!!!!! ah.... I'm..... I think I'm screwed... you know how you fall into something you

[For Honor]

don't want?




I just had to narrowly escape a date to watching the summer stars at night with a really good girl...


Something is wrong with me...?

perhaps....


It was the "we'll do it as friends thing"
And.... I just didn't feel comfortable doing that with her, because that's defintily a highly romantic thing ...... at least in my opinion



But honestly, I just didn't feel that way about her.

(in fact, I can only really picture myself with one person like that, and it would be so odd to do it with someone else....)

....but I am thusly distanced from everyone.....


even if it was done just as friends.......



It's just so hard, because I didn't want to .... lead her on... but.... she kept on persuing anyway.... and now,..... I don't want to seem like a jerk.....

But it would just be.... not right for me.



And for something like that, everyone deserves someone who really wants to be there with them. That's what I would want.

But who knows. "everyday is one step closer to the next"... *sigh*


I don't like dissapointing someone, but I figure it's better to cut it off at the bud.


....I hope she doesn't take it personally though...

 

[greeneyedgirl]

you did the right thing.

 

[neutral]

It's just so hard, because I didn't want to .... lead her on... but.... she kept on persuing anyway.... and now,..... I don't want to seem like a jerk.....

But it would just be.... not right for me.

If you know that she has "feelings" for you and you don't feel the same way, it is kinder to just cut it off now. I don't feel you're being a jerk.

 

[For Honor]

It was strange though...

I sort of saw it coming, but then I thought it died down, and then.....

..... ....


Well, tomorrow should be interesting



It's hard, too, because she deserves something like that with someone who would appreciate it. But i can't give that to her right now...


but I guess it is for the best this way

 

[Techie2000]

I concur with the two responders above me. That situation was a recipe for the whole thing to just get much bigger and more complicated than it should be...

 

[hiphop]

Its a good thing if you act according to your instincts. If you want something, do it; if you don´t want, just don´t do it. I needed years and years to find to that inner balance and check what I really want, and then pursue only that. I love to do things "for others". on the other hand, I always was a very egocentric person, so I don´t know if thats a real positive thing. But however, single life has a few advantages - sometimes

 

[For Honor]

Well, instincts.... perhaps.....


I still can't have waht I want though! (dammit!) lol


She just wasn't what I wanted.
I guess it's that simple.
(even though I am aware of all the emotional, etc, things that go along with it)

But really, I'm so messed up in this point in my life



What I want is so far away. Yet that's all I want

That's sort of a stupid way to be

 

[Needle_Chill]

Just to play devil's advocate, what if you were to realize upon going out with her (or merely spending more time with her), that something is there.

When I was thinking to myself prior to the first time I went out with my girlfriend, I thought it would never work. This was partly because I didn't know much about her on a deep level, because I had bad luck recently before with another girl, and also because I was scared shitless. Fear can be a big hinderance, and if you think "I can't give her what she wants" maybe you're selling yourself short.

As for your feelings, you never know how something will make you feel until you're there in the moment, and it might take you out of this "messed up" part of your life.

People will tell you not to complicate things. That's not foolproof advice, because life IS complicated. If you think your not being fair to her, well just realize she's taking a risk and she must know this.

I say explore it a bit more before you close the door, cause life only comes around once, and if you don't start taking some real risks, and making some huge decisions, you may just wake up one day and realize that you're still messed up, and half your life is gone.

 

[For Honor]

That is good advice, thankyou.


it's not that I cannot give her what she wants- it's not that I don't have it. It's that I don't have the ability to be with her the way she wants me to be

I don't feel the proper level of longing for her, and it would be unbalanced and unfair. It's flattering that she feels a certain way about me, but I cannot accept it.


....The messed up part in my life is the distance that exists, and that I create, between people and myself. It's not just me, and it's not just my environment. It's both.

And it's "messed up", because I don't interact like most people do.



It is wrong of me to sound like a victim, because I accept my actions and theri consequences. I am just dissatisfied with the moment....

But the moment will pass, and I will soon be in a place, mentally and physically, where I can do as I please. But right now, all bets are off, and I'm just not getting involved with anyone, basically.


It's a very temporary part of my life, essentially.



I think, in a mature and big picture way, we could actually get along very well. But at this point in my life, weather I'm not ready, not able, or not willing, I just don;t want to be with this person.

It has very little to do with her- as in, she is a quality person and it's not that " I don't like her", etc.

It's my choice really.




And I feel confident about this, in that, years from now, should she be with someone else, rich and famous, or anything like that, I won't be like "Damn, I shoulda done that with her way back when..."

I will be thinking, "wow, I'm glad she's had success. She's a great person and deserves it. "


And even if I should develope stronger feelings for her later, at this point in my life, I will be able to deal with the descision I made, because using all the logic and reasoning at my disposal, it is the best choice - for me, her, and "us", in redards to our relationship. I am glad she is my friend, though.

--------


But I really appreciate your advice, Needil_Chill. I will remember it.


Inadvertantly, though, in responding to your post, I think I came across a lot of reasons, and a lot of good ones, so I feel good about my decision.

It's funny how that works sometimes


But I am working on taking risks...
I'm taking one right now, in regards to other things,
But I will keep that in mind, too......



Thanks again