A question for "soccer mums"?

[fly so high!]

Or Dads.....or anybody else that has kids in a sport.....or anyone that was a kid in a team sport...or a coach of a team sport!

I'm not sure if i'm doing the right thing for my little fella, Reece.My son is 5....will be 6 in July....and i have enrolled him in his second season of Soccer....his first comp game was today......and he did not play the whole second half.....he told me that he can't run fast and that "Seb" & "Jackson" are just too good and they get to have the ball all the time......he has had already 4 trial games and all he does is carry on like a goose!,tickling the opponents,tickling his team mates,plays in the dirt.....the ball comes to him and he just looks at it....does not even attempt to kick it.....I get the impression he does not like Soccer, even though he gets upset if i threaten to pull him out of soccer training/soccer games if he does not start going after the ball.

I don't know how to motivate him, the coaches (Dads of some the "strong" players) are friends of mine and they say he is fine give him time, but i'm not sure they are just saying that because they don't want to tell me the truth...that my son is not the "soccer" type......i can see some of the kids are starting to ridicule him,i can see that the coaches are starting to get frustrated and so am i to be frank.........I did not want to enrol him this season but everyone kept telling me next season will be different,Reece himself said he wanted to play again, the coaches said you will see an improvement.......well, i've seen an improvement in the other kids, in all the other kids.......they have been passing the ball,marking players, but not in Reece (except that he has stopped making "grass angels" on the ground!

What should i do? Should i pull him out....I'm concerned for his self-esteem! But i don't want him to think it's OK to give up, just because he feels it's too hard!
Or do i need to relax? Is it that Reece happens to be in a team with more "strong" players than normal and that i'm over re-acting?

 

[Angela Harlem]

as annoying as it might be because you could lose the rego fees you've paid, but you need to find him a comp which is not as serious, or is more a hit and kick kind of thing where they have fun more than play to win. it's going to be easier than try and get the coach to give him a break, and see poor reece be picked on. when he catches up and is faster and more skilled, bring back then. if you keep him there, it will only end in tears. for both you and him, i reckon.


is there little a's near you? the variety might really appeal to him. and he can find kids of all skill levels at once. he wont be noticed if he cant run as fast. he can pick 10 different things at once.

good luck cherin,

got bub on lap, sorry for incoherency!

 

[Lila64]

Does your son practice at home with you or his father? Maybe he's not ready yet

 

[beegee]

I get the impression he does not like Soccer, even though he gets upset if i threaten to pull him out of soccer training/soccer games if he does not start going after the ball.

I'm not a soccer mum, but I am a mum, that's for sure.

If he doesn't like soccer, don't make him play soccer. Let him find something he loves to do and encourage him in every possible way to follow it.

Why not tell him it's ok if he doesn't like soccer or that you think it's fine if he doesn't want to start going after the ball? Why not tell him that the two of you can find something else he likes?

Why do you "threaten" to pull him out of soccer? Perhaps he gets upset when you "threaten" him because he's afraid of disappointing you.

 

[fly so high!]

as annoying as it might be because you could lose the rego fees you've paid, but you need to find him a comp which is not as serious, or is more a hit and kick kind of thing where they have fun more than play to win. it's going to be easier than try and get the coach to give him a break, and see poor reece be picked on. when he catches up and is faster and more skilled, bring back then. if you keep him there, it will only end in tears. for both you and him, i reckon.


is there little a's near you? the variety might really appeal to him. and he can find kids of all skill levels at once. he wont be noticed if he cant run as fast. he can pick 10 different things at once.

good luck cherin,

got bub on lap, sorry for incoherency!

He did do Little athletics and he loved it but competition finished a few weeks ago.....that is certainly something he will do again.
I have thought about placing him in another team, even another club to play soccer , as the team he is on absolutely thrashes their opponents, no kidding 12 - 0 and they were just the trial games.....today the team won 9-0........his friends play in this side, some of my friends are the parents on this side.

I'm going to find it hard to explain why i want him out of the team without offending my mates ,as i really do not like the way they train the the boys.......it's just always mini-games at training, so the same kids score the goals,the same kids are the goal keepers.......i have timed the coaches on how much time they spend on basic drills.....and it's something like 5 minutes....i don't think it's enough........for Reece anyway.

 

[fly so high!]

Does your son practice at home with you or his father? Maybe he's not ready yet

When we play in the backyard or in a park he has loads of fun with the ball, he dribbles it well, he kicks a little weak but he certainly does it with a smile.....it's just when there is others around hacking the ball from him he gets the super-shits and fires off at them or starts to cry....he would be happy if it's only him and a goal on the field.......he is happy to put his kit on, he is happy to go to training, he is happy to go to the games, i don't force him to play soccer at all.....it's when he is on the field with the rest of them that he loses the plot and becomes so unfocused.

 

[JCOSTER]

You know my boys have been baseball players since they are 2 years old....My one son really likes basketball and plays that as well, my younger son really likes football but I told him he has to wait till he gets older to play tackle football.

Maybe soccer just isn't his sport and he hasn't had an opportunity to try others yet. Maybe you can introduce him to the other sports and see if one catches his fancy.

 

[Carek1230]

We tried all kinds of sports and activities for our son years ago to find out what best suited his abilities and he is grateful that we did that and were patient while he landed with the sports he really enjoyed (roller hockey). He played soccer for 6 years on all kinds of teams and the team it sounds like your son on is an experience we experienced as well and it wasn't for our son, so we pulled him from the team. It was the more play for the fun of the game and learn the drills kind of sport our son enjoyed and excelled at in soccer. There are various levels and we knew early on the die hard play to win or do anything to win teams were not for our son. I'd be honest with your mates telling them the truth that this level isn't for your son and you are going to move him to something more his level of skill to save his esteem (it is so sensitive at young ages!) and keep him from getting hurt. If they don't take it well it's their loss, they don't understand. It will be better for your son in the long run. It's also so important for father and son to practice together in the yard or park. Good luck to the both of you!

 

[fly so high!]

Thanks for the advise guys........I agree moving him to a soccer team that is more suited to his abilities will be much better.......but i'm not sure how Reece is going to take it, his mates since Daycare/Playgroup is on his current side.....I don't think he knows anyone from the other teams, hopefully that won't matter too much......he definately is not the die-hard competitive type, he just loves to have a run around....I just wish it was with the actual Soccer ball. If this does not work i might get him into basketball.....he seems to like bouncing a ball more than kicking it

 

[UberBeaver]

I'm not a mum, but, I was a 5 year old boy once. When I was your sons age (a year or two older maybe?) I played the same way he did. I just ran around like a maniac, or stopped to entertain myself with something that gained my attention. I then went into semi-retirement and didn't play again until I was 10 and I made the all stars. Maybe it's just a matter of finding him which position suits him - I was a good goalie, awful forward / mid fielder, OK on defense.

 

[BonoIsMyMuse]

When we play in the backyard or in a park he has loads of fun with the ball, he dribbles it well, he kicks a little weak but he certainly does it with a smile.....it's just when there is others around hacking the ball from him he gets the super-shits and fires off at them or starts to cry....he would be happy if it's only him and a goal on the field.......he is happy to put his kit on, he is happy to go to training, he is happy to go to the games, i don't force him to play soccer at all.....it's when he is on the field with the rest of them that he loses the plot and becomes so unfocused.

It definitely sounds like he's not in the right league. At his age, I feel like sports ought to be about having fun and learning to play as part of a team and not so much winning and losing. I always get a little worried when I see kids being super competitive in sports from a young age--I wonder if they're doing it because they want to, or if their parents are making them. You have the right attitude, that you want him to have fun and find the sport and team that are best for him. Good luck!

 

[Liesje]

I played soccer when I was 6 and 7 and tee ball when I was 5 and 6. Both were through the rec dept. for the city so it was very cheap (maybe even free?). We only had a team because some of the parents coached it and made us shirts. I don't think we officially kept score for either sport. Of course the kids did, but it wasn't a big deal. I remember one soccer game I was elated because I *almost* scored a goal.

If your kid is crying and feeling really down about it, I'd try something else. IMO at that age, they are too young to understand the concept of healthy competition, and many of the parents take it way too far. If he's not enjoying it, take him out. It's not like if he doesn't play soccer now he can't play it later. My little bro rarely played soccer as a kid and he ended up making the high school team several years in a row (for a class A size school with a state champ soccer team, that was quite a feat).

I was a gymnast and my husband taught gymnastics for years at a local gym. He had a lot of little boy students that really enjoyed it because it was very physically challenging, they got to learn all kids of cool flips, but at that age they don't compete (here, you cannot compete USAG levels until you are 8). A lot of parents avoid it because they think it's girly or gay for their sons to be in gymnastics (their words, not mine), but the little boys I know that do it love it. Our gym also has "all sports" classes for boys where they don't compete, but they learn skills like shooting layups, dribbling soccer balls, swinging bats, karate kicks, gymnastics flips....just all kids of sports skills that little boys love. It's a great program for younger boys since they don't have the focus or the passion for a single game at that age and would rather be sports in general than competition (since competition involves certain people always getting overlooked at practices and having to sit out most of the games). These types of things are great for younger boys, if you have them around.

 

[Got Philk?]

I don't think you have to give up totally on the sport. Here's what I learned in my 5 years working for the YMCA and other gyms. 5 years old can still be a time where the dandilion flower is more important than the actual gameplay.

My first instinct is this. Really, at age 5, the worst thing you could do is compare your kids to other kids. It sounds like your son likes soccer for social reason more than the actual game right now. Honestly, this has been way more common in my experience than a 5 or 6 year old who really grasps the game.

My big thing has always been this...in order to get one to truely enjoy a sport, it has to be fun at the start of it all. If he's always down when he comes back from soccer, I might say be careful so he doesn't associate soccer with

So cop out answer from philk, it's up to you if you think it's worth it right now.

Edit: And honestly, the best thing I ever taught was that all-sport class. I had a class of 5 boys. Each were quite behind in sport skills for their age...which didn't matter in this class. All that mattered was this. I taught them the basics. Simple things. But according to the parents, each kid got the CONFIDENCE to want to try out for sports with kids their age. So, maybe be on the lookout for a small program that works on just the basics in a fun way! I'll come teach if you need me.

 

[fly so high!]

I'm not a mum, but, I was a 5 year old boy once. When I was your sons age (a year or two older maybe?) I played the same way he did. I just ran around like a maniac, or stopped to entertain myself with something that gained my attention. I then went into semi-retirement and didn't play again until I was 10 and I made the all stars. Maybe it's just a matter of finding him which position suits him - I was a good goalie, awful forward / mid fielder, OK on defense.

Reece LOVES being Goalie.....and he was a great little goalie last season!! This Wednesday......I'm going to ask the guys if he can have a turn at being goalie.

To think about it......I've always played defence roles in sport....I played Goal Keeper and Goal Defence in Netball and played position 4 in basketball! I sucked at offensive roles

 

[fly so high!]

I don't think you have to give up totally on the sport. Here's what I learned in my 5 years working for the YMCA and other gyms. 5 years old can still be a time where the dandilion flower is more important than the actual gameplay.

My first instinct is this. Really, at age 5, the worst thing you could do is compare your kids to other kids. It sounds like your son likes soccer for social reason more than the actual game right now. Honestly, this has been way more common in my experience than a 5 or 6 year old who really grasps the game.

That was what i was worried about.........that my insecurities could make him loose the love of the game....any game. I never thought of myself as a parent that compares kids especially my own.....but it gets hard when you are out on the sideline and other parents are yelling "GO,GO,GO,GO,GOOOO.........YEAAAAAAAH!!!" followed by cheers, and there's my son running the opposite way trying to catch his shadow.
It got to the stage where other parents were clapping Reece for touching the ball with his boot........i know they were not being vicious, i know they were prolly trying to make light of the situation.....i dunno......it just pissed me off....I want the cheers for Reece......... legitimately......you know!
After Reece has a go at being goalie, i'm going to put in a request for him to be moved to another team, i'm pretty sure it will be best in the long run.....it's not like he won't see his friends again.

 

[JCOSTER]

I could understand that too, but maybe the other parents work their kids to death with practicing. We go through that with baseball, kids 8 and up having year round coaches and playing on 3 different teams and sometimes playing 3-4 games in a day.
Its crazy and I refuse to do it to my son, and to tell you the truth is just as good as any of those kids, so when your son is running around chasing his shadow think of it as he is still soooo innocent.

 

[fly so high!]

I was a gymnast and my husband taught gymnastics for years at a local gym. He had a lot of little boy students that really enjoyed it because it was very physically challenging, they got to learn all kids of cool flips, but at that age they don't compete (here, you cannot compete USAG levels until you are 8). A lot of parents avoid it because they think it's girly or gay for their sons to be in gymnastics (their words, not mine), but the little boys I know that do it love it.

It's funny you mention that, cause my mother has always said "why don't you get him into Gymnastics! He loves climbing and flipping off the coach and bed" i always fobbed it off....not because i thought it was not for boys.......more so that i know nothing of the sport.......this is certainly something i should look into, i think it would compliment well in the off-season of little Athletics

 

[fly so high!]

I could understand that too, but maybe the other parents work their kids to death with practicing. We go through that with baseball, kids 8 and up having year round coaches and playing on 3 different teams and sometimes playing 3-4 games in a day.
Its crazy and I refuse to do it to my son, and to tell you the truth is just as good as any of those kids, so when your son is running around chasing his shadow think of it as he is still soooo innocent.

The coaches do emphasize the "lets get goals" but the kids are not worked hard by any means........they are just plain good. I know most of the parents outside of soccer and what i can see they never shove soccer down their throats....but i know that "Jackson's" (number 1 striker) had a Dad that used to play National league back in the 80's and then there is "Seb" (number 2 striker) who comes from Chilean background (say no more!)

I have to admit it was cute at first and it still is at times....it just looks so unusual when he is the only kid doing it!

*remembering the time when he ran around acting like that "Clam" out of Camp Lazlo (cartoon) and pinched the ref on the bum!*

 

[JCOSTER]

That is pretty funny. I do see your point though.

He just has to find his nitch. Your a good parent so I'm sure you will guide him in the right direction. It'll just take some time.

 

[Liesje]

It's funny you mention that, cause my mother has always said "why don't you get him into Gymnastics! He loves climbing and flipping off the coach and bed" i always fobbed it off....not because i thought it was not for boys.......more so that i know nothing of the sport.......this is certainly something i should look into, i think it would compliment well in the off-season of little Athletics

I'm not sure how it works by you, but in the US there's recreation gymnastics and competitive gymnastics. Rec programs are designed for fun and learning the skills. They don't have competitions. Some have them put together routines at higher levels, but others are just teaching the skills. The USAG competitive program is the main program in the country. Most gyms are either rec only or have a rec program and a competitive program. If the younger rec kids look good for competition or want to try, typically they get in a "pre-team" class at age 5 or so. I'm not as familiar with the boys program, but the girls are not allowed to compete until they are 8. There are 10 Levels and you start competing at Level 4 (Level 1-3 you just have to learn the skills and get the OK from the coaches to move up). Levels 4-6 are compulsory routines, meaning everyone does the exact same routine on every event. Level 7-10 are optionals, meaning there are skill requirements, but you design your own routines. Elite is after all the Levels and is for kids who want to compete internationally or get good scholarships for uni.

Some other options would be tumbling and or trampoline. If he's more interested in doing the flips than having to also learn some skills on bars, vault, etc., a tumbling program would be good. You'd be surprised at the skills young kids can do when they put their mind to it. 5/6 is a great age to start because they haven't developed that healthy fear that will hold back an older gymnast. They are small and light so it's very easy for coaches to spot and position them for proper technique.

Also, gymnastics is great for individuals because you can move at your own pace. Typically, kids 2-5 will be divided based on age. After that, most clubs with divvy them up into gender groups based on skill level. So I'm guessing that first your son would be in a group of his peers for a year or two, but then he'd be placed in a group based on skill level, so no one can be mocking him and he'll be given as much attention as the next kid in the class.

 

[Mofo]

From what you are saying I went through exactly the same thing your kid is going through I HATED soccer (still do probably because of that) anyway ask him if he enjoys playing and either two things; he will say right away he doesn't like it or he'll hesitate a lot give him options, maybe he is not into sports, maybe playing an instrument.

By the way I changed from Soccer to Basketball and I got quite good playing for my school team.

 

[Got Philk?]

Re: Re: A question for "soccer mums"?

From what you are saying I went through exactly the same thing your kid is going through I HATED soccer (still do probably because of that) anyway ask him if he enjoys playing and either two things; he will say right away he doesn't like it or he'll hesitate a lot give him options, maybe he is not into sports, maybe playing an instrument.

By the way I changed from Soccer to Basketball and I got quite good playing for my school team.

I hated soccer too...and loved basketball. Until I was 24 years old. Now...I love soccer and hardly play basketball!

Wierd how things work out.

Fly so High...I didn't mean to make you feel bad or anything with my "don't compare" post. It's easier said than done for sure.

And lastly, I have always been the defense player as well. Basketball, the best challenge for me was to be put on the toughest guy to guard. Soccer...I play indoor now. Everyone loves to score goals. meh, I like to STOP you from scoring goals. muahahaha.

Your son will find his place in something. In fact, I bet you'll see a huge difference when he turns 6...and then even more at 7. But what direction? Ahhh...that's the fun of life.


A.D.D. post anyone?

 

[U2Kitten]

.

 

[Mr. BAW]

their kids are dorks.

those kids are children; don't call them dorks.

 

[U2Kitten]

.

 

[fly so high!]

Re: Re: Re: A question for "soccer mums"?

I hated soccer too...and loved basketball. Until I was 24 years old. Now...I love soccer and hardly play basketball!

Wierd how things work out.

Fly so High...I didn't mean to make you feel bad or anything with my "don't compare" post. It's easier said than done for sure.

And lastly, I have always been the defense player as well. Basketball, the best challenge for me was to be put on the toughest guy to guard. Soccer...I play indoor now. Everyone loves to score goals. meh, I like to STOP you from scoring goals. muahahaha.

Your son will find his place in something. In fact, I bet you'll see a huge difference when he turns 6...and then even more at 7. But what direction? Ahhh...that's the fun of life.


A.D.D. post anyone?

Nah....you did not make me feel bad........the fact is i was comparing Reece to the others!

But....I just want to find out about the very last thing you wrote........"A.D.D post anyone?" Did you mean that you think my son has ADD (as in Attention Deficit Disorder)

Cause' he does'nt...............Well it has not been diagnosed........yet............It has been mentioned before........by a friend of mine that has a child with ADD and Day Care, she noticed some simularities between them........there we go again, comparing. I was very concerned regarding school as he is in Kindergarten (1st year of schooling) but he is fine..............I spoke to his teacher and she says he's fine,learning beyond what is required right now....she did however noticed he gets easily distracted (so had to make sure he was not sitting next to the more "rowdy/naughty kids) but his behaviour is still very "age appropriate", he loves school and comes home with Good news awards all the time and we have only finshed Term 1!! I have spoken to our GP about our past concerns and what i have been told is you cannot really properly diagnose ADD until around the age od 8 anyway.

*fingers crossed*

Anyhoo........missed Soccer training today as friends of our are leaving tomorrow and we had dinner together. I did ring the coach and asked if he could have a go at being Goalie this weekend.

Thanks guys, i will post how he goes on Saturday morning!

 

[UberBeaver]

I think Phil was alluding to he himself having ADD, I think he felt his post was sort of random and all over the place. I could be wrong.

I think your son is fine. He sounds like me when I was his age, and look at me now!.......uh.... I was always bored and distracted as a kid. He might need a coach that will engage him more though, get him to focus on what he's doing.

 

[Liesje]

I think Phil was alluding to he himself having ADD, I think he felt his post was sort of random and all over the place. I could be wrong.

 

[Got Philk?]

Re: Re: Re: Re: A question for "soccer mums"?

Nah....you did not make me feel bad........the fact is i was comparing Reece to the others!

But....I just want to find out about the very last thing you wrote........"A.D.D post anyone?" Did you mean that you think my son has ADD (as in Attention Deficit Disorder)

Oh no! I'm sorry! no no no no no no no no no no no! The A.D.D. was all about my post!

I have to post better. is there a sticky on how to be a good poster on Interference? But it does however prove my post was ridiculously all over the place...and possibly hard to comprehend.

No, I meant my post was A.D.D. Your son is fine I'm sure. I'm sorry for the confusion! But hey, think of it this way! Your son has GREAT social skills for his age!

I'll just shut up now...

A.D.D. + shut up! = gotphilk
\\//

 

[fly so high!]

How embarassesment!

It's just that i have just finished reading Dr Christopher Green's - Understanding ADHD...(actually i think the term ADD is no longer in use....here...anyway!) and i have done the the little *not-official-ADHD-assessment* for the third time on Reece..........and everytime so far he does not meet the criteria BUT only by the foreskin of a bee's dick.....by 1 or 2 traits........which is great, don't get me wrong,I'm happy about that, I just wish the margin was more obvious, whether he has it or not!

So i'm very over-tuned to the term ADD,ADHD at the moment........ it will pass.......until i next read the book when i think he is ADHD again or when he turns 8 years old. No hard feelings, honestly!

Thanks everyone, it's great reading the posts, it really does bring some normality to the way i'm feeling and also accepting Reece is a "normal" little 5 year old .............I really prolly should start a journal or something for this type of discussion but the thought of having another thing to maintain *arggggggh!*