love_u2_adam
Blue Crack Addict
Well i thought i would just try to review my last 6 months. A lot has gone down, a lot of stuff i haven't really told. A lot i need to get off my chest which i think this is the best place. so judge me if ya want. 
ok i broke up with my boyfriend of like 5-6 months back in January, best thing ive ever done i think. He was sooo controlling and he took away my best friends. I couldn't talk to guys. He called me, and still does call me a slut, a whore and a lot of names. He was 18 and had no life, no literally no life once i broke up with him he finally fucking found one .Once that was nice and done with i went back to one of my best friends, Jesse, who i shared a really important first with ( im not gonna say what it is but i wont ever regret it because it felt and still feels like it was meant to happen). He is the only thing that has kept me going over the past 5 months. I get myself in a lot of shit, like with my friends and "boyfriends" (you could call them). He is always there, its weird how we're still talking because after what happened back in September i swore him out of my life because he hurt me bad. But i cant see him out of my life now, He's like my brother. LOL he buys me alcohol a lot and takes me out a lot, its funny how ive actually grown up over the past year and to see it to. I actually look back at the first time i put on make-up, my crazy middle school prep friends slapped it on me and everything grew from there. Boys, Friends, Cars, Money, Make-up. Like i really have found out a lot about life in the last 10 months and gone through sooo much. it shouldn't be happening now but it is. Death also like my grandma SHOULD NOT be dead, but she is. I should still have my relatives around.. i don't. Ive had so many people come in and out of my life, people that shouldn't be doing that. Ive had only a few close friends and guess what they did 2 weeks ago fucked off together, my two best friends who i thought would always have my backs turned on me. They were the crappiest friends to so who cares but its like ouch. I only have Jesse and maybe one or two close people but i don't have many friends. Why have a lot of friends if they're gonna fuck you over, meh. Ok my self esteem its only really gave me the middle finger now. This weekend i was in Ottawa for my band camp. I had an amazing time but i kinda broke down. This one kid who gets me every time called me ugly and said i had a gross body right to my face. im usually stronger then to just crumble down but i did right there in front of him but it wasnt like "ohhh you are heartless" i just sat then leaned into my friend and cried. Sometimes i cant take it, like most of the time im happy with the way i look but then like 50% of the time i hate myself. I gotta get over it tho but i don't think i will. But any who im really tired and im happier now that its out there i guess.
ok i broke up with my boyfriend of like 5-6 months back in January, best thing ive ever done i think. He was sooo controlling and he took away my best friends. I couldn't talk to guys. He called me, and still does call me a slut, a whore and a lot of names. He was 18 and had no life, no literally no life once i broke up with him he finally fucking found one .Once that was nice and done with i went back to one of my best friends, Jesse, who i shared a really important first with ( im not gonna say what it is but i wont ever regret it because it felt and still feels like it was meant to happen). He is the only thing that has kept me going over the past 5 months. I get myself in a lot of shit, like with my friends and "boyfriends" (you could call them). He is always there, its weird how we're still talking because after what happened back in September i swore him out of my life because he hurt me bad. But i cant see him out of my life now, He's like my brother. LOL he buys me alcohol a lot and takes me out a lot, its funny how ive actually grown up over the past year and to see it to. I actually look back at the first time i put on make-up, my crazy middle school prep friends slapped it on me and everything grew from there. Boys, Friends, Cars, Money, Make-up. Like i really have found out a lot about life in the last 10 months and gone through sooo much. it shouldn't be happening now but it is. Death also like my grandma SHOULD NOT be dead, but she is. I should still have my relatives around.. i don't. Ive had so many people come in and out of my life, people that shouldn't be doing that. Ive had only a few close friends and guess what they did 2 weeks ago fucked off together, my two best friends who i thought would always have my backs turned on me. They were the crappiest friends to so who cares but its like ouch. I only have Jesse and maybe one or two close people but i don't have many friends. Why have a lot of friends if they're gonna fuck you over, meh. Ok my self esteem its only really gave me the middle finger now. This weekend i was in Ottawa for my band camp. I had an amazing time but i kinda broke down. This one kid who gets me every time called me ugly and said i had a gross body right to my face. im usually stronger then to just crumble down but i did right there in front of him but it wasnt like "ohhh you are heartless" i just sat then leaned into my friend and cried. Sometimes i cant take it, like most of the time im happy with the way i look but then like 50% of the time i hate myself. I gotta get over it tho but i don't think i will. But any who im really tired and im happier now that its out there i guess.
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