Dating: easier for men or women?

[joerags]

For single people, trying to get a date can be very stressful. To me, however, I think it is a lot harder for boys/guys to find dates than it is for women. Women have the power when it comes to dating. They can either accept the date or reject the guy.

A woman has her choice. But guys don't have that luxury. We rarely, if ever, get asked out by a woman. So if the guy is not attractive, then there is no way he will be able to get a date. Most women, by and large, are attractive in their own way. So it's very rare for a woman not to be asked out. But when a guy isn't attractive, then there is no hope for him, which sucks for guys like me.

I am in my late 30s and single, and I will probably never go on a date, which is something that I have to accept. But it kind of upsets me that women have it much easier to chose who they can date, as opposed to men.

I don't know if I am making any sense, but I hope you kind of understand what I am saying.

 

[financeguy]

Your issue is absolutely nothing got to do with looks and all about confidence. In my opinion your analysis of your situation has mis-fired come up with the wrong diagnosis.

I am around the same age as yourself and really do not have that much more dating experience. In terms of actual proper dates, as opposed to hookups in bars or nightclubs, probably not even double figures in my life ever. Funnily enough I was having this conversation with a couple of friends recently and they were saying that's way more than them. In fact one guy had never been on a single date in his life ever, the other had been on precisely one! And yet both these guys for most of the time that I have known them have been in long-term relationships - they just didn't meet them as a result of dates.

Personally I quite enjoy the dating experience and the chase, however I let so many opportunities slip away. Classic male ego mistake.

Having said that, you need to start taking the advice offered before and acting upon it. As I said before, you are simultaneously being too hard and too easy on yourself. You are making excuses for not doing anything to resolve your situation (dating's too hard for guys, chicks are only into guys that are rich, etc, etc) and thereby giving yourself permission to stay in your comfort zone. No-one ever said life was a bed of roses. You want to see real hardship, go live in Pakistan.

Finally, if you really think dating is a bed-of-roses for women in their thirties, haven't you heard of the Great Thirties Giveaway? They have a body-clock, we can spread our seed at any age.

 

[ryancoke71]

Joerags, I wish you would have more confidence in yourself! We are not all shallow and totally into looks. Yes, there has to be an attraction there. That being said, if you feel that down about yourself, I am sure that it shows! You are right, it is easier for women IMO. Step outside of your comfort zone and put yourself out there!!!

 

[kafrun]

Dating is super easy for me. Plenty of rich, good-looking bad boys, I don't know where to start. I loove going out, being spoiled, then taken advantage of, and eventually treated poorly. I eat it right up and hang on to him until I become a desperate, pathetic mess and he dumps me for someone new and exciting. It's all good, though. Plenty more men willing to take advantage of my vulnerable state, and the fun starts all over again.


That, or I actually rarely "date" and the notion of a huge number of men to choose from is debatable.

 

[financeguy]

Dating is super easy for me. Plenty of rich, good-looking bad boys, I don't know where to start. I loove going out, being spoiled, then taken advantage of, and eventually treated poorly. I eat it right up and hang on to him until I become a desperate, pathetic mess and he dumps me for someone new and exciting. It's all good, though. Plenty more men willing to take advantage of my vulnerable state, and the fun starts all over again.


That, or I actually rarely "date" and the notion of a huge number of men to choose from is debatable.

I lost €6,000 on the markets in the space of a few hours and wasn't too bothered, does that make me rich?

Any chance of a shag?

 

[kafrun]

Any chance of a shag?

What kind of car do you drive?

 

[financeguy]

What kind of car do you drive?

Currently, a rather boring and sensible Golf GTI turbo. However, thinking, semi-seriously, of upgrading to a Porsche. For our date, I'll rent a convertible Ferrari, naturelement. I will be wearing black tie, you can wear whatever you godamn please.

 

[BoMac]

Currently, a rather boring and sensible Golf GTI turbo. However, thinking, semi-seriously, of upgrading to a Porsche. For our date, I'll rent a convertible Ferrari, naturelement. I will be wearing black tie, you can wear whatever you godamn please.

If you value your sanity, I'd rethink going out with that woman. Back out now while you still can.

 

[financeguy]

^ I can just see the ZC post three months later -

"Help, I am stranded in the South of France, lost everything at the casino, they repossesed the Ferrari, and kaffy left me after the bailliffs arrived"

 

[MrPryck2U]

Well, obviously it's easier for women to get dates then men. But, they don't always go for the best looking guy. Confidence is a major turn on for chicks. Even if you're not the best looking dude you can still dress well and present yourself nicely to maybe make up for it.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

It is not easy for me.

 

[corianderstem]

I was going to say the same thing .... although I suspect it might have something to do with the fact that I hardly ever go anywhere these days.

But seriously, I did still roll my eyes a little. Because in the past when I have actively pursued the dating life, it wasn't easy.

Which I'm sure someone who knew me really well could parse down into a list of whys or why nots.

But honestly, those kinds of generalizations are unhelpful. And are very rarely correct.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

When I say I am going to date again, I talk myself out of it and just say no. I do not want to bother finding anyone because to me it feels like a damn chore. Yes, I know it is a horrible attitude to have but I can't get excited about dating. I would like to have a magic wand and have him appear and just be there with no effort. I really hate the idea of dating and the games and stresses that come along with it.

 

[juliaguliaxo94]

I guess we girls have it easy, but that's not to say men don't as well. I depends on much more than if you're male or female.

 

[corianderstem]

I don't quite understand how exactly it's supposed to be so easy for us.

Because we just have men beating down our doors to ask us out or something, and we have "our choice," as Joe put it?

 

[ryancoke71]

Maybe just easier in that the onus is on the men to ask?

 

[bono_man2002]

When I say I am going to date again, I talk myself out of it and just say no. I do not want to bother finding anyone because to me it feels like a damn chore. Yes, I know it is a horrible attitude to have but I can't get excited about dating. I would like to have a magic wand and have him appear and just be there with no effort. I really hate the idea of dating and the games and stresses that come along with it.

Trust me the whole 'it happens when you least expect it' theory that I've heard at least 100,000 times (more than I listened to Vertigo when it was released on Radio in 2004)....is true! And you will know its right when there are no games and less stresses.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

I am certain I will meet my match when I am on my death bed in the nursing home when I am 98!

 

[juliaguliaxo94]

Maybe just easier in that the onus is on the men to ask?

That's mostly why I said that, I suppose.

But I've asked boys out before.

Spoiler

Or had my friends do it for me.

 

[juliaguliaxo94]

I am certain I will meet my match when I am on my death bed in the nursing home when I am 98!

Maybe you will, or maybe earlier than that. Have some hope.

 

[corianderstem]

Trust me the whole 'it happens when you least expect it' theory that I've heard at least 100,000 times (more than I listened to Vertigo when it was released on Radio in 2004)....is true! And you will know its right when there are no games and less stresses.

I can vouch for this. The last guy I dated was a guy I noticed on the bus, and then ran into him about 20 minutes later as we were both heading to dinner.

Turns out he lived a block from me. I had never seen him before - I would have noticed him on the bus for sure.

We hit it off famously and dated for two months. The weird thing? Not only did I never see him before that meeting, I haven't seen him since, and it's been a year.

SO WEIRD. It's like he was entirely in my imagination - and I swear he wasn't!

So yeah, it can definitely happen.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

I don't quite understand how exactly it's supposed to be so easy for us.

Because we just have men beating down our doors to ask us out or something, and we have "our choice," as Joe put it?

I have no clue. At my age now, guys are pretty much married, divorced or I am picking from guys in their 20s.

 

[bono_man2002]

I am certain I will meet my match when I am on my death bed in the nursing home when I am 98!

What are you worried about then?

I can vouch for this. The last guy I dated was a guy I noticed on the bus, and then ran into him about 20 minutes later as we were both heading to dinner.

Turns out he lived a block from me. I had never seen him before - I would have noticed him on the bus for sure.

We hit it off famously and dated for two months. The weird thing? Not only did I never see him before that meeting, I haven't seen him since, and it's been a year.

SO WEIRD. It's like he was entirely in my imagination - and I swear he wasn't!

So yeah, it can definitely happen.

Whoa. Quick better get a call onto These guys!

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

That's mostly why I said that, I suppose.

But I've asked boys out before.

Spoiler

Or had my friends do it for me.

Majority of the guys I have dated have been because I asked them out. I got tired of waiting for them to make the move.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

What are you worried about then?

[/IMG]

no worries here!

 

[juliaguliaxo94]

Majority of the guys I have dated have been because I asked them out. I got tired of waiting for them to make the move.

Exactly. If you like someone, you need to let them know before it's too late and they exit your life.

 

[bono_man2002]

I Tried out online dating in early 2007. I do admit it was a little embarrassing (and weird) at first. I only really chatted to one other girl before i met my now, fiancé. We chatted for about a month before we met in person. Ranging from an e-mail every couple of days to eventually nearly every night on msn.

Without getting into some stupid success story, My point is there are plenty of different ways/means to meet people these days. Did I expect my first meet up to go so well? Hell No. I thought maybe we'd see each other a few times and that would be that.

Nobody has to force it upon themselves to go through the whole dating thing, but you do have to...I suppose put yourself out there, in the deep end ect from time to time, just to see what can happen.

 

[corianderstem]

I've had some nice experiences with online dating. Would definitely try it again.

 

[juliaguliaxo94]

Eh. I'd have to meet someone in person first to see if I would be willing to go out with them.

 

[corianderstem]

I have a hard time approaching guys I don't know, and they don't tend to approach me when I'm out, so online works well. If I can talk/banter with them over email and we seem to have stuff in common, that's a great starting point.

If they have nothing to say to me beyond "I like your picture," I have no interest in meeting them. My comfort level is to build that rapport first and then meet.

I can't relate that to real-life experiences with meeting guys, since like I said, I don't get approached, and I've never been really comfortable approaching a stranger face-to-face in that sort of way.