For Honor
Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS
Well, I suppose it's time to get this out in the open.
This will help me deal with things, so as usal, I will be honest, and probably long in description. Thanks in advance for raeding...
So I met a girl, a year ago, let's say. That dates don't matter. And some of this will be vauge, just because that's how I'm going to tell it, and that's that.
We both fell in love, but as anyone who really knows me knows, I'm rather serious, and commited. That's me, I like to be that way - though... that may not be for the best - it may be out insecurity, which is partially true. But that's not the point.
I guess the main thing is, it is a difficult thing when you believe you see all the traits and qualities in someone you want, want to be with for a long time. Especially having them say they love you. But........ knowing how you feel about them, and then them not being sure about you. When you want to work for a relationship and they aren't sure.
With all due respect, it's not even that she is doing something wrong. It's just "tragic", lheh, because perhaps it was an impossible dream. And we are both so young.
I'm feeling okay now, but there is so much sentimentality - I;m like that. I know a lot of things will make me think about her, and I have a pretty good feeling that things will be changing between us, because she's going back to school, and I away to college, in january.
It's hard ..... to know that you would work for a relationsihp, with a person, do anything, wait however long... but maybe the truth is, we're just not meant to be, we are not "soulmates", it isn't written in the stars for us.
But the even greater truth is that we are too young. Or in a way, perhaps she is. And even if I am too old, I can't have "that" - my super commited relationship anyways. I realize, I won't have time. I'll be working, and college....
BUt still, you don't want to "loose" someone. Let go of something that has the potential to be great, spectacular...
Yet still........
It can't go forward, and I wonder if we can go back.
so it's in a limbo...... and I suppose all things that are not moving decay......
I never knew how loving I could be. It turns out I can even be too much. But not too much, just more that can be handled, I suppose, by both of us.
I almost wonder what it would be like if I could go back to how I was a while ago, and not be so amorous. But now I seem to think about love a lot. I know it is strange for guys to think about love more than sex, but I suppose it is not so good when they are intertwined in your mind. I admit, the only way I could think about sex was involving her. We are both still virgins, and she said she wanted to wait until she married..... so...... perhaps we will see.
Our current conclustion is that... we will both wait and see how it goes. If we both come back to each other, then perhaps it was meant to be.
We both only want to be in really good loving relationships at that point, and I should give both of us a lot of credit. I will "feel" like I've pulled the trigger too soon, but, in all reality.... With the way things are, there's nothing more I can/could do.
I have to learn to accept that.
I am so interested in how people work, how relationships work, and wanted a relationship.. but I suppose it was more than I could really ask for.
It was ver much like "with or without you".
But I'm not emotional about it right now.
I'm feeling okay.
At some point in my life, things changed. ANd I began to worry - what if I never have a great relationship with someone? I've seen so many failing around me...
I guess I just don't like being too young.
I was going to say that I've learned so much with this person , but I should realize that... I've learned all these things because I've been a part of it, not that she was some sort of magical teacher.
BUt then again, I have to ask myself - am I getting what I want out of this relationship right now?
How would I answer...... Honestly - no and yes. I love hearing someone say they love me, and demostrating it. But.... why aren't we together all the time, right now?
The answer to that is simple - it is something that neirther one of us can control. One could say we never should have fallen in love. One could say who knows what the future has in store.
I guess the bottome line is... everything is out of my hands now.
I still care about her enough that I would welcome her back, though at the moment, we've not really broken everything off, so it's hard to say that even.
As a general thing, I think I just have to remove "love" from my list of main interests for a while.
And like all the examples before me - when the cycle of things is halted, one becomes corrupt - that is my father's lesson. But I see the broken relationships, and do not want to be a quitter in my own - that is the paradox.
It is a fair call - but I will wait for her decision, she is going on vacation for a little while. Perhaps after she returns she will have more things to say. ANd if she doesn't, well, I suppose that is my answer.
I have always stated my support and care, so perhaps she needs a taste away from that to see if it's something she really wants.
Ah, can;t you tell this is a FH post? Look at my extravagent overanalysis!!
but I've got an understandible case of insomnia, and writing this much helps me go to sleep, and wears down my brain.
Thanks for reading
My conclusion?
Things are up in the air, but I feel us drifint apart, which may be for the better for both of us. I need to revert back to my "life/everything else" mode, and remove myelf from "love" mode.
Yet I .... feel like a fool, almost.
There is almost nothing real in my life, and I wonder if this relationship ever was.
This will help me deal with things, so as usal, I will be honest, and probably long in description. Thanks in advance for raeding...
So I met a girl, a year ago, let's say. That dates don't matter. And some of this will be vauge, just because that's how I'm going to tell it, and that's that.
We both fell in love, but as anyone who really knows me knows, I'm rather serious, and commited. That's me, I like to be that way - though... that may not be for the best - it may be out insecurity, which is partially true. But that's not the point.
I guess the main thing is, it is a difficult thing when you believe you see all the traits and qualities in someone you want, want to be with for a long time. Especially having them say they love you. But........ knowing how you feel about them, and then them not being sure about you. When you want to work for a relationship and they aren't sure.
With all due respect, it's not even that she is doing something wrong. It's just "tragic", lheh, because perhaps it was an impossible dream. And we are both so young.
I'm feeling okay now, but there is so much sentimentality - I;m like that. I know a lot of things will make me think about her, and I have a pretty good feeling that things will be changing between us, because she's going back to school, and I away to college, in january.
It's hard ..... to know that you would work for a relationsihp, with a person, do anything, wait however long... but maybe the truth is, we're just not meant to be, we are not "soulmates", it isn't written in the stars for us.
But the even greater truth is that we are too young. Or in a way, perhaps she is. And even if I am too old, I can't have "that" - my super commited relationship anyways. I realize, I won't have time. I'll be working, and college....
BUt still, you don't want to "loose" someone. Let go of something that has the potential to be great, spectacular...
Yet still........
It can't go forward, and I wonder if we can go back.
so it's in a limbo...... and I suppose all things that are not moving decay......
I never knew how loving I could be. It turns out I can even be too much. But not too much, just more that can be handled, I suppose, by both of us.
I almost wonder what it would be like if I could go back to how I was a while ago, and not be so amorous. But now I seem to think about love a lot. I know it is strange for guys to think about love more than sex, but I suppose it is not so good when they are intertwined in your mind. I admit, the only way I could think about sex was involving her. We are both still virgins, and she said she wanted to wait until she married..... so...... perhaps we will see.
Our current conclustion is that... we will both wait and see how it goes. If we both come back to each other, then perhaps it was meant to be.
We both only want to be in really good loving relationships at that point, and I should give both of us a lot of credit. I will "feel" like I've pulled the trigger too soon, but, in all reality.... With the way things are, there's nothing more I can/could do.
I have to learn to accept that.
I am so interested in how people work, how relationships work, and wanted a relationship.. but I suppose it was more than I could really ask for.
It was ver much like "with or without you".
But I'm not emotional about it right now.
I'm feeling okay.
At some point in my life, things changed. ANd I began to worry - what if I never have a great relationship with someone? I've seen so many failing around me...
I guess I just don't like being too young.
I was going to say that I've learned so much with this person , but I should realize that... I've learned all these things because I've been a part of it, not that she was some sort of magical teacher.
BUt then again, I have to ask myself - am I getting what I want out of this relationship right now?
How would I answer...... Honestly - no and yes. I love hearing someone say they love me, and demostrating it. But.... why aren't we together all the time, right now?
The answer to that is simple - it is something that neirther one of us can control. One could say we never should have fallen in love. One could say who knows what the future has in store.
I guess the bottome line is... everything is out of my hands now.
I still care about her enough that I would welcome her back, though at the moment, we've not really broken everything off, so it's hard to say that even.
As a general thing, I think I just have to remove "love" from my list of main interests for a while.
And like all the examples before me - when the cycle of things is halted, one becomes corrupt - that is my father's lesson. But I see the broken relationships, and do not want to be a quitter in my own - that is the paradox.
It is a fair call - but I will wait for her decision, she is going on vacation for a little while. Perhaps after she returns she will have more things to say. ANd if she doesn't, well, I suppose that is my answer.
I have always stated my support and care, so perhaps she needs a taste away from that to see if it's something she really wants.
Ah, can;t you tell this is a FH post? Look at my extravagent overanalysis!!
but I've got an understandible case of insomnia, and writing this much helps me go to sleep, and wears down my brain.
Thanks for reading
My conclusion?
Things are up in the air, but I feel us drifint apart, which may be for the better for both of us. I need to revert back to my "life/everything else" mode, and remove myelf from "love" mode.
Yet I .... feel like a fool, almost.
There is almost nothing real in my life, and I wonder if this relationship ever was.
