A situation

[DaveC]

I know this sounds almost identical to a situation I had a few days ago, but trust me this is not me. My situation was resolved Tuesday.

Anyways I've got a friend who's got a bit of a dilemma.

She's going out for the second time with a guy (Guy #1) who's also one of my really good friends. He really fucked up the first time and they broke up but now they're back together, he's learned his lesson. Anyways she was at a party a month back or so and ended up meeting a guy (Guy #2) who she says is totally her type: she likes metalheads. Problem is now she's falling for Guy #2. Hard. Bigger problem is he lives an hour away. Biggest problem is Guy #1 loves Girl to death, and even though he really doesn't show it to her, he's a damn good guy and I know how he truly feels. He'd be devastated, and she's not sure if her thing for Guy #2 is just a crush or if it can develop into something more.

Here's where you folks come in. She needs advice. I told her about me presenting my issues with Rachel and how awesome the advice you guys give is. I offered to have her dillemma posted up and see what you guys thought.

Everything that is said here will be passed on to her.

Give'r.

 

[beli]

Well not date or dump them both. I guess if the first guy likes her but is not showing her this than perhaps he needs to get his act together.

Im from the no going back school. Break up with somone and not go back. Too much baggage.

Just my $0.02 worth.

 

[Mr. BAW]

Before I answer and post, did you tell Rachel what you did????

 

[madamadam]

I'm actually in a situation similar to this. Im going with guy #2, but its too early to tell if its the right thing. The thing is, if guy #1 cant tell her honestly how he feels, then they shouldn't be in a relationship until theyre ready to be open like that. (I dont know all the details to this situation, but i hope this helps a little.)

 

[Joha_U2]

I think she should go for Guy #2... I agree with beli, you shouldn't look back once you've dumped someone or have been dumped. It'll just end up hurting you again.
Like Bono says "F*ck the past, Kiss the future"

Just my opinion

 

[DaveC]

Before I answer and post, did you tell Rachel what you did????

No, I didn't. We broke up on Tuesday over a fight we had back in May, and it's been weirdly awkward since then. It was mutual and amicable.

But that's not the point. The point is Girls' problem with Guy #1 and Guy #2.

 

[biff]

Your poll doesn't really cover the options; it's too narrow.
You say Guy #1 loves the girl to death, but he doesn't really show it to her, but YOU know how he truly feels. Why doesn't SHE know how he truly feels? What's the problem here? How can she be expected to make a choice when she doesn't know the full story, but the guy's friends do? (How can we be expected to give her advice when her own friends seem to be witholding information?)
With regard to Guy #2, living an hour away is not a problem, if the relationship is sound. She needs to determine if there is indeed a relationship and not just a crush. She needs to sort out her issues with Guy #1 before she gets involved with #2. That's only fair to both guys, and to herself. She needs to be clear in her head that she's done with #1 before she embarks on anything beyond a flirtation with #2. In order for her to do that, #1 needs to come clean about his feelings for her.
(I doubt if any of this makes sense.)

 

[Angela Harlem]

If she's going to be with either of them, it has to be for the right reasons. She can't view #1 as a sure thing and #2 as a risk. They're people, not odds in a bet. I know you worded this and the situation is more complicated than what can be conveyed here, but she has to view it the right way. If #1 is not what she really wants, that is fine, but she should finish up with him before moving on to another guy. The next guy (#2) might work out, might not. Whether it will or not is not a reason to move on, any more than the security of #1 is a reason to stay put.

And tell your mate, #1, to pull his head out too, and show her how he feels.

 

[AcrobatMan]

>>Everything that is said here will be passed on to her.

I dunno..

but say my HI to the girl

 

[meegannie]

If she's going to be with either of them, it has to be for the right reasons. She can't view #1 as a sure thing and #2 as a risk. They're people, not odds in a bet. I know you worded this and the situation is more complicated than what can be conveyed here, but she has to view it the right way. If #1 is not what she really wants, that is fine, but she should finish up with him before moving on to another guy. The next guy (#2) might work out, might not. Whether it will or not is not a reason to move on, any more than the security of #1 is a reason to stay put.

And tell your mate, #1, to pull his head out too, and show her how he feels.

 

[Mr. BAW]

No, I didn't. We broke up on Tuesday over a fight we had back in May, and it's been weirdly awkward since then. It was mutual and amicable.

But that's not the point. The point is Girls' problem with Guy #1 and Guy #2.

You're absolutely right, it wasn't the point, I was just curious before I voted in your poll because the situation seems so familiar. good luck as always.

 

[Muggsy]

I'm in the same situation.... but in my case... guy 1 and guy 2 are friends too

so i don't know what to do

 

[Laura M]

Is she going out on dates with guy #2? She has to make up her mind about what she wants, she hasa boyfriend but is interested in some other bloke. I don't think dating both of them is really an option, someone will probably end up getting hurt.

If guy #1 likes her so much he should show it. If he's such a good guy he should let her know how he feels. If it was a solid relationship would she be considering leaving him for guy #2, it doesn't seem like either of them are really that commited to staying together if he can't show his feelings to her/ she is flirting with another bloke.

If she does like guy #2 I would suggest she ends things with guy #1 before starting anything. If it doesn't last well that's the risk you take when you start a relationship, you never know what's going to happen.

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

i vote #2. take the risk. what does she have to lose? i too don't really agree with dating people you've broken up with in the past. especially if the break-up was messy, the wounds won't have completely healed and past tensions will come back up again.

if she stays with #1, i can almost guarantee they'll break up again for the same reason(s) they did before.