Alright you want a confession here's one...

[gvox]

Originally posted by WhackaMole:
...Started some doubt of my self-worth I guess....

...do you now, or will you now look at me differently now that I have confessed an ugly secret about my past. The people I know - will you now never look at me the same. If this is the way that it will be then I must leave this place - I'd hate for you to see ugliness whenever I post in this forum.

Leave? Would we consider you 'ugly'?? NEVER! Personally I've never met a U2 fan that I would consider 'ugly'...we are all beautiful in our own ways..personally although I don't know you, I find you to be the prime example of this beauty: confronting the self-doubt, the mis-applied guilt, the beast that violated you in this way, head on and all that resulted, soaring far above it and finally being able to share your experience with all of us.

You're right, tho, I wont look at you the same...I have ultimately more respect for you for taking this brave step than I could possibly have before and I would be privileged to someday make your acquantaince...hey maybe we'll meet at a U2 show one day...much stranger things have happened!

I'm quite embarassed now - maybe I shouldn't have said anything and just kept it to myself. Gabriel - you are the sweetest of sweets and I thank you for your humble thoughts.

Personally I feel greatly privileged to even be a part of your decision to talk to us about this. And now youre making me blush!

Walk On, sister. What you've got they can't steal it!

Gabriel

One. Not the same, but one all the same.



[This message has been edited by gabrielvox (edited 05-08-2002).]

 

[guaca]

An open letter to all;

Before I start I just want to say something Gabriel ? you have no idea ? for I do know you ? and you woke me to bring this all down to earth as there are truly some people here who I do actually know.

Well for some reason I tend to write things down so here goes.

I?ve been a part of Interference for a long time it seems, longer than my moniker suggests as that is not my first. There are many kind souls that I have met along the way. Lately, I?ve been absent as I?ve been dealing with a few skeletons and haven?t felt the urge to enjoy. For some reason I have chosen to wallow a bit. What began with some soul-searching for some reason culminated here.. I?m very glad that I didn?t post under my original moniker because if I had, I don?t think I would have been able to show my face around here again. I can?t believe I did that. Sometimes, because there are no faces to most of the people, you feel safe in a way. Then after I posted it and of course wish I hadn?t hit that post button I couldn?t take it back. Most people who know me or know who I am are always supportive, I sort of expect that it will come and it does. But then there are others who have no reason to post, like Diamond and like Gabriel. People who don?t know me so therefore are unprovoked in their response. I know that probably makes no sense to you but it means a lot to me? It?s just a truckload of self doubt and self condemnation I suppose.

I just wanted to write this because of all the posts and emails I get from my interference friends, so caring ? and I just wanted to thank you for that in all sincerity. It kind of gives me a small glimmer of self-worth which I needed. Even though I know who you are and you are not aware of who I am, and I doubt I?d have to guts to point that out to you if we ever did meet any of you in the future. That?s all I wanted to say. Most would say I?m too melodramatic, but it helps to put pen to paper sometimes?for me anyway.

Many thanks

Oh and I apologize ? I should not just single out Diamond and Gabriel. There are a lot of people who have shown me nothing but understanding and compassion. Sometimes when you aren?t sure how you will make it through, you guys, my friends, and strangers reach out and I feel it.

Who I am now is someone who can?t talk to anyone about this ? but for some reason I can talk to you guys, go figure that one out eh? I have a caring hubby and 2 gorgeous children. I have a roof over my head and I?m healthy. What more can I ask for right? Until the next skeleton rears its ugly head

Words can?t say
I bid you peace



[This message has been edited by WhackaMole (edited 05-08-2002).]

 

[guaca]

Oh my it?s difficult to confront something head on you know. If only I could see what you all seem to see that would be half the battle won.

I know that in order to get past it I should not be meek, I should not be invisible but I should be proud if that?s the word for it. So I?ll try and see how it goes?.thanks for having faith.

 

[V Nura]

It saddens me to here this

You shoudn't feel judged..you did nothing wrong


and gabrielvox..I agree with you on the being ashamed to be male part

 

[joyfulgirl]

Originally posted by WhackaMole:
Oh my it?s difficult to confront something head on you know.

...Which is why we respect you so much--because you are dealing with it, in your own way, step by step.

Take care.

 

[Angela Harlem]

I'm so saddened to hear about that Wacka. I know this thread has just about run its course, and if you are hoping it has all been said and wish it would end quickly, again sorry for adding another comment to it.
I'll keep it short, I really am so sorry to hear you had this happen to you. My main thoughts have already been said, especially very well put by U2girl. I hope you dont feel people treat you differntly now, or that you are being judged, because I think judgement is really the last thing anyone here will do in your situation. As for it changing your presence on the forum, I guess we dont know, but whenever we hear dreadful things, no matter how much of a stranger we are, we feel like reaching out. And you sweetie, are no exception. You are so brave in many ways, and ironically at a time when you feel your most vulnerable. If there comes times when people see you here and remember this thread, its not in judgement, its because even though we dont all know you, your courage touched us. I hope you find support whenever and where ever you need it.

 

[Salome]

Originally posted by Angela Harlem:
If there comes times when people see you here and remember this thread, its not in judgement, its because even though we dont all know you, your courage touched us

 

[guaca]

OK, I?m very touched by all.
A certain few lines come to mind right now. I want to run, I want to hide?where the streets have no name
That?s me right now at this point in time. I truly have no idea what it is I?m looking for in all of this mess that I have dragged out. I see all your hands and grab them for comfort.

I?ve found solace here with people who have no faces, only words.

I?ve found the unlikeliest of souls who has pulled me through this hole. I hope I can see the good in it real soon and start to enjoy the beauty that is out there.

I?m humbled and I?m very very thankful to know you all in some small way. And I hope I can return the favour some day.

Peace