Did I really screw up big time?

[4EVRU2]

Here's the sitch: I've been with the same guy for 10 yrs (and two kids) but it was doomed from the start; we dragged it out way too long, until recently when I really began to consider meeting other people.

I joined this online dating site and recently was contacted by a guy. I liked his profile, his look, etc. and so we started "chatting".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out", see a movie or something and I agreed. He has a kid and knows I have two so he suggested he come to my place; I arranged for the kids to spend the night away to avoid any awkward questions in case they got up, etc.

We chatted for a week before we met 'cos he works out of town and it was full of flirting and sexual innuendo so by the time we did meet, the sexual tension was palpable. I do like him but don't know nearly enough about him.

Basically, we slept together and I feel as if I'm pinning my hopes all on this one guy (the 1st since my long-term ended).

Then I go and send him a couple of emails trying to explain my confusion and asking where this might be going (stupid, stupid) and he told me they really scared him (into running for the hills) and "i"m reading too much into things"... I don't like the way I'm behaving and am aware of my tendency to rush into things without properly knowing someone (my relationship history basically).

What i'd like to know is, is this pretty much doomed too? He didn't say we should slow down or he wanted to back off, but I can tell he's spooked and I feel like such an ass that I think maybe I should back off and just wait?

Any advice/tips, whatever anyone can offer would sure help! I should add that yes, i'm fairly insecure and have low self-confidence etc which I am trying to address... (and man is this hard to admit...)

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

The only advice I can give you is to not beat yourself up over this particular situation, but to now work on your self confidence and self esteem issues in all other ways except in any sort of relationships with men.

Nothing at all about having those issues, it's only human. What we can control is how we handle them. And doing it in a way with a guy such as this one will not help. I say that not to hurt you or to judge you in any way, please know that.

We all let emotions and inner stuff get the best of us and start feeling things for people that in retrospect aren't all that real or sometimes all that wise.

Good luck to you

 

[JessicaAnn]

While he didn't suggest slowing down/backing off, maybe both of you should ease up so that neither one of you feels any pressure to commit just yet.

Take time and get to know guys before you decide to "pin your hopes" on anyone.

You didn't screw anything up. I am sure it's difficult being "out there" after being in a relationship for 10 years. It's going to take time for you to find you feet again as a single gal. But, it's like riding a bicycle ... you'll remember how to balance, pedal and move forward soon enough.

PS ... not much has changed in 10 years. Single guys are still as confusing and infuriating as ever.

 

[MrPryck2U]

What's going on with your dude of 10 years? Is he still in the picture? If not, then give the other dude his space for a bit and he'll call you. E-Mails are too easy, so if he sends you an e-mail, just be brief and don't reply with a long winded e-mail. Wait for him to call you. Don't call him. If he doesn't call you, that's ok. He's telling you that he's not interested. There's other men out there . Don't go looking for them, though. Usually when you're busy with other things is when like/love can rear it's head. You probably could use a break after 10 years with the same dude. Being single isn't always so bad.

 

[JessicaAnn]

Also, asking a question like that via IM is kind of lame. That is a question that should, at the very least be discussed over the phone ... in person is even better.

 

[Carek1230]

Also, asking a question like that via IM is kind of lame. That is a question that should, at the very least be discussed over the phone ... in person is even better.

Absolutely I agree.

 

[4EVRU2]

Well thanks for the input--I did say it was stupid to do and I regret it big time!
Even though my ex and I were involved for 1o yrs it wasn't any normal relationship--i constantly fantasized about being with someone else (the past few years was mostly about sex and what little companionship he could provide)