Pat Robertson Says Divorcing A Spouse With Alzheimer's Is Justifiable

[purpleoscar]

Originally Posted by cobl04

So you're both saying that if you divorce someone in poor health, that means you are unequivocally, inarguably a cold, heartless asshole? shades of grey people

No that's not what I'm saying. Divorce should be based on physical and/or emotional abuse. It can also be about addictions and bad behaviour. Dumping someone because of a disease that's not their own fault is selfish. It also shows that people who are too comfortable in their lifestyle get so spoiled that when the chips are down they don't want to own up to the responsibility. When you dump somebody who has a serious medical condition you are basically leaving them to the "kindess of strangers" who don't have the same motivation that a loving spouse SHOULD have.

Having a personal experience with Alzheimers I can tell you those who help their family do just fine and don't regret it when it's all over. I'm happy I made a sacrifice to help out. It's not all negative in taking care of someone who you care about. Life isn't all about a cool lifestyle until you kick the bucket. Life ebbs and flows and throws circumstances you won't expect and it's a part of life to adapt. When I'm old I hope that I will be taken care of and not abused or neglected.

Do I have to invoke Gandalf?

Frodo and Gandalf - YouTube

1:33

[Liesje]

Maybe I'm a heartless bitch but I don't see it as divorcing someone "because of an illness" I see it as divorcing someone because they are no longer "there". Shades of gray....I see a difference in, say, divorcing someone who becomes wheelchair bound than divorcing someone who no longer even recognizes you and needs round-the-clock hospice care. I don't think that the marriage itself is the responsibility of the healthy spouse, but making sure the person in hospice is comfortable and well cared for. If for some reason I became a vegetable and was kept alive, I would hope to God that Phil would move on with his life and find someone else who he could actually have a relationship with and be happy. Even if he didn't get an actual divorce why would I care that he be in a relationship with someone else? He deserves to have a life and a family.

[MrsSpringsteen]

Couldn't you say that someone who has depression is no longer there? Depression is hell to deal with, literally. You are not the same person at all. Or a myriad of other illnesses? But I can see it from the side you are talking about too.

[Liesje]

Couldn't we have a 50000000 page thread discussing the possibility of every ailment? Who knows..... Neither I or my spouse suffer from depression so I can't really say how I would deal with it. All I know is that regardless of what he would do, I would not want my spouse to sit there at my bedside for years because of some piece of paper. I guess I'm not that obsessed with the "sanctity of marriage" or whatever. I see no reason why a spouse could not move on and find another relationship while still assuming some if not all financial responsibility for the well-being of the ex and even still visiting. I do not see the benefit for either person in remaining married just because. The marriage certificate alone does not dictate how people treat each other. I've seen people treat their exes better than other people treat their spouses. People will do what they will do because of how they are. I don't think a marriage certificate can or should change that.

[MrsSpringsteen]

Um ok, I just brought up a point..just a thought. Nevermind.

[mama cass]

Maybe he wouldn't want to be sitting with you just because of a piece of paper? Maybe he would actually want to be there? I have cared for a loved one, and I'm so glad I did, just to have those moments with her while she was alive. I would give anything to be able to sit by her beside one more time.

[Liesje]

Originally Posted by MrsSpringsteen

Um ok, I just brought up a point..just a thought. Nevermind.

I'm not mad at you I think the whole thing is stupid, people (Robertson, et al) who think they can preach down about when it's OK to do this and not OK to do this. Who can you marry, who can you divorce...bla bla bla. Everyone's experiences are different, everyone's relationships are different. I just don't get the whole obsession these "types" have with mandating such personal aspects of peoples' lives as if they somehow possess some higher level of knowledge and wisdom that gives them the right to boss others around.

[occlith]

Pat Robertson is an ass.

[BVS]

Pat Robertson Tells Man to Beat his Wife, Move to Saudi Arabia - YouTube

He's at it again

[MrsSpringsteen]

Yeah, I saw that one yesterday. He's a disgrace. I believe I also saw him sitting behind Romney at one of Romney's campaign events, saw a clip on the news. Why he'd want to be associated with him in any way, shape, or form-I have no idea.

[the iron horse]

As a believer in the message of Jesus, I recommend that you ignore
most of what you see on "so called Christain Television."


Sad, that the Good News gets so twisted.

[cobl04]

On the contrary, I think evangelical television is fucking hilarious.

[LemonMelon]

Originally Posted by cobl04

My grandfather divorced my grandmother after she got MS still loved her, made sure she was very well looked after and moved on with his life.

Not to be judgmental, but if this is the precise order of the events (without leaving anything out), it's a pretty shitty thing to do.

It's also not really the same thing, since MS is an autoimmune disorder and Alzheimers affects personality and behavior drastically. You're hardly even married to the same person, and I get that it becomes a grey area. Can't really see any justification for leaving someone because of their autoimmune issues.

[cobl04]

She went into a nursing home. Her mind slipped. Was paralysed below the waist. Needed constant care and attention. She wasn't the same person. People have got divorced for much less. And I'll thank you not to comment on it.

[LemonMelon]

Sorry Cobbs, take it easy on me, I was very clear that I was commenting without all the facts and stuck a qualifier on about every other word. Personality changes are really common with MS but I've never heard of anyone having it that badly (we're comparing it to Alzheimer's here) so I didn't assume that was the case. Didn't mean to sound like an ass.

The purpose of this thread is to pile on Pat Robertson for being a hypocrite in light of his piety, but I do think most of us would struggle severely in this situation. Obviously personality changes are a major factor in this case, and would be a deciding factor for me personally, which is why I brought it up. It would be easier to stick by the person when their behavior matches that of the person you married. So, I dunno, I sympathize with his argument, though his religion makes it irrelevant.

[MrsSpringsteen]

Huffington Post

Pat Robertson said that "awful-looking" women are to blame for a romance-deficient marriages.

It all started when a 17-year-old boy wrote to Maxim magazine asking for advice on how to get his videogame-loving dad to pay more attention to his mom. Robertson decided to offer the teen some advice of his own during a recent episode of the Christian Broadcasting Network's "700 Club."

"It may be your mom isn't as sweet as you think she is," said the 82-year-old. "She may be kind of hard-nosed."

Robertson then went on to to say that "awful-looking" women can be to blame for certain marital problems:

A woman came to a preacher that I know, and she was awful looking. I mean, her hair was all torn up and she was overweight and looked terrible, clothes bad and everything. And she said, 'Oh, Reverend, what can I do? My husband has started to drink.' And the preacher looked at her and said, 'Madam, if I was married to you I'd start to drink too.' We need to cultivate romance, darling! ... You always have to keep that spark of love alive. It just isn't something to just lie there, 'Well, I'm married to him so he's got to take me slatternly looking.' You've got to fix yourself up, look pretty.

This is not the first time Robertson has blamed women's appearances for marital problems.

As Think Progress notes, during a 2010 episode of "The 700 Club," a caller asked Robertson how to get her husband to stop flirting with other women.

"First thing is you need to make yourself as attractive as possible and don’t hassle him about it," the Christian televangelist said. "And why is he doing this? Well, he’s doing it because he wants affirmation that he is still a man, that he is attractive — and he gets an affirmation of himself ... But you need to not drive him away or start hassling and hounding on him, but make yourself as beautiful as you can, as fun as you can, and say let’s go out here, let’s go there, let’s go to the other thing."

He has also joked about wife-beating as a means of gaining respect, the New York Daily News notes.

Robertson has been married to his wife, Adelia "Dede," since 1954.

[BonosSaint]

Oh, sigh.

[MrsSpringsteen]

How did he find that letter to Maxim? Maybe his wife isn't attractive enough and was hassling and hounding him, so he needed to read it?

[BonosSaint]

Kind of wonder what his answer is to a woman not paying attention to her husband.

[Moonlit_Angel]

He has also joked about wife-beating as a means of gaining respect, the New York Daily News notes.

Robertson has been married to his wife, Adelia "Dede," since 1954.

...um....

Gee. Such intelligent advice being dispensed there ! So, do tell, Robertson, what exactly constitutes "awful-looking", in your opinion? And does that work the other way, then, with "awful-looking" men?