Confused about boyfriend

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livviebway

The Fly
Joined
Jan 13, 2006
Messages
108
Location
UT, USA
Hey everyone, having a bit of new relationship drama over here and I'm not sure what to do. I'm a freshman in college and throughout high school I never had a boyfriend, never hooked up, never got kissed, nada. I felt lonely sometimes, but mostly just hung out with friends and felt okay about it. So come college I was hoping to change all that, meet some guys, etc. However, nothing much happened first semester and I made some new friends, got used to being single, and was pretty happy with it.

Last week I met a guy at a dance and we hung out several times the following week and then right before I left for spring break he came up to wish me goodbye and I gave him a kiss. In retrospect, I almost kind of regret that because I feel I'm moving a bit too fast considering I've got no experience here. It's just this is the first time there's been a guy interested in me, not just me pining after someone else, so maybe this is what happens when guys are interested in return. The point is, now we're off on spring break and with that kiss I kind of left it at an awkward point. He called to ask me how I was doing and ask me to dinner when we get back, which is nice. I like him, but I feel like I kind of rushed it in the beginning and want to back off a little. In my college there are only random hook ups and long term relationships, there isn't a lot of dating for fun, and I'm not sure I want to jump into a LTR here.

The confession here is that I feel like I've been single for so long and I've set up my life so well that way that the effort of having a relationship seems daunting. And while I like him, I'm afraid that there was a part of me that rushed into the relationship just so I could be like "Look, I have a boyfriend! Finally! I'm not a freak!" He's a nice guy and we've had fun hanging out together... I'm just feeling like I'm far more worried than I should be and it doesn't feel like my other crushes before. Maybe that's because I tended to crush in silent for months on end on guys I had known for a long time and this is a quick start with a guy I didn't know who actually likes me back. But I'm just so uncertain. I want to give this a chance, but I don't want to be a bitch who is using him to say I've got a boyfriend or whatever.
 
I am not sure how long you and this guy have been seeing each other. It sounds like it's only been a few weeks, but I could be wrong.

Just because you go out with a guy a couple of times, doesn't mean he is your "boyfriends, it doesn't necessarily mean you have a "relationship" nor does it mean you have rushing into anything.

You shouldn't put pressure to label what is developing if you're not ready to do so.

If you like the pace of things (seeing each other occasionally, kissing), then go with it. When you (and he) are ready for something more (like defining what the two of you are, etc.) you will know.
 
I think maybe you're just so nervous because he likes you back and it's not crushing in silent. Crushing in silent is so much easier, obviously. It's not as if you are leading this guy on, not from anything you posted here. So I don't think you have any worries that you are using him. A kiss isn't really rushing it, not if you make it clear that a kiss is all you're comfortable with and you truly like him. If he is as nice as you say it is worth it to just see him and see how it goes. Just do your best to relax and get to know him before you put all these other issues on it, I know that is much easier said than done.
 
Just be yourself, be honest and open and communicate your feelings to him. Don't be shy, go ahead and talk about things. Tell him you like him and if the feelings are mutual that you'd like to take things slowly. If he is genuine he'll wait around. Otherwise, move on. Good for you being comfortable in your skin and with being alone!
 
Firstly you're hardly a freak for not having had a boyfriend yet, you say you're a freshman in college right?! so you'd be about 18 and that is no way too old to have never had a boyfriend. I was 20 when I had y first boyfriend

Also kissing someone you like isn't really rushing into things but it's always a good idea to take things slowly if it makes you more comfortable.
 
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