advice needed

[loverippedaway]

well here we go...

me and this girl dated for 6 months, and it was the happiest of times, until we broke up last week...most of my friends don't really like her, and think she walks all over me, which i sadly agree with. but i don't think i can be without her...she makes me happier then anyone else in the world, even with the things she has put me through....anyway, we broke up last week and went one week without talking. then on saturday she called me, to get back her stuff...she met me at my work..and we made the giant mistake of kissing. aftre that i invited her to a party..and we were together...looking like a regular couple...eventually my drunken best friend had words with her, and my ex girlfriend admited that she was playing games with me, and treating me poorly. fast forward to today..(monday.) she asks me if we can see each other...i foolishly say yes.... she makes me happier then anyone in the world...but right now i don't know if this can work..any advice would be much apprciated! thank you in advance.

 

[U2Girl1978]

You already know that she is walking all over you. Don't let her anymore. (I know, easier said than done right?) She knows that she can get away with it because she knows you are so in love with her. It seems like she likes playing this game with you. Your friends are looking out for you because they see what she is doing to you. But, it's up to you what you need to do. Do you want to be with someone who walks all over you? Or do you want someone who will give you the respect that you deserve?

 

[BonosBaby12]

Though you really love her so much is what she's doing to you really worth it? Perhaps you should spend some time away from her.

 

[lauramullen]

I agree with the other 2. You need to get away from her and you don't need her to be walking all over you. You deserve better than that. Have you told her how you feel? I don't know what she would do if you told her what you told us, but maybe she would change.

 

[VintagePunk]

...and my ex girlfriend admited that she was playing games with me, and treating me poorly...

When you say that she admitted what she was doing, did she do so in a "ha ha, I've got him wrapped around my finger and he'll put up with anything" way, or was it a "I was completely wrong and want to make it up to him" way?

If it were the latter, I would give her another chance, with the understanding that you expect better treatment, and no more games. See if she's willing to change her behaviour. If not, cut ties with her. You may love her, but there are lots of girls out there to love who will treat you decently. Good luck!

 

[Ralphie]

I guess it partly depends on how she walked all over you during the relationship...was it harmless "spoiling" her by always being the nice guy and doing things for her, or was it an emotionally unhealthy relationship?

 

[loverippedaway]

Re: Re: advice needed

When you say that she admitted what she was doing, did she do so in a "ha ha, I've got him wrapped around my finger and he'll put up with anything" way, or was it a "I was completely wrong and want to make it up to him" way?

If it were the latter, I would give her another chance, with the understanding that you expect better treatment, and no more games. See if she's willing to change her behaviour. If not, cut ties with her. You may love her, but there are lots of girls out there to love who will treat you decently. Good luck!

it was more so in the way that she was wrong about it, and is trying to make it up to me now...thats why i thought i'd give her another chance, we were talking on the phone last night and she was apologizing constantly for treating me badly.

 

[Sweet Tart]

that's good that at least she sees the error of her ways and is willing to make up for it. let's just hope they aren't just words and she treats you the way you deserve.

 

[Sicy]

The problem is you say she makes you very happy. I know it's hard to look at the bad stuff when you feel that way. If anything you should sit down and have a long talk with her, put your foot down, let her know that you do want to be with her but you will not let her walk all over you!

 

[Infinity]

i feel ya brother man. well atleast she sees she's wrong; i say don't forgive her too quickly, but give it another chance.

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

This is kind of hard to give you advice on, because you don't just have to "put your foot down", you have to change your entire approach to this relationship.

Nobody likes a doormat. It seems good at first but in the end it gets boring and us humans tend to look for somebody else to conquer. Take her back now and continue acting the way you have around her and you'll simply be delaying another break-up, and possibly worse, she could cheat on you or something and from the way you've just descrbied this relationship I don't think you would reecover from that all too quickly.

So, change your entire approach. Ideally, in a relationship there should be a balance in which both of you love each other the same, but a lot of times this doesnt happen. There's usually the lover and the loved. In your case you're the lover and she's the loved one. Not healthy, bro.

The first thing you have to ask yourself: where's your self-esteem, man? Why would you let someone treat you that way? Part of being a man is imposing some sort of respect towards you and of all things, having a backbone.

So first, you are worth a lot. No one should be treating you this way. Period. I don't care if she's drop dead gorgeous, I don't care if she's J-lo, don't take crap from her.

Second, realize that there are other women out there who just might treat you better than she does. Do this now that she's around, because if you don't you just might have to the hard way - if she leaves. I know right now you probably think there won't be anyone else out there but trust me, they're out there.

In summary, be a man. Put your foot down. You like a kind of music and she doesn't? Well, tell her that's all she's going to hear from now on. And I don't know why women react this way but amazingly, she'll respect you for it. I've seen so many girls dump the sweetest guys over jerks and I'm still baffled why some of them might be so dumb. They seem to love being mistreated. Don't ask me why, that's just the way it is.

Basically, stay a doormat and you'll be a lonely doormat pretty soon.

Best of luck, bro.

 

[loverippedaway]

I want to say thank you to everyone, especailly BrownEyedBoy. I am putting some of these things to work, and I will be back to report on how things go! Thank you once again everyone.

 

[u2bonogirl]

A lot of times we think that we can't live without another person. And only after we have to live without them do we realize that we didn't really need them all that much in the first place.
It's a need for companionship that really drives us.

If it just makes you feel good having someone there to be with, to share time with, to hold on to, then it's really better for you to get that feeling from somebody who won't just walk all over you.
There are always other people that will make you feel just as good that won't treat you like crap

 

[Muggsy]

I'was in a very similar situation two years ago... I had a boyfriend who was a great person but he neglected our relationship and he knew it. It was very hard for me but I decided to cut him off, because, although I was happy when I was with him (or I think I was), he put me through a lot of shit and half of the time I was suffering a lot for that. It was like having a ribbon over my eyes, trying to convince myself how happy I was with him, and that was wrong.


to be honest, you deserve better. You don't need to pay a few times of happiness letting her walk over you. She had her chance, she lost it (as so did my ex) , it is time for you to think about yourself and look for a healthier relationship.

 

[The Disciple]

Dump the wench.... hopefully in a public and loud manner. U'll feel better.