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Personal Stuff Part 2

Posted 07-26-2012 at 08:54 PM by BlueSilkenSky

Okay. So this is my bigger personal problem. I'm having trouble with my best friend. Let me start from the beginning.

I became friends with this girl (who I'll call "A") last year, after going through middle school without any friends. We became friends because she's a fun-loving, musical lunatic, and that just fit with my personality. I also thought she was a quiet introvert at first- ha, little did I know! Anyway, we grew really close as the year went on. It was only until this year that things started going bad.

First, I started getting annoyed with her preference for doing the same things over again whenever we hung out- taking pictures of ourselves (usually while jumping in the air), sleeping over, and later, writing stories. I wanted to do more activites, and she saw these as being universal- she invited anyone to do the same things with her. In my mind, these things were our activities, and no one else was allowed to do it with her. That's the first example of me being selfish in our relationship. Next, A started coming around to the band room every morning after marching band practice to hang out with me. Now, I'm not my best in the mornings, and I really didn't want to see her then, but I couldn't say no to her, because it hurts her feelings when I say I don't want to hang out with her. So I forced myself to put up with her antics (running through the halls while yelling "BEEE!" would be one of them) out of politeness.

Later in the year, we started seeing less of each other, because we didn't have any classes together. We hung out once, maybe twice outside of school this year. A kept making plans for us to hang out again, only to have those plans fall through. (For example, she wanted us to hang out at the Science Museum with her large group of nerdy guy friends, but I was uncomfortable with hanging out with them for one, and for another, the Science Museum closed earlier than we'd have liked.) I kept wanting to hang out with her, but nothing ever really happened. Meanwhile, A was doing more and more activities (about a thousand things for orchestra, inside and out, and Quiz Bowl), and she had less time for me. She was also becoming interested in things I'm not interested in, and never will be- think big science things that are hard to comprehend. She became the epitome of a nerd. Which isn't a bad thing, but I'm completely out of my depth when I'm talking to her. She behaves condescendingly without knowing it by speaking her opinions (she won't listen to any music with swearing in it, for example, and hates all swearing, even "damn"... she also will not watch horror movies or "inappropriate" movies involving sex or bad language, and for a single opinion, she once said that anyone who's really good at an instrument should become a professional musician, regardless of what else they want to do). A is very serious nowadays, contrasting how I remember her- a fun-loving lunatic. Now she's a violin playing, science loving adult, who knows exactly what she wants to do in her life. In short, A has become too mature for me. I haven't figured much out yet. I want to wait and see where I am during junior year (this year). I want to stay a child somewhere, while she's already moved on. (I'll admit, wanting to remain innocent is a weakness of mine.)

Now, there's one pet peeve of mine involving A- her posts on Facebook. Not her general statuses, but her comments on my posts. If I make a typo, she'll always just write the incorrect word to alert me that it was wrong, which drives me crazy. It makes me feel inferior somehow. She also commented on a photo that I took of myself in the mirror, something along the lines of "For a moment I thought you were wearing a bikini, and hoped you hadn't become like everyone else who post photos of themselves in their bikinis taken in a bathroom mirror." Now, did I really need to hear that opinion of hers, especially since the photo obviously wasn't a bikini pic? Also, another example would be when I posted a photo of my learner's permit (blurry so that no one could access my personal info) and she said "Yet another person on Facebook posting a photo of their learner's permit, eithe not knowing or not caring that their friends could access their personal information. Well, if they wanted to read through the blurry writing." That bothered me, because it was obvious from what she said that she looks down on those people, and that probably meant she looked down on me for posting that photo. Lastly, A's status one day said that she made it into the next level of her orchestra, so I aaked her who taught the class. She said, "It is not a class. It is an orchestral experience provided by the symphony." She didn't even answer my question, only corrected my mistake. (And to be fair, who would ask "Which orchestral experience provided by the symphony are you in?")

Our relationship breakdown has been the result of two things- poor communication and caring too much what others think. A has cancelled plans to hang out twice in the past, the first time because she was too nervous about an audition for the symphony and didn't want to bother me with her attitude. That was a very mature way to turn it down, I thought... but her next cancellation was not mature in my eyes at all. I had invited her to my birthday party, and she hadn't contacted me again until the day of, when she called me and asked what we were doing. When I mentioned we were seeing a movie, she looked up the movie online and said she wouldn't watch it, it apparently had sexual situations and it was a horror film. (The movie was Dark Shadows, which was a complete waste of my life, but I digress...) I said she could go home early if she wanted to, and after a while A put her mom on the phone to talk to my mom. I don't know what they discussed, but my mom hung up saying that A was uneasy about being around people who weren't me and therefore she might only come for dinner. Now, that might have been okay, but later when we were downtown, our party starting, A texted me saying she would not be able to come at all, giving no reason why. I can only assume it was because she didn't want to come. She asked me when I was leaving for vacation, because she wanted to hang out with me before or after, but when I texted back she never replied further about hanging out. I posted on her Facebook wall recently saying that we needed to hang out, and she liked the post but didn't comment on it. Furthermore, I invited her to come on vacation with me, waited a few days, and then texted her again asking if she had receieved my last message. I never got a reply to either of those texts.

About caring too much what others think- I know everyone at school thinks A is insane, which she is, but in a good way, and they think it in a bad way. I've seen people making fun of her behind her back. Also, my sisters don't like her very much, thinking that she's picky and spoiled... which again, she kind of is. And I can't take her ignoring me anymore. She does have about a thousand friends, so I can understand why she might not be thinking about hanging out with me at the moment, but... it's very selfish of me, but I honestly want A all to myself. I want the good old days back, when we barely knew anyone at school except ourselves. I think if we met now, we'd probably get into an argument, or she would alienate me to the point of hatred. I don't know. This is a very complicated situation for me, and if anyone actually read this... I don't know whether to thank you or feel sorry for you.
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