I just received a phone call from my friend Julie, last night she flew back from Moscow. Now she is on a train to Portland from Seattle and wondering if I would be at the show. I told her I had no ticket but neither does she. *lol* I told her I have a free roundtrip on SWA but no money for a hotel. She said no problem i could stay with her and a friend. I still don't have any spending money for a taxi, GA ticket if they drop a few, food, drink But the wheels are spinning in my head trying...

At 11:00 am this morning six months worth of effort fell softly to the cold tiled floor.
I am back.

Well, it finally happened. I realized that it's not that anyone has not "liked" me in a romantic sense in the past few years it's just that I haven't let them.
If I can't let that happen, how the hell I'm i ever going to let someone LOVE me? When I love its with my whole being, intense but not foolishly. I want to trust I don't want to believe you have an agenda. I want to feel safe. How do I stop putting up walls to shield me from what could be a tender touch.

I'm so hating life this morning.





Update: After my dentist drilled into my tooth a bit she realized
that it had looked worse on the X-ray and all I would need was a filling instead.

Just when you think someone has forgotten all about you they take the time to write. Well, I won't be getting back my BONO=SEXY sign since R is no longer living in Oregon. So he nor I will be in Portland for the closer. He is in New Zealand and will be there for quite some time. I think he just might end up moving there for good. R also scored GA tickets for Auckland