raison d'?tre

[The Wanderer]

there it was
as Jesus' body cooled
to a romantic claim on death

so it was
an infant star in an infant's sky
solar blooms, cities and dust

and so it goes
in a nod and a wink
war and famine,
thirst to drink

the oceans' afterbirth,
shrivel to a mere silver fish

and what to make
of all this... talk, and tongues...
of Towers, and ivory, trade
don't menschen it

Nietzsche is the blonde
drunk in my bed
glowing and angelic
I am near death

 

[Basstrap]

awesome poem!!
really really good

incidentily, I wrote a song by the SAME title a couple months ago!! what are the chances?
Of course, mine is no where near as gripping as it is about a girl.

I am a walking cliche

 

[foray]

This just blows me away.

foray

 

[ghetofabu]

This is really good. I did not understand where it was going at first but once I did and re-read it I really liked it.

 

[Blue_Angel]

I don't want to say anything to pull it apart, but this just makes me sad.. which is I guess what it is supposed to do! beautifully written......again.

 

[The Wanderer]

no please! by all means, say whatever comes to mind, I want whatever you can give as far as comments go, this is something I'm actually extremely pleased with, but I certainly don't mind hearing criticism and/or different perspectives because I have no idea how people will respond to what I write, I was so pleased with it actually, that I showed it to someone after I had written (which I seldom do), and I think they thought I was out of my fucking mind, which was disappointing and yet gratifying in a twisted sort of way

 

[Blue_Angel]

well it is just one person's opinion. I've had teachers who love my writing and tell me I am really talented and others who said my style was horrible and ignored the fact that I tried to get something published in a school lit mag

I think this is amazing, but I am a fan of your poetry. i also know im not the only one! If you're proud of it, just shake off those non-believers because they're always there no matter what.

 

[foray]

there it was
as Jesus' body cooled
to a romantic claim on death

so it was
an infant star in an infant's sky
child's dream dying? or the philosophical idea about our universe being so arbitrary that it seems as if a child designed it

and so it goes
in a nod and a wink
war and famine,
thirst to drink
the arbitrary universe again

the oceans' afterbirth,
shrivel to a mere silver fish
cool line! the story of creation is reduced to a holy book that gets eaten by library bugs.

and what to make
of all this... talk, and tongues...
of Towers, and ivory, trade
of ivory towers and 'talk'ing in an ivory voice

don't menschen it
who's menschen

Nietzsche is the blonde
drunk in my bed
glowing and angelic
Interesting how the figure of dead Jesus morphs into the drunk philosopher who proclaimed God's death. Puts a twist on Jesus' "romantic claim on death".

I am near death
Death, a solution to a Godless, meaningless world? Or death as in a sexual act; taking advantage of a "blonde" who is more than accessible at this moment?--in other words, in times of uncertainty & suffering, it is easier to believe that God is dead?

Sorry I'm a bit late.

foray

 

[The Wanderer]

menschen = "people" in German, it's pronounced as the english pronouce "mention"

forayous, your comments are better late than never!