Coldplay
“I like Coldplay. I’m not in a band full of Coldplay fans, there’s only me. I don’t speak about it with the other boys. I like Coldplay and U2, everyone in Oasis f---ing hates them. I think they’re a bit insecure Coldplay and U2 sell more records than we do. I love Violet Hill. I like them, I won’t f---ing deny it. I struggle a bit with Coldplay. You play someone a song and go ‘listen man it sounds like the Beatles, it’s f---ng great’ and then the next one sounds like Annie Lennox, so it’s like ‘OK, well that one’s a bit sh--’. I like Chris Martin. I think he’s a really great songwriter. He fascinates me, he’s f---ing proper posh. I haven’t met his wife. I somehow don’t think I’d be her cup of tea. I’d like to meet her, it’s Gwyneth Paltrow for f---’s sake, but I guess she wouldn’t like my profanities. I have a habit of swearing a lot.”
Kaiser Chiefs
“There’s been a feud between us and them, but in the case of the Kaiser Chiefs the little fat singer, he started it. It’s not important what he said, and it’s a shame one has to get involved in this kind of thing but you can’t let these fat idiots get away with it.”
Bloc Party
“They’re a bunch of middle class kids trying to rebel about against mum and dad. They sit on top of an apex of sh--.”
Keane
“I feel sorry for Keane. No matter how hard they try they’ll always be squares. Even if one of them started injecting heroin into onto his (Noel uses potentially offensive euphemism for the male member) people would go ‘Yeah but your dad was a vicar, good night’.
Gotta love Noel's consistency. But if interviewers keep asking him what he thinks of bands, what should he say?
"Oh, yeah they're a great young band, I think they've got real potential".
For every band, even when he doesn't mean it?