College freshman commits suicide after sex tape posted on internet by roommate

[MrsSpringsteen]

Originally Posted by Irvine511

considering gay kids are 4x more likely to commit suicide than straight kids, and 9 out of 10 gay kids report being harassed, you don't think a modicum of sympathy is in order here?

homophobia continues to kill.

Absolutely. That aspect of this tragedy is even more important than the social media aspect. Would this have even happened if he had been in bed with a woman?

[Liesje]

^ That's what I was thinking/wondering. Did he kill himself because of the sex tape, or because his sexual partner was a man?

[MrsSpringsteen]

I just meant would they have even posted and used a camera? He posted "I saw him making out with a dude. Yay" So that would be the homophobia aspect.

[MrsSpringsteen]

From an AP article

ABC News and The Star-Ledger of Newark reported that Clementi left on his Facebook page on Sept. 22 a note that read: "Jumping off the gw bridge sorry." On Wednesday, his Facebook page was accessible only to friends.

Even if the young violinist from Ridgewood was not well known at his new school, his death stirred outrage.

"The notion that video of Tyler doing what he was doing can be considered a spectacle is just heinous," said Jordan Gochman, 19, of Jackson, who didn't know Clementi. "It's intolerant, it's upsetting, it makes it seem that being gay is something that is wrong and can be considered laughable."

Other students who did know Clementi were upset that they didn't do more to help him. "I wish I could have been more of an ally," said Georges Richa, a freshman from New Brunswick.

About 100 people gathered Wednesday night for a vigil on campus. They lay on the ground and chanted slogans like, "We're here, we're queer, we're not going home."

Several gay rights groups linked Clementi's death to the troubling phenomenon of young people committing suicide after being harassed over their sexuality.

On Tuesday, a 13-year-old California boy died nine days after classmates found him hanging from a tree. Authorities say other teens had taunted the boy, Seth Walsh of Tehachapi, for being gay.

Steven Goldstein, chairman of Garden State Equality, said in a statement that his group considers Clementi's death a hate crime.

"We are heartbroken over the tragic loss of a young man who, by all accounts, was brilliant, talented and kind," Goldstein said. "And we are sickened that anyone in our society, such as the students allegedly responsible for making the surreptitious video, might consider destroying others' lives as a sport."

Last week, Dan Savage, a columnist at the Seattle weekly newspaper The Stranger, launched the latest of several efforts to try to stem the problem: the It Gets Better Project, a YouTube channel where gay, lesbian and bisexual adults share the turmoil they experienced when they were younger - and that their lives are better now.

In response to Clementi's death and other incidents, the group Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays said it would issue a "call to action" on the subject on Thursday.

[Liesje]

Originally Posted by MrsSpringsteen

I just meant would they have even posted and used a camera? He posted "I saw him making out with a dude. Yay" So that would be the homophobia aspect.

True...or maybe they would have filmed it but then laughed about it (in which case the girl would probably be the damaged on.....)

[A stor]

Originally Posted by Irvine511

considering gay kids are 4x more likely to commit suicide than straight kids, and 9 out of 10 gay kids report being harassed, you don't think a modicum of sympathy is in order here?

homophobia continues to kill.

Sadly that is very true, Irvine.

Both of my grown kids who happen to be heterosexual were never allowed to make fun of other children while growing up. My husband and I would not have tolerated "bullying". Words are just as hurtful as actions. Neither our daughter or son were bullies. Making both of them quite popular when they were at school. They were taught to be respectful and accepting of all others. Nasty words were never used in our home. A good friend of my son and his wife, is a lesbian. They love her and couldn't care less about her sexual orientation.

I think it is horrible what was done to this young man. To video tape and show on the web. What are private moments? It should be illegal. I doubt if the young man gave his consent. It's no joke when actions, words deeply hurt another. Would anyone of us want to be made fun of. For simply being who were are? I wouldn't.

P.S. In my above post. I meant to say "inexcusible." It was a typing mistake on my part.

[A stor]

Originally Posted by MrsSpringsteen

Makes me absolutely ill too-complete lack of caring for the feelings and rights of another human being. All of these social networks are just a new avenue for it. I have no interest in any of it and stories like this just reaffirm that. I think it detaches and dehumanizes, and brings out those types of qualities in people who would have them regardless-in a way it emboldens them.

Don't know how they're going to live with that for the rest of their lives

I agree 100%. Where is respect and compassion for another human being? And I agree with Joerags. These cruel actions make me very sick to my stomach.

I am in my fifties and was never a bully. I still run into people from my school days. They always say hello and how are you. Even people I didn't know too well. Will speak to me and say it is good to see you again.

Something to think about for the young folks. Do you want people to remember you as being a nice person or someone who was a complete jerk? The choice is yours.

[Irvine511]

Originally Posted by Liesje

^ That's what I was thinking/wondering. Did he kill himself because of the sex tape, or because his sexual partner was a man?

no one will really know, but probably because he was outed long before he was officially ready, and then to have that broadcast -- it's an unimaginable double-whammy of humiliation.

also, i wish that Michigan assistant AG would just admit his gigantic crush on the school president.

[AliEnvy]

My hope is that while we're rethinking privacy due to social media, the exposure of cruelty will be so harshly criticized and punished, publically, that it will therefore perhaps, be diminished. Being an asshole will now stick to you for the rest of your life.

A new scarlet letter "A".

[MrsSpringsteen]

Yes I'm sure he was just using it for room security. Why not just talk to your roommate if you have any concerns about strangers being in your room? The posts don't exactly fit that scenario anyway. The snarky "gotcha" sneaky tone is fairly evident.


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Although Vice President for Student Affairs Gregory S. Blimling refused to confirm or deny reports about the case or the students involved, he said there are consequences for such behavior at the University.

"The [University] Code of Student Conduct has an element that says that students may not do unauthorized videotaping or recording of other students," he said. "So that would violate the Code of Student Conduct."

The University's Code of Student Conduct outlines penalties ranging from reprimanding students to permanent expulsion, Blimling said.

Depending on the circumstances, the administrative hearing officer and Office of Student Conduct may determine the punishment, or a student can opt to have a hearing before a committee that will make a recommendation as to how the University should respond, he said.

"Our goal in dealing with any student who is involved in dealing with any kind of issue of student conduct is an educational goal, is to help them understand how their behavior would have affected other people and get them to change that behavior and learn from other people," Blimling said.

But Blimling said no one should draw conclusions from hearsay.

"So often when reports of any kind surface, that information that comes out initially is misconstrued by the media," he said. "So I would not believe everything that the media has currently published."

Some residents of Davidson Hall, who wished to remain anonymous but are close to Ravi, agree with Blimling's idea. They say the media has distorted the story.

"No one knows [what really happened,]" one student said.

Neighbors in Davidson Hall said Ravi is a friendly, funny young man with a good heart, who would not purposefully hurt anyone.

"He's a good guy who made a poor decision," one student said.

Students said Clementi asked his roommate Ravi to leave the room so that he could have time alone with a guest on the evening of Sept. 19.

A strange, older male later arrived at the room, they said. Ravi went to Wei's room, where he used a computer to access footage of the room from his webcam, they said.

Ravi had no intention of witnessing any kind of intimate encounter between the two, but rather wanted to see if anything unusual was taking place inside his room, as he was not familiar with Clementi's guest, they said.

"He just wanted to see what was going on," a student said.

Upon seeing what was taking place inside the room, Ravi immediately closed the window on the screen, the student said.

A similar series of events took place on the evening of Sept. 21, and Ravi then stayed in another friend's room for the night, a student said.

No footage of either encounter was recorded or broadcast, students said.

"[Ravi] had no intention to violate Tyler in any way," a student said.

[MrsSpringsteen]

Originally Posted by AliEnvy

My hope is that while we're rethinking privacy due to social media, the exposure of cruelty will be so harshly criticized and punished, publically, that it will therefore perhaps, be diminished. Being an asshole will now stick to you for the rest of your life.

A new scarlet letter "A".

I don't think people who are that much of an asshole even care about that. If they thought about the consequences why would they even do it in the first place?

[AliEnvy]

This may not be a great analogy but think about drunk driving and consequences and how it has changed over time. Through social stigma as much as legal consequences really, you know, as opposed to the potential that someone may die.

In the last article you posted, someone said he's a good guy who made a bad decision. That gets said quite often about drunk drivers who kill people.

[Liesje]

Originally Posted by AliEnvy

In the last article you posted, someone said he's a good guy who made a bad decision. That gets said quite often about drunk drivers who kill people.

I guess that one doesn't quite work with me since I have zero tolerance for drunk driving.

[VintagePunk]

Originally Posted by AliEnvy

This may not be a great analogy but think about drunk driving and consequences and how it has changed over time. Through social stigma as much as legal consequences really, you know, as opposed to the potential that someone may die.

In the last article you posted, someone said he's a good guy who made a bad decision. That gets said quite often about drunk drivers who kill people.

I know what you're getting at, but your post made me think of this. Not to defend drunk driving in any way, but often they do get home unscathed, and no one else is harmed along the way.

On the other hand, assuming that the young man actually did put the video on the internet, and I've seen no reason not to assume that, his actions were done expressly to hurt and embarrass. Right from the beginning, there was no potential for a positive or neutral outcome, and what his friends are saying now smacks of excusing someone who did a reprehensible thing. He didn't mean to violate him? Bullshit. This story sickens me, and it's about time one of these extreme internet bullies were made an example of.

[MrsSpringsteen]

The drunk driving laws have caught up to the problem (still not enough) just like the texting and cell phone while driving laws are starting to. The laws about bullying and cyber bullying haven't. Look what happened to that 40+ year old woman woman who pretended to be a teenage boy and cyber bullied that young girl on MySpace, the girl then killed herself-the only law they could use gave her basically a slap on the wrist. She still has to live with the guilt of course, assuming she has any or some.

Until there are some laws passed with serious consequences this will continue. Of course even with laws there will still be problems-you can't outlaw sociopathy or psychopathy.

I think it's completely pathetic that a college student would so anything like this-I guess they can't leave HS behind. Some adults can't either, especially when they have the internet to hide behind.

[AliEnvy]

Originally Posted by Liesje

I guess that one doesn't quite work with me since I have zero tolerance for drunk driving.

I have zero tolerance for assholes so perhaps we're on the same page.

[BoMac]

Is This Webcam Spying Victim Tyler Clementi's Last Call for Help?

[MrsSpringsteen]

Nice comment. Yeah what's wrong with some good old fashioned lulz? No one cares, that's why there are no instances of beatings or killings of gay people just because they're gay. Toughen up guys. If you don't expect someone to commit suicide it's ok to do things like that. Screw human decency.

"If he really offed himself, that sucks.

That being said, I get doing stuff for the lulz - people need to toughen up. I don't see why the tag is "Cyberbullying", this kid was old enough to join the armed forces - and no one cares if people are gay anymore, especially at college.

Trying to blame people because someone ELSE went to an unnecessary extreme is morally vacuous. He didn't expect him to react like he did, and if he had known it, would likely not have done it.

We can't bubble wrap the world and stop living life just because some small fraction of the 6+ billion people on earth are going to make rash decisions. We have to keep evolving, and do the best we can, and try and get in a few laughs."

I agree with the comments about Gawker posting the picture and the info about the site he voluntarily participated on. I didn't even want to read the forum posts that might have been his, it just felt wrong considering

[Moonlit_Angel]

and no one cares if people are gay anymore

Wow, that's news to me. Certainly, homosexuality is becoming less and less of an issue, especially among younger generations, yes, and hooray for that, but unfortunately, there's still enough people out there yet who DO care. Like that pathetic excuse for an attorney general, for instance-it's really nice to know that Michigan's other problems have been taken care of, then, if he's able to devote his free time to picking on a college student. Moron. And then of course that mention of the 13 year old who committed suicide-13 years old. Seriously, what the fuck? How did we get to this type of insanity?

While I do agree that unfortunately, mean people are going to exist in this world and people sadly aren't always going to be able to shelter themselves from cruel words and such and will have to learn how to properly handle such situations, at the same time, that still doesn't excuse the horrific behavior of some people. If you say or do something cruel, expect that there will be consequences for your actions. There is absolutely no justifiable reason to treat people who've done nothing to you like dirt. There is absolutely no reason to make other people's lives miserable just for the hell of it. And of course there's the old "Well, they had a crappy life" argument, too, that gets used regarding bullies sometimes-yeah, my life ain't exactly coming up roses, either, but I don't go around hurting other people because of it. Grow up and act like a mature, intelligent, adult human being. It's not that hard to do.

Originally Posted by MrsSpringsteen

I think it detaches and dehumanizes, and brings out those types of qualities in people who would have them regardless-in a way it emboldens them.

I think you're fully correct about this. It's amazing the changes people can make to themselves online, they can freakin' create an entire alternate universe.

Ultimately, again, proper social behavior lessons start at home. But if the parents have failed in teaching those lessons and the kids go on to grow up and be bullies, what is the best way to solve the problem/punish them in order to get the message across that we don't stand for this crap?

Angela

[Canadiens1131]

Originally Posted by Irvine511

considering gay kids are 4x more likely to commit suicide than straight kids, and 9 out of 10 gay kids report being harassed, you don't think a modicum of sympathy is in order here?

homophobia continues to kill.

Those statistics are really depressing