Mrs. Garrison
Rock n' Roll Doggie ALL ACCESS
today was really no different than any other, i woke up late and went out for a cigarette on the front porch, plotted how to call in sick for work, thoughts of death creeping in from somewhere.
I called my boss and told her "i quit (BITCH!)" but she smiled (im assuming she smiled...that is) and said "oh your such a tease, we'll see your happy face in a bit now wont we" click.
Sigh. again im faced with the prospect of driving across town and sitting in a cubicle all day analyzing data, listening to the gossip of overpaid fat chicks nearby while pissing on my chair.
So, i load up the car with weaponry and drive v e r y s l o w l y towards my office complex. Again. Except this time i make it, just like in my dream. This is the time i finally snap and shoot up half of my coworkers, i say to myself. I sit in my car, in my assigned spot, for a good 30 minutes with my jaw open and a death grip on the steering wheel praying for a heart attack or a jet engine to drop out of the sky and crush me into little tiny pieces.
After while i work up the courage to go inside and commit mass murder, i carefully arm myself and stroll up to the glass door, with a plan in my head on who to kill first and how many times to pump their head full of gunpowder.
Past the guard "good morning sir" he quips in broken english. I nod back and keep on going, so much for shooting the first person that acknowledges me. Oh well, Hector is a good old guy, ill kill him on the way out. Past the secretaries front office, into my area i walk in with a two day old beard and dark shadows under my eyes, guns hidden by a big overcoat. I dont see my coworkers at first, but i hear them gathering over in the break area. Around the corner and i see them in a circle with their backs to me, im reaching into my coat for a pistol thinking to myself i could spray blubber all over the walls like whale parts blown up on a beach. About that time they turn around and yell out to me "SUPRISE! Happy birthday Mrs. Garrison!" and there is a cake on the table and everybody is singing to me, telling me to come forward.
I'm stunned and i don't know what to say, i had totally forgotten this day was my birthday, how appropriate that i could die on the same day i was born?
I survey the party goers, im sweating profusely, still wearing the overcoat. "make a wish and blow out your candles" they yell out and beckon me closer. I'm terribly moved, but im a man on a mission and this is my reckoning. I'm blowing out the candles with tears in my eyes, probably a couple of them even fall onto the cake. I step back and look each one of my coworkers in the eye, im not sure what to say. But the truth, " i wish...i wish that each one of you were dead.... right now"
Their silence is predictable as i reach into my coat to grasp my guns and smoke the whole room..about this time i hear a stern but familiar voice from behind me call out "STOP!" but im paralyzed by the sound...unable to turn around and see who or what it is.
I called my boss and told her "i quit (BITCH!)" but she smiled (im assuming she smiled...that is) and said "oh your such a tease, we'll see your happy face in a bit now wont we" click.
Sigh. again im faced with the prospect of driving across town and sitting in a cubicle all day analyzing data, listening to the gossip of overpaid fat chicks nearby while pissing on my chair.
So, i load up the car with weaponry and drive v e r y s l o w l y towards my office complex. Again. Except this time i make it, just like in my dream. This is the time i finally snap and shoot up half of my coworkers, i say to myself. I sit in my car, in my assigned spot, for a good 30 minutes with my jaw open and a death grip on the steering wheel praying for a heart attack or a jet engine to drop out of the sky and crush me into little tiny pieces.
After while i work up the courage to go inside and commit mass murder, i carefully arm myself and stroll up to the glass door, with a plan in my head on who to kill first and how many times to pump their head full of gunpowder.
Past the guard "good morning sir" he quips in broken english. I nod back and keep on going, so much for shooting the first person that acknowledges me. Oh well, Hector is a good old guy, ill kill him on the way out. Past the secretaries front office, into my area i walk in with a two day old beard and dark shadows under my eyes, guns hidden by a big overcoat. I dont see my coworkers at first, but i hear them gathering over in the break area. Around the corner and i see them in a circle with their backs to me, im reaching into my coat for a pistol thinking to myself i could spray blubber all over the walls like whale parts blown up on a beach. About that time they turn around and yell out to me "SUPRISE! Happy birthday Mrs. Garrison!" and there is a cake on the table and everybody is singing to me, telling me to come forward.
I'm stunned and i don't know what to say, i had totally forgotten this day was my birthday, how appropriate that i could die on the same day i was born?
I survey the party goers, im sweating profusely, still wearing the overcoat. "make a wish and blow out your candles" they yell out and beckon me closer. I'm terribly moved, but im a man on a mission and this is my reckoning. I'm blowing out the candles with tears in my eyes, probably a couple of them even fall onto the cake. I step back and look each one of my coworkers in the eye, im not sure what to say. But the truth, " i wish...i wish that each one of you were dead.... right now"
Their silence is predictable as i reach into my coat to grasp my guns and smoke the whole room..about this time i hear a stern but familiar voice from behind me call out "STOP!" but im paralyzed by the sound...unable to turn around and see who or what it is.