does anyone else NOT want to get married or have a relationship...EVER?!part II

[girlhappy]

Just wanted to say how....i just got back from a job interview (i suppose to be babysitter). Just came from the family with 3 kids.
And i wonder....all this talk about not being capable for relationship....Do you think that we all dont need this kind of warmth?I went back to my house (not a home!) and listened THe Smiths on the radio. I was dancing in the kitchen and thought..maybe the rest of us need some kind of u2-on line family, or in real life friends -like family, or sense of belonging somewhere. i just want to be in love, and loved and surrounded by kids(not necessary mine) - maybe kids to work with...and it is so f.... stupid and bad to walk into empty home over and over again. At the same time, i know i am freak and in a way not capable/ready for long-term relationship. I always feel so good when i am at other peoples homes, but it is hard to imagine to have mine(not to mention how "easy" is to find the right person to settle down. For me it is always more Love will tear us apart, i guess, even though i want to be "One" with someone i love and admire so much. Any thoughts?Anyone else around here with the same heartbreak?

 

[For Honor]

Everyone has heartbreak


"Don't let the negative people define you (as a fan)" - on my pregame show for my sports team today. Same thing here...

Look, if anyone expects life to be a walk in the park, then you're in for a lot of pain, because not everyone has the simple luxuries that others have, ranging from money, to a stable family, to marketable talents, to caring people. Everyone has something to deal with.

I don't think it is wise to wait for someone else or something else to "make you happy", and quite frankly, I don't really agree with anyone who's life goal is to "be happy". That's way too conceited, even for me. I do know what love can be like, how dominating it can be... but no one can let it steal you away. Because then what are you? You're no longer yourself, just chasing an emotional hunger. And don't get me wrong; I think love is a most noble and honorable quest, and yeah, someday I'll go down that road (again?)


My suggestion - girlhappy, don't get deluded, confused, or too influenced by the radio, even U2 songs. It's their job to make music you get attached too, so don't be fooled, or get emotionally charged up. Basically, just manage yourself, and know how to handle yourself.


ANd, just in general..... maybe not relating to this thread, but then again.....


"there comes a time when all of us have to make the decision between what is right, and what it easy".... a quote of sorts. I just say that if you let yourself get runover by your emotions, there's no way you can make a proper decision when it is neccesary.

At least ths ( ^ ) is true for me; I've been there.

 

[For Honor]

^ and one more thing - love isn't a guarentee, it's a privledge, a luxoury, a great gift. No one should "expect it" or "demand it", because love isn't really about "you", in my opinion.


but that's all these are, my opinions

 

[MsGiggles]

^ and one more thing - love isn't a guarentee, it's a privledge, a luxoury, a great gift. No one should "expect it" or "demand it", because love isn't really about "you", in my opinion.


but that's all these are, my opinions

 

[Windmilllane]

I would love to have a relationship. Everyday, it makes me sad that I don't have a girlfriend. Everybody I know is in a relationship. But with a guy like me, who is downright ugly-looking, how can I get a girl to like me? It seems like I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life. I feel like I will be like Tom Hanks in Castaway and be all alone. That scares me. That's why I wish I had cancer so I can die. I'm too chicken to kill myself. If I had cancer, I would totally be happy. This way, I know I won't have much time to live and won't be alone for the rest of my life. I'd rather be dead than be alone.

 

[Carek1230]

^That is so sad and I am sorry you feel that way. Maybe not every day anyway, I hope not. If you are looking for a relationship or for companionship, you have to put yourself out there, so if you're not, chances of it happening are slim. What was suggested to me after my divorce was to figure out what my passions are in life and once I had that figured out (I am still trying to figure this out) then THAT is where I would stumble upon someone who shared the same passion and my life would be blessed. It takes work, it just doesn't happen to meet someone and then suddenyl there is a relationship, unfortunately....the movies make it look far too easy....and then much too painful when it doesn't work out.

Myself, I believe I needed to learn the lesson of being independent and that has been my journey. If yoou are content with being who you are once you find that out, and being alone with yourself.....that will then be the time you are able to open up to others. I have plenty of friends in various circles and am a people person, I work in a people oriented industry as a career, so I am with people all the time. I enjoy the time and laugh a lot. I go out socially with friends or even by myself. I travel by myself. I enjoy it. But I also enjoy my freedom and my independence and especially my privacy. I don't feel I am ready for a relationship and am content with the fact I may never be ready. But I have already been married and hurt and survived the divorce, raised a child alone and now am in a new chapter I call "Me".

There are lots of great counselors, group counselors, singles clubs, organizations, websites, dating services, self help books, etc. out there to help give you a nudge when you are ready. But don't hate yourself and wish for cancer to put you out of your life. I wouldn't wish that on anyone let alone myself. Love yourself. Pamper yourself. Be good to yourself. That is how you are going to then be able to open up to meeting someone you can enjoy a healthy relationship with. Good luck. If you want to talk or share more, feel free to PM me.

 

[For Honor]

^ damn straight - it's not like the movies. But people seem to love a good illusion. I mean, I can respect that.... but I think some people inadvertently brainwash themselves.

I think they should teach classes in schools about how to deal with relationships, and how to ..... how to live, basically.....

............

writing that......... it makes me though

 

[girlhappy]

First off, i am trying even though it doesnt seems that way i guess. I just boke up relationship(not in the right sense) with someone i deeply loved.I just couldnt take it any more.He wanted to see me now and then, i wanted the real thing, at least the friendship. After that(monday)i spent most of the week by myself. I didnt see any of my friends, and one of my closest friend ended up in the mental hospital again(I was listening to Electric Co. and crying,you know about that song) She is well again, thanks God. But, in this most vulnerable situation i didnt even have any friend to talk to. I decided to stick by that decision but it is really hard when you love someone. I wrote this letter(Oh its like in I fall down to you because i felt like... there are many ways to connect with people.And it doesnt have to be relationsip. It is not the same, but ... It is great we have that possibility here in our u2 on - line family
i suppose that was my point.

 

[Carek1230]

Having the U2 family atmosphere here is indeed something special and you are absolutely right. So I must say if you are feeling sad or lonely, thank you for turning to Interference. There are always people here willing to listen and help in whatever way we know how. Maybe you are too fresh from the relationship so give yourself some time. It's really not too healthy to jump from one relationship right into another....give yourself time to heal, to be alone for a bit and then go looking for another one, or perhaps it will even find you! The most important thing though is to make sure you, yourself is healthy first. Then you can contribute to a healthy relationship. And a relationship is give and take, 50/50......you cannot make anyone love you or stay in a relationship or mold them to be the ideal person you want to share your life with. And again, it is OK to be alone.

^^I agree with the schools offering a course on how to survive in a healthy relationship in the real world. Like Life101 or something like that. Some of the off campus programs offer courses like that. My son left his high school mid year of his final year as a senior and sort of home schooled through a disctrict program and the program offered some life style courses like how to budget and keep yourself financially stable so my son learned about bank accounts, how to take out and shop for loans, how to balance a checkbook, how to choose the right banking institution and how to plan for savings and for retirement. He also learned about credit cards and swears he never wants one! Guess he learned well! Wish I'd had that course in high school! There was also a course where he learned about nutrition and how to budget for nutritional foods on a budget and how to cook some basic meals. That was another good one. My son felt very ready to go out on his own when he graduated and I am proud of him, he has done a very responsible job taking care of himself! He even does his own laundry and only lives 30 miles away from me, in an apt down the street from his college!

 

[For Honor]

debit cards spank credit cards with a wide, vast and furious paddle....

I have learned my lessons, through first hand observations

=

I wish I had a life prep course like your son, though. My school didn't offer something like that, not in highschool, not as a senior. I would have liked that a lot.......

 

[celia]

It really annoys me that some of my friends are like 'oh you'll change ur mind later on'. They just cant seem to get it that not everybody is the same and wants the same things.

I dont want to get married and I dont want children. I wouldn't mind a relationship in the future, but for me I dont think marriage is necessary. I'm quite happy being single right now as well but when I've done a lot of things that I want to do hopefully I will have met someone that I click with and be in a relationship with.

 

[girlhappy]

That is so great, Celia!I suppose you are pretty much self-sufficient person? Dont you feel lonely from time to time?

 

[Carek1230]

Good for you Celia! It really is so sad that the percentage for marriages being successful anymore is so high, I think it's exceeded the 50% mark. It just doesn't seem that people are as intent and passionate about love and all that it entails to work at a relationship and they too easily give up. Especially in marriage anyway. So what's the point in being married anymore? To share a name? A piece of paper? A vow that doesn't mean much anymore? For the kids? It's not a great tax break these days. I just don't get it. But then I have been married and the fact I was so hurt and shocked when my Ex took up with a friend of mine, so that is what has spoiled my whole outlook on marriage. I said my vows once before God and witnesses in church, I won't do it again. But it took a long time to work through everything to get to the mindset where I am today. Not everyone wants or should want or have the same things. Unfortunately, Celia, too many people don't understand that or are close minded. Oh well, I learned to look out for me!

 

[For Honor]

^ too true.......


I hear in Europe the %s are around 30 percent in some places, as for marriages NOT getting divorced.


I really want to be married, and I've seen plenty of divorces in my day. I think people don't understand what love is, or at least what I think it is. I'm going to make up a new word...

I know love grows and changes over time, and maybe most people aren't cut out for marriage like that. I'm one of them, I guess, though.....