GF's family doesn't like me much...

[theu2fly]

My GF and I have been together for a year and almost 3 months, and we love each other very much. I have been introduced to her family, who is far from perfect, but I haven't said anything up to this point.

Her parents are split, she lives mostly with her dad and grandma, her grandma has cancer, and is widowed. Her mom has many problems, ranging from alcohol abuse to an abusive husband who threatens her. Her aunts and uncles have problems with drinking, abuse, and drugs. So you can see that my GF is pretty much the normal one.

There have been some things that I have said accidental, or just joking around that have offended them. I haven't realized this until my GF brought it to my attention. I felt so dumb, and it feels like whenever I go over to their parents or guardians house, it feels like I can't say anything right. I was unemployed for 3 months, and her family looked down on me because of that. Now that I have a job, they don't get on my case about it.

I have a habit of wanting to invite myself along so I don't feel excluded, but when I do at times, it feels like I don't mean to, or it was just a second nature. I think more the less, I just don't fit in with them. I feel so out of place, that it's just depressing. They want her to be around them a lot, mainly because she is their daughter, and I can see that I am getting in the way of things. But it feels like I'm never going to be able to amount to anything that they are expecting of me.

What do I do? I love being with my GF, and I love her, but I just don't know about her family. I am unaccepted in her family, but I treat her good, with the occassion of a few fights now and then.

I think part of it also, is that I have a perfect family, no drug abusive or anything like that -- and I think when I talk about my family, and the way we do things -- it has a tendancy to offend them. So basically, it's like I have to adjust myself, and my words, to not offend them. It's almost like I can't be myself...

 

[Blackberry]

You don't have to hide from yourself just because being accepted in her family, you don't have to change yourself and I think it'll be also impossible. Just try to tolerate this situation, that her family needs your GF's help, because they are in trouble and they can't wait any help from anyone else. Sick people need love and the feeling of being loved more than ever. It's a way better drug than medical treatments.
A good relationship depends on both sides. I mean not only you but also her family..

 

[VertigoGal]

I don't want this to come off wrong, but I think a lot of the time dysfunctional people tend to be bitter or resentful towards those they perceive as "perfect" or whatever.

It's not your fault, just try to tolerate it and try not to worry about living up to their expectations. Of course it'd be better not to make obvious blunt comments about how ridiculously great your family is or something, but you shouldn't feel like you have to keep your mouth shut constantly for fear of offending someone.

 

[hiphop]

Have you talked to your girlfriend about it? if yes, how does she feel about it?

If her family has a little love and is relatively normal, she should talk to them. And you should think: who cares what her mother´s problems with her man are, who cares about uncles on drugs and whatnot? YOU TWO are important for each other. The others have nothing to do with your love, that´s just periphery.

Stay at the center of the heart, this is where the fire is. You will burn, she will burn. I will burn, everyone will. Everyone except of God. Only love can not burn, only love can make it rain. Only God will be saved.

 

[nightninja56]

just remember nobody is perfect...you have flaws, they have flaws, not one person should be looked down on because they are seemingly 'perfect' or 'not perfect'

just be yourself and make sure there is plenty of communication between you and your GF and her and her family, because communication is the key to any relationship

 

[martha]

A family full of alcoholics, drug addicts, and abusers looks down on you?

Consider the source, love your girlfriend, and get on with your life. Keep your mouth shut around them, smile and nod when they criticize you, and then go home to your own family and appreciate them even more.

 

[MooMoo!]

methinks theyre jealous of you. like martha said, theyre in no postition to be critisising you if theyre like that.

isnt your GF annoyed a the way they treat you?