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AiRMaRcI9o0

Refugee
Joined
Jul 1, 2003
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I have to admit I don't post here much, but this is something I hope someone else will understand and help me with because I'm really confused right now. I've been with my girlfriend for a good 5 months now, and almost all of a sudden she tells me she isn't happy and needs a break. She told me we would still be really close and what not like we were before just not technically together. I mean I was upset that she wanted to break up for a while because I really like her a lot but I guess I could deal with it. Then I find out the next night she got with a friend of mine and when I asked her about it she couldn't give me a reason why she did it. I feel like I've had my heart torn out of my chest and stomped on the ground now. Even after this she told me she still likes me alot and cares about me but just needs time to figure things out. At the same time she wants me to try and expierience stuff with other people but the thing is I only want to be with her. I don't know if I should just wait, or try doing other stuff or what. Please anyone who can help me understand this help me, I just feel really low right now. :(
 
Bitch! Sorry....sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. I don't believe in "breaks". You're either in a relationship with someone, or you're not. Tell her exactly how you feel and how she's made you feel and ask her to make a choice. If she still insists on messing around with your friends and being on a "break", I think you'll have to move on, even if you don't want to. Anyone deserves better.
 
You know... your dilemma sounded just like how my boyfriend and I was during our early months of the relationship... except it was a bit later on, perhaps during the 8-9 months.... like before a year. Anyway, it was my first relationship and his too... and you can believe that I was hearing everything from everybody about everything under the sun such as "Oh there are plenty of fish in the sea", "don't hitch yourself to the first person that you find", and "do you really even love him (since it's your first relationship)?" There was more but I digress...

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, maybe she got some of those comments but she can't tell you. I'm assuming is because I was scared to tell my boyfriend that and in consequent to that, I was ready to break up with him all because of the "support" that I got from everybody. :madspit: I also wanted him to try and find someone... not because I wanted to experiment with others but because I thought maybe if he moved on he wouldn't have been saddled with a basket case like me. A bit of a parallel somewhat to what you're going through.

But listen, she is wrong to hook up with another person while she's still with you-- especially if she had not officially broken up with you. I suppose you should talk with her somewhat... and maybe you can work through all the stonewalling and find out what really is at root to all this.

That's what we did (reluctantly) and we're still together after 2 years... so-- talk to her. She owes you at least that much, an explanation to what her situation is.


Hope everything goes well though with you. :hug:
 
LivLuvAndBootlegMusic said:
Bitch! Sorry....sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. I don't believe in "breaks". You're either in a relationship with someone, or you're not. Tell her exactly how you feel and how she's made you feel and ask her to make a choice. If she still insists on messing around with your friends and being on a "break", I think you'll have to move on, even if you don't want to. Anyone deserves better.

Sums it up perfectly.
 
Yeah... don't let yourself get walked on. If she wants you, then she has to be willing to do what comes with that, and not take you for granted.
 
Thanks a lot for the advice. Actually Sevikins, your situation sounds exactly like mine is now. We're both in our first serious relationship and ironically someone asked her if she was really happy with me. I guess the question really bothered her and now she wants to see if she'll be happy with other people or if she was happier with me before. We've discussed how we both feel and she still cares about me and likes me, she even said she thinks she'll come back to me...I just don't know whether I should wait it out or do something else. Either way your story has really given me some optimism, and I appreciate it! :hug:
 
Sevikins said:
You know... your dilemma sounded just like how my boyfriend and I was during our early months of the relationship... except it was a bit later on, perhaps during the 8-9 months.... like before a year. Anyway, it was my first relationship and his too... and you can believe that I was hearing everything from everybody about everything under the sun such as "Oh there are plenty of fish in the sea", "don't hitch yourself to the first person that you find", and "do you really even love him (since it's your first relationship)?" There was more but I digress...

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, maybe she got some of those comments but she can't tell you. I'm assuming is because I was scared to tell my boyfriend that and in consequent to that, I was ready to break up with him all because of the "support" that I got from everybody. :madspit: I also wanted him to try and find someone... not because I wanted to experiment with others but because I thought maybe if he moved on he wouldn't have been saddled with a basket case like me. A bit of a parallel somewhat to what you're going through.

But listen, she is wrong to hook up with another person while she's still with you-- especially if she had not officially broken up with you. I suppose you should talk with her somewhat... and maybe you can work through all the stonewalling and find out what really is at root to all this.

That's what we did (reluctantly) and we're still together after 2 years... so-- talk to her. She owes you at least that much, an explanation to what her situation is.


Hope everything goes well though with you. :hug:

This is great advice, communication :up:
 
Expectations and communication - I've learned my lesson.


It's simple, sort of - where you are going, and how are you making progress gettin there?


Hahaha.... yes, relationships are "simple" lol

I wonder where I stand.


I've always been way to damn old, and what I want is out of reach - I'm 18 and want a serious relationship.......

eh....

I guess I should finlaly post something on ZC about this
 
I know it will be the hardest thing in the world to do, but ignore her and act like you don't care at all. I've been there before and the more you try to pull them towards you you actually push them away. It's one of life's ironies. :huh: It's terrible and heart breaking like nothing else in this world but that's the way it is. I really feel for you because I have been there before, probably still am. So be strong and let her go look for a new girl as of NOW. Best of luck. :hug:
 
I've been in a very similar situation. After seven months together my first love told me he thought we should see other people but he still cared for me :blahblah: :blahblah: :blahblah: I was upset and cried and cried and begged him to reconsider and made a complete fool of myself. I cringe at the memory. And to top it off a month or so later when he started coming around again and wanting to go out with me again I was fool enough to agree, thinking we had gotten back together...until he started dating this other girl seriously and dropped me like a hot potato.

My advice is walk away now and don't look back.
 
You have to consider the possibilty that she just doesn´t want to go out with you any more, but because she cares for you is trying to let you down gently. I think, especially when you are new at relationships it can be hard to know how to best approach such things.
I think it is quite common for people to suggest a break when they are scared to come out and just say its over. I could be totally wrong of course, in which I case I would suggest you try to move on, and if she comes back, you can decide how you feel then.
And if it is over, your heart will mend and you will have some nice memories to look back on, but you will have learned alot too...
 
i feel ya brother. be direct, talk to her to set things straight, invite her to do something totally new to refresh both of your minds.
 
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AiRMaRcI9o0 said:
I guess the question really bothered her and now she wants to see if she'll be happy with other people or if she was happier with me before. We've discussed how we both feel and she still cares about me and likes me, she even said she thinks she'll come back to me...I just don't know whether I should wait it out or do something else. Either way your story has really given me some optimism, and I appreciate it! :hug:

I would not wait it out. That seems harsh, yes but seriously why would you want to take someone back who wasn't supposedly happy with you in the first place? What if you took her back and you kept wondering if she is really happy with you?I think that's really crappy that she did this to you but I really think you need to step away from her and discover new things. Go out with friends. Don't pine for someone who isn't happy with you. In the long run, if you both end up back together there's gonna be some sort of resentment.
 
do you want to be in a monogamous relationship?answer this for yourself

i hope your using protection --------- if she likes to sleep around

dont let her lead you on...find someone else - otherwise shes just makin you look like a chump
 
So you're on a break and she's seeing other people to see if she still would like you.

I suggest you do the same then. Start seeing other people and see if you'd even want to keep seeing her. Maybe you'll be the one dumping her.

Melon
 
i've just realised how outrageous this is. Do NOT allow her to see other people if she really has feelings for you. If she likes you enough, then she would be with you and not experimenting with other guys. In all honesty it sounds like she's playing at 'village bike' at the moment and is just mucking you around knowing how you feel about her.

If you're not good enough for her, she's not good enough for you. :down:
 
Yeah I kind of took to heart what everyone has said. I told her I'm not going to wait around for her and that we should just start seeing other people. Although I still have feelings for her and would like to be with her, no longer having any strings attached has really made me feel better. Pretty much I just want to enjoy the last few weeks of my summer without the stress of all her crap. Once school starts up things may be different but for now I'm sure I'll be happier. Thanks a lot to everyone for the advice, I feel much better now.
 
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