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The Night Before tufmas

Posted 12-22-2009 at 01:08 AM by Reggo


Gather 'round children. Adam Clayton would like to tell you A Story.


-----

'Twas the night before tufmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even Hatmouse;

The beer cans were strewn 'cross the parlour with flair,
A sign that tuf bono kept passing out there;

Bobert Schmidt was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of hearse races danced in his head;

And tuf edge with his guitar and I, with my bong,
Had just settled down to write some respectable songs,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But ten pizza boxes, and eight cases of beer,

With a little man staggering, so obviously blotto,
I knew in a moment it must be tuf bono.

More rapid than eagles his respecters they came,
And he burped, and he shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Axver! now, Ashley! now, Travis and Bonnie!
On, Reggo, on, Ingrid! on, Charlot and Danny!

Go get me more pizza! and more Heineken too!
Now dash away! dash away! or else I'll eat you!"

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney tuf bono came with a bound.

He was dressed all in leather, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all stained with beer, pizza, and soot;

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

I wish I could mean it when I say all that,
But he really was just a fat schmuck in a hat.

He slurred as he told me that Springtime has come,
‘A MESSIDGE’ he said ‘for PRESSYDENTUH RONALD RAYGUN’;

He ate some poutine pizza, and then ate some more
Soon pizza crust and beer cans covered the floor,

'tuf bono!' I shouted, 'just look at this mess!',
But he gave not a shit about my distress;

He drank more Heineken, in fact quite a lot,
The three hundred cases that tuf edge and I bought

But I heard him exclaim, ere he passed out that night,
"Respectful tufmas to all, and to all a good night!"
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  1. Old Comment
    Cin's Avatar
    It's official. I love this.
    permalink
    Posted 12-29-2009 at 08:36 AM by Cin Cin is offline
 

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