Can you want to die....

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if you mean like when you're really sick and you feel like you 'wish you were dead' or if you're in a really bad situation or something i guess so. but i don't think i really understand what you're getting at :eyebrow:
 
I think you can. When I was really depressed I knew it would hurt my mom terribly if I off'd myself, but every night I went to sleep wishing I would never wake back up. I know that would hurt my mom too, but not in the same way.
 
I remember when I was a bit depressed in High School and I would have these thoughts of "what if". Like what if this car hit me right now, and would anyone care. It was self-piteous, and was a long way off from suicidal, but it was still alarming in retrospect.
Hope, is what keeps driving on in moments like that. Hope that things will change if one is unhappy. Hope that God will intercede where we can't.
I find that looking around and seeing what is right helps me to appreciate things quite a bit and drags me out of the pit. To be honest, life has been good to me and it's easier for me to pull myself up, but disappointments do arrive and when they do, it's good to count your blessings. It is good to be grateful for what you do possess, for your friends, for your family (the functioning part) and for health, God, job, school, U2, or whatever you are thankful for. It's a good time to be alive right now! Just being able to listen to new uplifting music is the best! and a tour is coming round, and maybe you will meet the band. Lots to hope for, lots to be thankful for. :hug: You're young, attractive, smart and ebullient. People can't help notice you, these are good things and will serve you well, if you can manage to keep your chin off the ground. See you later in the Octagon...
 
starsforu2 said:
I remember when I was a bit depressed in High School and I would have these thoughts of "what if". Like what if this car hit me right now, and would anyone care. It was self-piteous, and was a long way off from suicidal, but it was still alarming in retrospect.
Hope, is what keeps driving on in moments like that. Hope that things will change if one is unhappy. Hope that God will intercede where we can't.
I find that looking around and seeing what is right helps me to appreciate things quite a bit and drags me out of the pit. To be honest, life has been good to me and it's easier for me to pull myself up, but disappointments do arrive and when they do, it's good to count your blessings. It is good to be grateful for what you do possess, for your friends, for your family (the functioning part) and for health, God, job, school, U2, or whatever you are thankful for. It's a good time to be alive right now! Just being able to listen to new uplifting music is the best! and a tour is coming round, and maybe you will meet the band. Lots to hope for, lots to be thankful for. :hug: You're young, attractive, smart and ebullient. People can't help notice you, these are good things and will serve you well, if you can manage to keep your chin off the ground. See you later in the Octagon...

Awesome post.

Lately, I have been thinking about death and dying. Every night before I go to bed, I think, "Will tomorrow be my last day of living?" There is just so much tragedy going on lately with the tsunami disaster and war in Iraq. Even in the local paper, I read about how young people are tragically dying. I also have a lot of insecurity issues and have very low self-esteem. Sometimes, I say to myself, "I don't want to live anymore. I have had enough of this life."

But for the past 20 years, U2's music has brought me so much joy. God, this album is amazing. Even today, as I was driving to work, I had tears coming down while listening to COBL. It's such a beutiful, uplifting song. A few weeks ago, the same thing happened to me while listening to OOTS. And when I first listened to SYCMIOYO, it brought me to tears, especially when Bono sings, "A house doesn't make a home."
A U2 album has never brought me to tears before. I swear to God.
And the best song is Yahweh. That song is perfect to sing in Church. It is such a perfect Church hym.
This album is really keeping me alive, literally. I think this album might save my life.
 
:hug: TwoAmericas :hug:

This album really is something special isn't it? And to hear from all over the board here how much it has affected people personally...well I feel privileged to share the experience with you all. The album has touched me deeply as well.
 
:hug:Stars :hug:

This album really makes me appreciate life.

Another song that has touched me is ABOY. Everytime I hear that song I think of Kevin Spacey in the movie "American Beauty." Kevin Spacey hates his life, but then become reinvigorated when he becomes infactuated with his daughter's friend. I know a lot of people found it disturbing about an older guy being infactuated with a young girl, including me. But then I realized that that wasn't the point. The point was, this girl reinvigorated him about life and wanting to live and feeling good about himself. Remember him jogging to that great Who song. That was a great scene. I could picture Kevin Spacey jogging to ABOY. That song is perfect for that scene. And the song is about what's it's called, "All Because of You."
 
TwoAmericas said:


Awesome post.

Lately, I have been thinking about death and dying. Every night before I go to bed, I think, "Will tomorrow be my last day of living?" There is just so much tragedy going on lately with the tsunami disaster and war in Iraq. Even in the local paper, I read about how young people are tragically dying. I also have a lot of insecurity issues and have very low self-esteem. Sometimes, I say to myself, "I don't want to live anymore. I have had enough of this life."

But for the past 20 years, U2's music has brought me so much joy. God, this album is amazing. Even today, as I was driving to work, I had tears coming down while listening to COBL. It's such a beutiful, uplifting song. A few weeks ago, the same thing happened to me while listening to OOTS. And when I first listened to SYCMIOYO, it brought me to tears, especially when Bono sings, "A house doesn't make a home."
A U2 album has never brought me to tears before. I swear to God.
And the best song is Yahweh. That song is perfect to sing in Church. It is such a perfect Church hym.
This album is really keeping me alive, literally. I think this album might save my life.

I love Yahweh! :heart: What a humble song. Here is the cool part... you're heart is breaking, but not without cause, it's in those moments that we are most vulnerable and able to hear God, because that's when we need him most. Great Celebrations and Great weeping are when I desire to see God most clearly, other times I have to remind myself to thank him for not making it so dramatic all the time.
I remember last year, at about this time, I was very angry at God because I felt like he had set me up for disappointment. I had met this girl in a way that seemed to be divinely appointed and yet there was one thing missing... she wasn't a Christian, in fact she couldn't believe in God at all. She tried, just couldn't. I was mad at God for not making it happen since everything else seemed perfect.
I remember being out to dinner with some friends and one of my buddies basically put the issue on the table (without my permission :mad:), and as I talked about it, I just broke. I didn't realize how heavy this weight was that I was carrying. That was a holy moment. I was no longer strong enough to continue holding on to this burden and over the next several months I anger at God began to disappear completely. In part, because I realized that God knew more about who was right for me than I did. I realize now how imperfect our union would have been, even if she had become a Christian.
So even though I went through fire to get that point, it was required in order for me to arrive at the point where I'm at now. Today, I consider a relationship that is laid out in front of me, and I carry with me an assurance that I didn't have a year ago. If it fails, it's because it's supposed to, and in the end I will be grateful because somewhere round the corner is that person that I'm supposed to be with. That doesn't mean that there won't be disappointment involved or that there won't be tears, but I believe that the healing process will be reduced, and that I won't be destroyed by it, like so many do.
Good luck my friend! Thanks for offering your encouragement. Sometimes we can actually make a difference! How about that. Wow! :hug:
 
Oooh American Beauty...:drool:

That movie remind me so much of Henry David Thoreau's quote: "Most people lead lives of quiet desperation ...". And as depressing as it might sound, it can be very true. As humans we all yearn and need to feel some sense of fulfillment, we need to feel like a significant individual in a world of millions of others.

The character of Ricky Fitts against Kevin Spacey's character fascinates me... a young man deeply aware of the shallowness of people and the meaninglessness of ordinary existence. But at the same time in spite of his angst, he is feels the need to find beauty in the world, and he is entranced by the randomness of life around him.

Perhaps this could be the crux of the entire point of my thread (I'm waxing poetic now I know) but perhaps this drive for significance is what can lead people to feel ambivilant about thier own life/death.

:shrug:
 
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starsforu2 said:


I love Yahweh! :heart: What a humble song. Here is the cool part... you're heart is breaking, but not without cause, it's in those moments that we are most vulnerable and able to hear God, because that's when we need him most. Great Celebrations and Great weeping are when I desire to see God most clearly, other times I have to remind myself to thank him for not making it so dramatic all the time.
I remember last year, at about this time, I was very angry at God because I felt like he had set me up for disappointment. I had met this girl in a way that seemed to be divinely appointed and yet there was one thing missing... she wasn't a Christian, in fact she couldn't believe in God at all. She tried, just couldn't. I was mad at God for not making it happen since everything else seemed perfect.
I remember being out to dinner with some friends and one of my buddies basically put the issue on the table (without my permission :mad:), and as I talked about it, I just broke. I didn't realize how heavy this weight was that I was carrying. That was a holy moment. I was no longer strong enough to continue holding on to this burden and over the next several months I anger at God began to disappear completely. In part, because I realized that God knew more about who was right for me than I did. I realize now how imperfect our union would have been, even if she had become a Christian.
So even though I went through fire to get that point, it was required in order for me to arrive at the point where I'm at now. Today, I consider a relationship that is laid out in front of me, and I carry with me an assurance that I didn't have a year ago. If it fails, it's because it's supposed to, and in the end I will be grateful because somewhere round the corner is that person that I'm supposed to be with. That doesn't mean that there won't be disappointment involved or that there won't be tears, but I believe that the healing process will be reduced, and that I won't be destroyed by it, like so many do.
Good luck my friend! Thanks for offering your encouragement. Sometimes we can actually make a difference! How about that. Wow! :hug:


I dont know why, but this post has touched me...thank you for sharing it.
 
I have felt that way a lot over the last few years. Recently a 20 year old girl here was murdered and I caught myself asking God why somebody young, attractive and has everything going for them is taken away from this world and I am left to live. Somehow it doesn't seem fair that her life was cut short but mine just drags on...without a whole lot going for it really.

I'm not suicidal...although there have been times when it's a good thing that I was a coward or I think I may have...but I do wonder a lot if there is a rhyme or reason behind who gets to live and who dies.

bah, listen to me...it's a one person pity party!

life is hard and often lonely but it's still life. Even at it's worst it still holds amazing beauty.
 
LoveTown said:

life is hard and often lonely but it's still life. Even at it's worst it still holds amazing beauty.

That's a great quote, you have excellent perspective

I think you can want to die because you're in terrible emotional or physical pain, but that's just wanting out of the pain
 
Stars, I don't even know you, but I found myself thinking about you last night. Life is hard, I guess we have to keep hanging on hoping it will get better. I have everything a person could want--a good job, a good family, I believe in God & am blessed in many ways, still there is something missing--I don't know what it is. I still haven't found what I am looking for. Bless You--you are a great person.
 
I definitely think it's a commong thing when you're really ill (physically or emotionally)- just to get the pain to stop. Ultimately, life is hard, but you try to have fun on the journey.
 
I know this is a serious thread, i dont mean to make light of the content...but i wanted to die last night.
I was at the wedding of a friend whose best man (and best friend) is Wayne Hussy of the 80' and 90's
goth/rock band The Mission....
anyways, weve met him before and hes a very cool and kinda sexy guy. Towards the end of the gathering, my best friend called, and we proceded to have a longer convo then i expected, so i was out of sight for about 30 mins.
When i came back Wayne had left to the parking lot, and i ran to say goodbye and get a pic with him.
We put our arms around each other
(dammit! second sexiest belly i have ever touched!) and he asked me,
quite concerned, 'Where did you dissapear to?" And as i was about to answer, my soon to be ex husband said....

'She went away for a shite'.
 
I know what you mean, there are times when I don't reallly want to die forever but to just go away, hide, or most of all, stop feeling, because it hurts too much.
 
Isn't it like built into our natural instincts to not be able to kill ourselfs or realyl harm ourselves? I know that people who actually, sucessfully commit suicide have some kind of history of mental illness or chemical depression, which would alter that natural instinct to allow for them to kill themselves.
 
yes
the wish for the bad stuff to end
and the longing for and the believe that you might get the good stuff are two seperate things

it's a scary balance I admit though
 
Salome said:
yes
the wish for the bad stuff to end
and the longing for and the believe that you might get the good stuff are two seperate things

it's a scary balance I admit though

Salome, I just wanted to say that it's always so nice to see you posting. :)
 
starsgoblue said:
Can you want to die without actually wanting to do yourself in? Sometimes I wonder....if you can wish for death without actually wanting to bring it upon yourself, if that makes any sense...:huh:

I've driven a motorbike on many occasions and often wondered what would happen if I let go of the handlebars. Life is precious, yet death and what comes after death? is just a second away. I guess if you are quite spiritual or facinated by the whole idea of death and the big question about is there an afterlife of some kind, then I can understand why some people wonder about dying.

Its the one true unknown no one can answer and that in itself hold a lot of facination for many people.
 
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