-death
-crying
-not wanting that huge hole in your heart
-not wanting them to suffer any longer
-confliction
-about to lose someone who has loved me unabashedly and unconditionally, probably since I was in the womb but, at a minimum, since the day I was born
-about to lose this person only 7 months after I lost her pair, her match, the other half of her set, who also loved me just as much and for just as long
-that the minute my Dad, Mom and sister walked into the hospital room I had to tell them the dr. came by and said the end is coming
-that I burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably after having to impart this news to my father about his last remaining parent
-that she stopped breathing at 5:10 and we thought it was it, and then she came back, which leads me to . . .
-being an asshole b/c that wasn't it and I know I'm going to have to go through that moment again when it does happen for real, and dreading having to be ripped to pieces again, another time
-that i'm utterly exhausted and emotionally spent but I can't sleep so I sit her pouring my sadness out into the webiverse (except for on Facebook where, for personal reasons, I'm not allowed to discuss this subject with specificity on that social-networking site)
-finally
Another thing I hate is . . . that if love is good and love is the best of what we are as living beings, then why does it hurt so, SO, much?