after all these years you'd think i'd have let go.

[cell]

i just realized i STILL have alot of anger and resentment against men in my past.

my father. he and i hardly keep in touch. i know he'll see this. sorry dad. last thing i want to do is keep hurting over this.

my exhusband. he's an ass.

my exbf. too many things to list.

just talking about some stuff with my bf this past saturday he noticed i was getting visibly upset.

i know its not healthy to keep this in, and it kinda says that im not over the pain and hurt i experienced over the years with these men.

i just dont know how to get over it.

 

[Adam's Member]

Icelle.......

hey, words can cut deep, and the way we are treated can affect us and stay with us for a very long time.

It has only been recently that I have been able to not actually hate my ex......I used to hold in so much hate and anger......I can honestly say that at one point I couldn't have cared if she died.

It is not healthy to keep stuff pent up inside, it is ok to express yourself, and let it out....and find healthy outlets for your feelings.

as for getting over things.........

I have said this before...and am convinced it is true,

somethings we just never get over.....we only get through.......and that's enough

we get through, we get by and with a little help from our friends...hopefully the journey is a bit lighter.

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

I feel grudges a lot. There's a song from Alanis Morrissette called "This Grudge" that you might relate to. Good luck.

 

[Got Philk?]

Hey Icelle,

first things first, if I read this right. Your current bf was willing to listen to you. I would say like Adam's Member, with a little help from his listening, perhaps things will only get easier. Make sure you hug him after he listens.

So from there, I get two things. One, you can feel free to talk to him when needed. Trust me, you're not bitching and moaning. He'll listen!

And two, not to push aside the original topic, but this also came to mind. All these feelings towards men in the past can make you so happy for what you have right in front of you, I forget his name. I've read it before, and really it's not needed , but I'm talking again about your boyfriend.

Still though...Take care of you! and though your feelings will still be there, try and remember the good things you got going right now too.


p.s. I hope you don't read this as "stop complaining." I don't mean it taht way at all. I only mean to try and spin something you said into a positive for YOU. k?

 

[U2Kitten]

I think there is a difference between a 'grudge' and someone who has damaged you so much you can't ever recover and you certainly don't want any more to do with them. If someone has hurt you so much, and does nothing but continue to cause you pain, you have to keep them out of your life for your own good because they will only do it again. This is not a grudge, and don't let anyone tell you it is. I have a certain relative who always does me like that, I won't speak to her for years, then she plays nice for awhile and sucks me in so she can hurt me again. I tell you now I will never take her back again, and this is not a grudge but common sense. It's like the old story about the snake.

You cannot help how you feel. Don't feel bad about it. You are what you are, your own personal experiences have made you feel the way you do, and no one else can possibly understand or judge.

 

[absintheminded]

I agree with U2Kitten.

When a person hurts you the first time, it is their fault. When they hurt you again, it'd be safe to say that it is your fault.

Just because you're family, does not mean that you need to be forgiving time and again. Do not stoop yourself to their level. Go on and be a better person, without them in your life.


And I sure hope that you won't stereotype men in the future. There are a LOT OF GOOD MEN out there! Try not to see men as a whole, try to see beyond them and as individuals. Becoming cynical will only limit your possibilities of meeting a GREAT and WONDERFUL man in the future. Keep your chin up!

 

[MaxFisher]

if you can afford it...therapy really helped me get over a lot of the anger and resentment I felt towards my parents. my relationship with them is the best it has ever been.

 

[gman]

Am the same .............ABOUT WOMEN!!

I could level all the same issues you mention in yer list toward the women from my life.
Count yer blessings that for the most part, Men cant take yer kids from your life. It is soul destroying!!

 

[gman]

Also just like to add, there is a gulf of difference between having genuine greivances against individuals and just feeling sorry for yerself coz things havent worked out how you wanted. I really dont belive that ppl get involved in yer life to intentionally tear it to shreads