fun fact - alias a shitty ripoff of "goodbye teenager"

[wannabe]

so growing old is mandatory, but maturing is optional

why is acting any age feeling so difficult.

Time for a little story. One of those stories you know you've been told before, or at least you've caught hearsay. This is one of those stories of that is sure to piss off anyone in the "good guys finish last" department.

a good amount of the folks/peoples i have held conversations with on the forum have heard about my girlfriend, or have heard of our relationship. we've had our greats, our goods, our daaaaammnns, and even our bads. currently we're in uncharted waters. like i just want to make us both depressed, but of course don't. so if i want us to be happy, why do i get the fleeing feeling i want to pull the plug on something that thus far has been textbook as far as relationships go.

if i want to be single just for a day, why do i feel such a pull. i know it's love, i tell her that everynight. why do i want to return to the era of my life right before ATYCLB was released? is it that pre-album funk in the air that turns the blood slightly different?

I cannot stress enough how this has been a very healthy relationship, however lately i feel greedy. in my eyes, i have for the majority been "in-the-good" as far as decision making. i know who her ex was, goddamn i've heard his full name - middle included-several hundred times. she couldn't tell you who my ex was, not because i never dated before her, but because i'm silent. now after all this time and through all sorts of things we've been through, it seems like perfect time to relax. why do i want off the team coach?

i get the impression if that's what the bad was, then as we age the temperment will grow. a startling amount of high school marriages end in divorce. i don't want to be a fucking statistic, i apologize for the language. before we started dating, i felt like a shooting star, and she slowly became the atmosphere i'd fade away into. now, i wish to ignite and reexplore the facts and finales of life. i want to feel vulnerable again, i want material from which to write books, upon pages, upon novels, upon guides upon. i wish to be free?

i have been open with her and directed my complaints as feeling too young to be severely bitched upon. "if you're like this now....no offense, but you're not like a fine wine . i'm afraid with age you'll spoil more." then leave you say. be young and stupid, and make lots of mistakes. leave behind someone you might just regret leaving someday. why don't i? i fear the worse.

attachment.

i know for fact i am emotionally attached to her. upon being asked by her why things have felt differently the past month, i though up a lie as fast as the Grinch, but was succumbed by tears of guilt. i could very quickly see a timeline of our long relationship flash before my eyes. and frankly, it would be a big chapter to close.

i would be ending a relationship with a girl that made dreams i never though possible true. this would be taking the happy lovey-dovey ending to any romance movie, and spreading excrement all over the reel and film. this could be the biggest mistake i've ever made forming.

she's too attached to me, and i feel like goodbye is a breath away. i am afraid for her safety if i were to hoist sail. she's told me she honestly doesn't know how she'd go on. unfortunately i know how i would.

ego-laced is this thread. the word "I" was used over 40 times, or most likely. time to vouch - i apologize. and thank you for reading.

acting any age about now would be nice - goodbye teenager.

 

[Stories for Boys]

i don't know what to say, and i know i can't help you because i can in no way empathize with your situation, but i want you to know that i'm rather sure this isn't all that odd....this feeling....

*hugs* i don't want to give you advice because i don't want my ignorant opinion to have an affect on your relationship...i really hope things get better for you, and i will pray for you. *more hugs*

 

[Laura M]

I'm kinda confused because you say you really care for this girl:

i know it's love, i tell her that everynight.

i know for fact i am emotionally attached to her.

i would be ending a relationship with a girl that made dreams i never though possible true. this would be taking the happy lovey-dovey ending to any romance movie, and spreading excrement all over the reel and film

But then you start saying about how you have this feeling you want to break up pr be single again? And it also seems you maybe don't want to break up with her for her benefit?

she's too attached to me, and i feel like goodbye is a breath away.
she's told me she honestly doesn't know how she'd go on. unfortunately i know how i would.

From what I can make out, you seem very confused as to what you should do!

If you are just keeping this relationship going for her sake and you are having all these doubts- maybe you should take a break & try being single for a while?

If you really love her and want this to work talk to her- maybe she feels the same way that you do?

Good Luck

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I wish I knew what to tell you, but all I can do is be a friend and be here for you if you need someone to talk to.

I hope you find your way. *hugs*

 

[Angel]

Well... I too am not full of advice. That was nicely written though. Maybe putting it out there for us to read has helped in your decision. I don't know how old you are, but it sounds like you are young, and that could be why you are having doubts. It's hard to think forever when your life is literally just beginning. I guess all I can say to you is no matter your love and affection for her, if you feel you are compromising in any way, well then... you know what to do. Her life will go on.
That being said, I am not suggesting you end it with her, only you know what is the right thing to do.
The grass may not be greener on the otherside, but just as you may regret leaving her, you may regret not trying new pastures. Oh the sickness of cliches.

 

[wannabe]

i really appreciate the ideas

i really think the best thing for now would be the traditional "time will tell" method. in due time i might have a more subtantial answer, until then it's get a grip.

i named this thread after an old death bear thread when he turned twenty. maybe i should call this a mid-midlife crisis? hehe

 

[Angela Harlem]

Hi matie...I dont know what to say. Its a tough one thats for sure. I just wanted to say hi.
Do you know what you really want yet?
Hope you find it soon.

be good to you eh
xoxoxox

 

[~LadyLemon~]

Hey Matt...I really don't know what to say. Being with you two last night, you didn't seem nearly as close as when I saw you in May. And two things from Kate stick out in my mind. First she said, "he doesn't even pull a chair out for me anymore!" when we were sitting down in the restaraunt. And then later, she said, "I can't even make him laugh anymore!"...

It's great that you have found each other and have had such a great relationship thus far, but you are both young (especially her) and I think new experiences would be best for both of you. I know it's much easier said than done, but right now it seems best for you both to date other people, or just enjoy your freedom for a while. If that doesn't work out and you're miserable without her (and she feels the same way about you) then maybe it was meant to be. And I know this will be hard for her, but I think it would do you both some good.

I hope I'm making sense. If you need to talk you know where to reach me. Hang in there.

 

[wannabe]

a hole in the heart

*update*

well folks, it has been a good run with my Kate. earlier this evening i broke up with her, and have felt the loss of a thousand good nights. how stupid of a decision this maybe has been, but to quote a past era, "the best is yet to come". if it is meant to be i will find myself manetically pullde toward her direction. until then, i will try my best to discover the bliss of being single i knew just weeks before meeting her.

she won't read it, but it feels good to say "thanks Kate for the best relationship a guy could ask for".

 

[Laura M]

Re: a hole in the heart

*update*

well folks, it has been a good run with my Kate. earlier this evening i broke up with her, and have felt the loss of a thousand good nights. how stupid of a decision this maybe has been, but to quote a past era, "the best is yet to come". if it is meant to be i will find myself manetically pullde toward her direction. until then, i will try my best to discover the bliss of being single i knew just weeks before meeting her.

she won't read it, but it feels good to say "thanks Kate for the best relationship a guy could ask for".

You may feel now but give it a wee while im sure you'll feel much happier sooon!!!

Good Luck (((wannabe)))

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

if you need to talk i'm here

I'm so sorry, Matt.

*hugs* Even if someone thinks what they're doing is the right thing, it still hurts sometimes.

 

[~LadyLemon~]

Hang in there Matt. I'll drop you a line soon.

 

[Zoomerang96]

ah, i remember you talking about her a long time ago and how awesome your situation was. i guess it just wasnt meant to go longer, im sure you both did your best to make it work.

best of luck to you.

 

[wannabe]

lara: i dunno you, but your words are resonating a large amount of support. thanks for the kind words.

april and kris: thank you very much for your words too, i will write you both soon. i swear and promise i will, hehe.

bear: i remember that post, i don't want you to forget it. the words i spoke were true then and whatever advice or story i was trying to tell at the time was extremely vital and pumping. i think it came down to the fact that i felt like i was acting too old for my age. as always, thanks for your input.