Jive Turkey
ONE love, blood, life
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2005
- Messages
- 13,645
Nobody here is uncomfortable talking about it. If that's going to be the line you continually hide behind, we're not going to get very far.
And the meta issues really are here to be examined. This is the root of the feminist issue again, quoted from above. We live in a culture that routinely awards less social, economic, political, personal and sexual power to women than to men. No one wants to pick that ball up.
Why would it be difficult for women to talk about and difficult for men to hear?
I'm sorry my last quote came off as patronizing. I thought it was appropriate because several men on this thread have in fact expressed anger at being implicated in a system that oppresses women, and examples of reverse sexism (I know a boss who doesn't like men, there exists a small percentage of men who experience domestic violence and such) have certainly been used on this thread to minimize the complexity, size, and the personal aspect of our problem.
We live in a culture that routinely awards less social, economic, political, personal and sexual power to women than to men-- that's the fundamental claim of feminism. Is it bogus?
at the same time you have people in the usa who STILL want to take the vote away from women
yes there has been improvement but at the same time you have people in the usa who STILL want to take the vote away from women
Who are these people? Can you link us to some info on them? What percentage of the population do they make up?
This is a boogeyman argument.
As it happens, I have a neighbor who does not support suffrage for women. He's part of a very conservative religious movement called Biblical Patriarchy which is gathering a surprising amount of momentum. Politically speaking, they're most closely represented by the tea party although even that is too liberal for them.
In my own life I find that it's difficult for men and women to talk together about how sexism or the patriarchy influences our individual choices. We'd rather think that it's just circumstances, rather than cultural attitudes that push us in the direction we go. Here's an example from my own house.
My husband is not a sexist guy in any overtly identifiable way. He deeply intuitive and emotional, prefers the company of women to men and is not at all invested in traditional masculinity. However, he does have an unconscious assumption that unpleasant parenting work is easier for me than for him, whether it's stinky diapers or nighttime parenting. I didn't get any special diaper changing or baby soothing lessons when our kids were born. There's no reason why waking up to tend a baby is easier for me than him. But he tends to assume that these tasks will be done by me unless I specifically request otherwise. And when I do he frequently plays dumb, asking for so much help in carrying out the task that it would be easier for me to do it myself. This isn't resentment, complaining or man-hating, it's just a fact of our relationship as we've allowed it to develop.
Is this situation influenced by the sexist text we both grew up with? Yes. Is it based on a historical division of labor where childcare was the exclusive work of women? Yes. Does it leave me with the bulk of the less pleasant parenting work while he "helps" by playing with other children? Yes. If we made our parenting choices with a very explicit goal of gender equity, would we do differently? Yes. But-- would it help at all to point out the sexist subtext of these arrangements? No, it definitely wouldn't. He would be very hurt by that, and it would pretty much ensure an unproductive discussion. Sussing out the issues of gender equity and domestic work would take a lot of time and delicate handling, and a lot of times I just need the baby to go back to sleep so I can too, and I choose to take the shortest route to that goal.
That's an example of everyday sexism and how it's difficult to talk about. Pearl's example of the sexually experienced woman was a great one. Probably a guy in this situation doesn't consciously think that he deserves to have more sex than she does. He just thinks, Eew. He can make allowances for himself that he can't make for her.
And Pearl, I tried to make clear that it's not a complaint-- if what I wanted was sympathy I know of better places to go. It's a true representation of one aspect of our relationship that I used to illustrate a point. There are lots of good things about him, some of which I mentioned. GG wanted to know why men in particular might find it difficult to discuss, and I gave her the most concrete example I know of. The point is that gender politics exist even in good relationships between people who respect and love each other very much and have no conscious awareness or intention. Believe me, I knew I was taking a risk when I used a personal example. I'd like very much not to be judged for it. The point I've been trying to make for days is that gender politics play out on a personal level, among ordinary people, and this is one example of that.
Why are you curious about what we women think?
"The fact that she doesn't play the victim and shows that girls can be as aggressive and bad in many ways might in some twisted way pave the way for (women) to play in a more level field with men,"
"The fact that she doesn't play the victim and shows that girls can be as aggressive and bad in many ways might in some twisted way pave the way for (women) to play in a more level field with men,"
Should I not be?
This is quite the generous interpretation. There are ways for women to own their sexuality in a way that is empowering; pandering to the raunchy-chic fad in as pompous and self-aggrandizing a manner as possible is certainly not one of them. People like Miley and Britney Spears are not just detriments to feminism, but to human society as a whole. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
So basically, I'm wondering what you are thinking about Miley's act. I hope you're not thinking the world is at end over this.
The only thing feminist I could think of about Miley's act is that it is really unfair that in order to be sexual, a woman has to be as naked as possible. Meanwhile a man can be fully clothed - like Robin Thicke - and still be seen as sexual. It is as though a woman can only be a sexual being if she's a piece of meat, instead of letting her sexy personality shine through. Unfortunately, many women, like Miley, don't realize this.
My opinion on the Miley's act is about the same as Iron Yuppie.
Unfortunately, many women, like Miley, don't realize this.