some people.

 

[briarrose]

I met my husband when I was 16. There was something special about him. He wasn't selfish and he was so different from the other guys I had dated. I knew we would get married (even at 16 I knew that.) I think it's just something you'll know when you meet the right person. I don't necessarily believe in soul mates. I think it's possible to fall in love with anyone, it's just a matter of finding the right one.

 

[JCOSTER]

I knew since I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 17, we have been together ever since, 24 years (very bono/ali like)
I just couldn't imagine my life without him...I have never met anyone who intrigued me more or treated me the way he does.
Even through all my u2 stuff.

 

[u2bonogirl]

I had a feeling that he was the once before I ever saw him in person, but when I finally did it was like the world just got brighter.
And I realized that nothing would ever be the same if I didnt have him in my life for good.
I could imagine being with him for 1000 years and still wanting to be his wife after that
And the way we just fit perfectly together

 

[catlhere]

I agree that there is no "one" for everybody. Otherwise there wouldn't be people that are single or stay unmarried, virgins, dateless etc. all their lives.

I think you just have to get to a point where you think you don't/couldn't want to be with anyone else. And you end up not. Just because you think someone is the one, doesn't mean they are. What if suddenly they decide YOURE not the one for them. Does that mean they are still the one, or no. All the people that posted already about "knowing" their bf/husband/gf/wife is the one, are thinking that at THIS very moment. But things change, love is sometimes fleeting, and divorce rates are high. Did the people that got divorced this year think their partner was the one? I'm sure they did, but obviously it wasn't the case. so really you can NEVER know if someone is perfect, only that they are perfect for you in your life at that time. That's why I really dont believe the whole romantic notion of love at first sight and someone being the "one". It's a nice thought, but it's really just something people say because most all of us are hopeless romantics and don't want to worry that we may be marrying someone we won't like in a couple years And if we're lucky enough, it lasts a lifetime and we were proven right about them being the one.

May not be the most hopeful opinion on love, sorry.

 

[AtomicBono]

I agree that there is no "one" for everybody. Otherwise there wouldn't be people that are single or stay unmarried, virgins, dateless etc. all their lives.

I think you just have to get to a point where you think you don't/couldn't want to be with anyone else. And you end up not. Just because you think someone is the one, doesn't mean they are. What if suddenly they decide YOURE not the one for them. Does that mean they are still the one, or no. All the people that posted already about "knowing" their bf/husband/gf/wife is the one, are thinking that at THIS very moment. But things change, love is sometimes fleeting, and divorce rates are high. Did the people that got divorced this year think their partner was the one? I'm sure they did, but obviously it wasn't the case. so really you can NEVER know if someone is perfect, only that they are perfect for you in your life at that time. That's why I really dont believe the whole romantic notion of love at first sight and someone being the "one". It's a nice thought, but it's really just something people say because most all of us are hopeless romantics and don't want to worry that we may be marrying someone we won't like in a couple years And if we're lucky enough, it lasts a lifetime and we were proven right about them being the one.

May not be the most hopeful opinion on love, sorry.

I agree with that.

What if you think someone is the one but they're with someone else? Maybe they're the one for you but you're not the one for them. Or maybe you are the one for them, but they'll never know it because they're with the other person. Or what if you're with someone but you breakup for some reason, and then you hook up with someone else and the relationship lasts, but it doesn't feel quite the same? Was the first person the one even though it didn't work out for some reason? And how the hell are you supposed to find "the one"? What if the person you're "supposed" to be with lives in China or something?

I don't know. I don't think there is one person for everyone. There's too much divorce and infidelity and single people for that. I think people can fall in love with many different people. Also, people change - maybe the person you've been married to for 7 years isn't the same person you met when you were 18. Ultimately I agree that a relationship is a lot of work. No one ever has a completely happy marriage with no problems. But they can stay married and ultimately remain happy by working through the problems. You have to love the person enough to work through the differences. But I don't think love is forever. If you're lucky it is, but feelings can change. I'm not saying they will, just that they can.

 

[girlhappy]

First off,i am not happily married, not even happily in relationship.
I am more "far gone and out" .
Bit in my opinion, your match is someone who can set your spirit free, and who just ... can keep your spirits up. I agree with the
part.."help each othe through the tough times and all, a lot of it boils down to trust", but i think is very hard to find someone who is both. Someone you can trust and who is there for you and someone who at the same time know your soul.

 

[adrball]

After 8 years I was still positive that my girl was the one for me. After 9 years I started to have doubts and really needed to "work" the marriage. After 10 years the "work" is making me very tired and feel life would be much more rewarding opening my eyes for potential other 'ones'.

 

[catlhere]

After 8 years I was still positive that my girl was the one for me. After 9 years I started to have doubts and really needed to "work" the marriage. After 10 years the "work" is making me very tired and feel life would be much more rewarding opening my eyes for potential other 'ones'.

that's always the worst.

It's like you're so sure this person is the one for you. Then things go south and you have to give it up sometimes. It's hard too, because alot of people, myself included, like to cling to a dead thing in hopes of it getting better. I think to TRULY find your "one" you have to at one point honestly think about if the person your with is the absolute only person you could ever like in this way again. And if there is any doubts, then they aren't the one. It doesn't mean they wont BE the one someday, because maybe you'll get to that point. But to just cloud yourself with puppy love feelings and not look at things logically, is just going to lead you to think you're with mr/mrs right, when its really mr/mrs right now.

Thats why I say date around and don't settle down til you're 30! lol. well I know people who have only been with one person in their entire life, and they have never dated around, or tried anyone else, and they wanna marry the person. And i mean, its sweet to be with your first love, but honestly, how can one make that step and decision for yourself when you havent even experienced all the other people out there you could be with. How can anyone really know if this current "one" may be just slightly less than a new person you may meet that sweeps you off your feet in an entirely different way. Oh well, what do I know. But it sure is an interesting convo.

 

[nbcrusader]

For those of you who are happily married or know that the one you're with is "the one", this question is for you. What made you realize that that person was the one you want to marry? Did you know early on in the relationship or later or somewhere in between? What made them different from all the rest?

I knew I had found "the one" when she went away for a summer and I realized how much I had missed her.

Yes, there is "the one". And yes, once you have found "the one" it takes a lot of work (by both sides) and selflessness to maintain "the one".

It will be 16 years in March

There may be some more tidbits of information here.

 

[clarityat3am]

Re: Re: How did you know?

I knew I had found "the one" when she went away for a summer and I realized how much I had missed her.

Yes, there is "the one". And yes, once you have found "the one" it takes a lot of work (by both sides) and selflessness to maintain "the one".

It will be 16 years in March

There may be some more tidbits of information here.

Wow, I can't believe I never read that thread! Thanks so much for the link to it!

 

[JCOSTER]

PS.... I really don't believe in soul mates either, I do believe you can be in love with more than one person in a life time. I know my husband was the person I wanted to be with always, he never ever hinders anything that I want to do nor do I hinder him...He bought the tickets for the Oct/Nov. shows for our 15th anniversary, plus the fact that I was over another man....he's the greatest.

 

[girlhappy]

These are really lovely stories