Friends? nope, no more

[BoMac]

Yes it is. In fact I heard a rumour that this was the case.

[Lally1011]

The cool part about this story is that you took the high road out and stopped writing after she blew up. No one likes to be the bearer of bad news but you did it in a level-headed manner.

That is all you can do. The problem is hers and hers alone now.

[RedRocksU2]

Originally posted by Kiki
alright so I finally did it. I wrote about an experience I was having with a girl I had been friends with since the 7th grade, and about being in her wedding; in two other posts I believe in here.

It took me a while to get up the nerve or what not and actually follow the great advice I'd been given in here, and tell her there was no way I could stand up for her.

After an email that she sent to me last week telling me that the wedding was BACK on for like millionth time, she preceeded to tell me that she thinks it's the 7 year itch and how she knows "he's not the right one for her" and "she's terribly bored with him, but oh well!"

I was shocked that she said that. I suppose I can understand maybe if you say that to your best friend or a close family member and you aren't going through with it, then fine. But I think part of what's rubbed me the wrong way all these 8 years they've been together is that she just doesn't know how to keep anything between just the two of them. She tells EVERYONE and anyone who will listen....sometimes even if you aren't listening

So I let myself settle down a few days before writing her back. I finally did write her back and explained I wouldn't be getting a dress as I was stepping down from being one of her 8 bridesmaids.
I explained I just can't afford to spend $200+ on a dress that I may or may not be wearing once, (depending on if they follow through with the wedding or not).
Because I know her and I know she doesn't really ever listen to advice, it always goes in one ear and out the other, I decided maybe I should ask her if she was truly sure about this. Maybe, just maybe that's what she's been looking for is just for someone to ask. Besides, her fiance has been a friend of mine for the better half of their relationship, and everyone else understands he has been the one not wanting to get married, he doesnt want kids and he does not want to be a father to her son she has with a different guy.

I told her gently that if she's not sure, than maybe she should hold off as it's not really fair to him either, if she just goes through with the wedding.
She tried telling me in the first email that she knows how it is to be married, etc. I called her out on that in my response to her, I'm being much more harsh here than I was in the email to her, but I basically asked her how she could possibly know what a marriage takes or what its like to be married when she's never been married, doesnt live with him, and both of them have broken up their dating relationship due to stupid crap such as "the dishes weren't done" or "I'm just so sick of the laziness, she doesn't have a job and sits at home doing nothing all day" (that was one of his reasons).

I just flat out told her that I don't think it's right for me to be in her wedding and I was sorry.

She went psycho crazy on me in her response, basically ripping me shred to shred. She came right out and said: "I do know what it's like to be married and just because I don't have a ring on my finger doesn't mean I'm not commited to him and after 7 years together EVERYONE gets bored with each other and the relationship needs to be spiced up and sometimes it fails, and I hope to God that your marriage does so you see how this feels."



ok so right there in the email I wanted to reach through the computer and slap the sh** out of her.

She attacked me on several other things as well and my marriage. Yeah, I wanted to write her back and tear her to shreds but I just walked away from the email and thought to myself......oh well.

She's driven me nuts for the past 6 years that they've not gotten along. She thinks that just because she talks to me and everyone else about every single nitty gritty detail, that I should tell her everything about me and my husband. All this time I've held her completely at arms length away, not opening up to her about hardly anything at all. The one time I made the mistake of confiding in her, she thought that was an open door to be the nosiest person in the world.

I knew she wouldn't take this well at all, but I rarely have patience for crap like this with the whole back and forth and "I believe I can change him/her because they should be the person I want them to be, yet I won't love them for who they really are" crap.

She's extremly immature and pretty much stuck back in 1999, senior year of highschool. She freaks out any time we mention the thought of moving away from the Chicago subburbs. She flipped out that we even moved 25 minutes away from her
and she's that way with all her friends.

she ended her email to me telling me she has "plenty of true friends that can take your place in my wedding as you definetly are not a true friend".

again....I have a temper and have had to learn to stick up for myself over the years and no, I don't have a great deal of patience for things like this, so it's a miracle I didn't send her an email back, flippin her off. Instead I did think about emailing her back and saying "That's great!!!!!!!! I'm soooooo glad you have so many other friends to take my place because then I don't have to worry at all about whether or not I upset you!!!!! Oh, that's just so wonderful, they can deal with all your back and forth crap in your relationship and now I don't have to worry!!! That really makes me very excited. Good for you!!!"

yet again......I'm keeping my mouth shut. I errassed her off my myspace and facebook.
(she also questioned me all the time as to why she wasn't one of my "top friends" on my pages. she invited herself to be one of my bridesmaids 4 years ago and I had to tell her...um.......I'm sorry but no.... omg.....)

too long, did not read it.

[Kiki]

ok so on you Carlos

and thanks to everyone else. um no she's not hispanic nor is her name Jeana and yeah, I feel pretty good knowing I basically had the last word even if it is silence. She knows me well enough to know that if she really got to me and I did care then I'd have responded. At least I can be the mature one and show her she's psychotic with every relationship she has whether it be her fiance or with her friends.

And you're right, Night and Lally, about it driving her more nuts, I know that's exactly what it's doing. that I've not and wont respond to her and that I deleted her off my facebook and myspace stuff.

Doors closed on that friendship as far as I'm concerned.

oh yes....and Carlos...... I was joking. I couldn't be mad at you.

[Angela Harlem]

Ignore the hispanic jokes and such, kiki It's related to another thread which has no relationship to your mate.

I think you did the right thing. Let people drown in their own dramas, I say. Who's got the energy? There's some seriously unglued people about, though. My sister is trying to extricate herself from these 2 friends of hers who are going down a similar nutty path, well, the guy is at least with hiring PIs and turning up on his own stalking missions in other cities, etc, to keep tabs on his now ex. Mind you, he's late 30s and surely has more sane ways of healing from a broken relationship - but no.

[mskitkat]

I certainly think you are handleing everything in a good way, i mean you arent responsible for her happiness, and it sounds like she is her own worse enemy, she will keep on till she poisons all of her relationships, i hope one day she will realize that what she is doing, isnt making her any friends and that the friends she has, arent going to put up with her hissy fits and she will lose the friends she has. sounds like someone needs to grow up.

[Lila64]

Sounds like you did the right thing Kiki. Good for you!

[Kiki]

thanks guys.

yeah, Angela, I had to laugh a bit at the end of your post there. The guy in this relationship is 37 and she's 26. So.....it's not just one of them that needs a maturity check or a snap to reality

[RedRocksU2]

[gvox]

See what I'm talkin about night and day?

Hot chicks with douchebags. Completely relevant.

[Night & Day]

[MooMoo!]

Yay for getting rid of arseholes out your life.

[Kiki]

Originally posted by RedrocksU2

hi Carlos

Originally posted by gabrielvox
See what I'm talkin about night and day?

Hot chicks with douchebags. Completely relevant.

I'm not even gonna touch that comment

[kafrun]

That's ridiculous that she'd want you to keep jumping on and off the wedding bandwagon with her, let alone to pay for related expenses, and THEN turn things around and attack you Sounds like a toxic person for sure, so good for you for putting her in her place