not sure how to deal....

[shaynar]

I was browsing facebook (a silly website where people have profiles and let others know what they are up to etc etc) and saw that a girl from my highschool is engaged. And another. And another. Then most of the others are in relationships. I then realize that all of my good friends are settled with a significant other.

A few years ago it was totally opposite. Few of my friends were in relationships, though I always was. Now I'm not.

This is by choice. I haven't found anyone in a while who I would want to commit to, plus things in my life (school, work, travel) have put me in a position that I can't start a relationship anyhow.

I'm not jealous of these people. In fact, I'm very happy for all of them, but for some reason I am really saddened by all of this. Everyone seems to be 'growing up' and moving on, and I'm not. I don't know who to talk to about this, because I can't go to my friends.. so I'm posting instead. I'm certainly not complaining about being single, I love it and choose it, but I'm just weirded out and I don't know how to figure it out.....

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

In my experience and opinion it's a complete waste of life and time to compare your life to anyone else's. You have to just live by what's comfortable for you. Doing anything other than that leads to unhappiness and stress, and bad choices. Who knows how happy your friends even are in their relationships. Being engaged or even in a relationship is not a sign of growing up-in fact it can be the complete opposite.

 

[Ellay]

One girl in my class won the national lottery.

On the other hand, a guy in my class committed suicide recently.

Life takes everyone in different directions.

 

[Ellay]

PS - Im not saying, go and commit suicide LOL

 

[Bonochick]

I was the first of my friends to get engaged. I was engaged before two of my friends even had their first boyfriend. Now, both of them are married...and I'm just living with my boyfriend (not the guy I was engaged to). My best friend has already been married...and divorced! It's funny how things change. But no two lives are the same. We take different directions...end up different places. That's what makes things so interesting.

I understand how you feel though. Sometimes, I wonder what happened and why they all seem so ahead of me. But then I realized that it really doesn't matter...because I'm happy with my life, and I don't need to gauge my place in life based on where other people are with theirs.

 

[Liesje]

I've been on both sides. I didn't go on a single date in HS - didn't have time and didn't like any of the guys. My group of friends was (and still is) completely immune to any pressure to pair off and settle down. I went into college with an open mind. I wasn't resisting relationships altogether, but I certainly was not looking. During college I found someone to settle down with. I can't see it any other way (not being with him), so why not? There's a lot of pressure in my community to marry right away (mostly from the uber-religious, "family"-types), but I can honestly say it's made no difference to me. If I'd never met Phil and wasn't currently engaged, I'm sure I'd be OK. I can't say anything in me "changed" - I'm not a sappy, romantic person who suddenyl decided to glorify marriage and childbearing - I just found someone I can spend the rest of my life with without having to makeover who I am.

 

[BoMac]

I was in relationships before and, while I discussed marriage with one of them, I never really believed in the institution.

Then almost 2 years ago I fell in love at first sight with a woman and I was actually, for the first time , able to picture myself with her, kids and all.

We went together a while, fell hard for each other, broke up and then a few months later got back together(at my insistence). Now we're broken up again and I haven't spoken to her in a while but I still think about her.

The point of all this? She knows I would love to work things out with her(for one final time). Two months ago she told me the only reason I feel this way is because I'm almost 30 and afraid of being left alone.

So that got me thinking: is that true? In my culture(I'm Italian) many people feel the pressure to get hitched as young as possible. But I'm comfortable being single and don't mind staying alone for a while.

I'll stay this way until I find someone that's truly worth it. This is why there are so many divorces today: people get married for the wrong reasons, chief among them is the fear of being alone.

Be true to yourself, shaynar, and wait for someone that is worth it.

 

[starsgoblue]

I can sympathize. I was actually just telling my mother the other day how I feel "let behind" compared to my other friends. My best friend since forever has a one year old child and is getting married in two months and everyone else I grew up with seems to have already done that or are planning to. I was lamenting how I'm nowhere near that point in my life because I am going back to school to get my degree and there is still things I feel I need to exeperience before all that. Well, my mother pointed out that I may doing what all my friends wish they could have done. That maybe the reason the only thing my best friend has to talk about when we talk is the wedding and baby because with all that responsibility that may be all she has and maybe she may envy my freedom. It makes sense, but that doesnt mean sometimes I question myself, but everyone is so different you can't compare your life to others, especially since you never know the full story.

 

[bonoishot]

I agree with everyone else Shaynar. Some friends from my high school have had children, some have been engaged (none of them are married at this point though) or graduated from University in Summer 2005. I have done none of this. I was the first of my friends to kiss a boy but they all overtook me They got into serious relationships while we were at the end of high school ( age 16) or while completing our A Levels 17-18 and i'm just beginning my first serious relationship age 22. One of my friends from school has a 2 year old girl, but although i sometimes think. wow i'm so far behind them, i just see things as one day, when i'm ready and the time is right i will have that but right now i have the freedmn to do what i want and travel where i want ( money permitting ) so just try to have the best time you can. Your time will come.

 

[Carek1230]

I know how you feel. Seems things in life are all somehoe cyclical. Groups of people all engaged at the same time, then you go through a run of weddings.....then lots of people having babies or a bunch of divorces. Always remeber the grass is always greener too. I just do what I want to do with my life and don't get embroiled in what the "norm" seems to be or what the majority of others are doing friends or otherwise. As long as I am happy and settled that is all that matters to me. I actually love my life and being single yet when I want to go out on a date I have a couple of guy friends I can call up and we'll go out or hang out so I like to think of having the best of both worlds realls. I'm lucky.

 

[phillyfan26]

I've never had a girlfriend ...

 

[Canadiens1131]

I was browsing facebook (a silly website where people have profiles and let others know what they are up to etc etc) and saw that a girl from my highschool is engaged. And another. And another. Then most of the others are in relationships. I then realize that all of my good friends are settled with a significant other.

A few years ago it was totally opposite. Few of my friends were in relationships, though I always was. Now I'm not.

This is by choice. I haven't found anyone in a while who I would want to commit to, plus things in my life (school, work, travel) have put me in a position that I can't start a relationship anyhow.

I'm not jealous of these people. In fact, I'm very happy for all of them, but for some reason I am really saddened by all of this. Everyone seems to be 'growing up' and moving on, and I'm not. I don't know who to talk to about this, because I can't go to my friends.. so I'm posting instead. I'm certainly not complaining about being single, I love it and choose it, but I'm just weirded out and I don't know how to figure it out.....

Don't worry, rest assured in the knowledge that half of them will divorce, and some of them are making a mistake

 

[yeter]

I'm not jealous of these people. In fact, I'm very happy for all of them, but for some reason I am really saddened by all of this. Everyone seems to be 'growing up' and moving on, and I'm not. I don't know who to talk to about this, because I can't go to my friends.. so I'm posting instead. I'm certainly not complaining about being single, I love it and choose it, but I'm just weirded out and I don't know how to figure it out.....

It sounds like you are going through a transition and from my experience transition times are just weird. you are neither here nor there. but, i think these times are the times we grow the most because we are reflecting on things. this might prepare you for the next stage in your life whatever that may be. but what do I know????

 

[AtomicBono]

I've never had a girlfriend ...

I'm sorry I don't remember your exact age but...aren't you in your teens, like 16 or something? i'm 18 and I've never had a boyfriend (well not a real one, elementary/junior high does not count)...that must sound pathetic, idk... but my point is don't sweat it. if you're still in high school (sorry if I have you pegged completely wrong), most of the girls probably aren't worth bothering with, unless you find someone truly special

shaynar - I agree with what others have said. just because people are getting married doesn't mean they're "growing up." Really, it can't be helped if you haven't found the right person for you. It sounds like you've got a lot of other things going on in your life and that's perfectly fine. Not having time for a relationship does not mean you're less grown up than your friends.

 

[Bono's shades]

Just because someone is planning to get married doesn't mean they are going to live happily ever after. And just because you aren't married, engaged or in a relationship doesn't mean you haven't grown up. In fact, I think being able to be happy on your own is a sign of maturity.

 

[Mr. BAW]

I'm certainly not complaining about being single, I love it and choose it....

Appreciate being single and loving it RIGHT NOW ... later, being in love and then sharing it with someone else is quite special; you'll get yours...

 

[shaynar]

Thanks everyone! This advice is awesome. I know I shouldn't let things bug me...


I'm sure it'll happen sometime... and until then

 

[starsgoblue]

Keep in mind your signature bears witness to something that turns me green with envy just looking at it and give me fleeting moments of unfullfilled inadequacies.. The grass will ALWAYS look greener in other pastures, my dear.

 

[girlhappy]

Re: Re: not sure how to deal....

Appreciate being single and loving it RIGHT NOW ... later, being in love and then sharing it with someone else is quite special; you'll get yours...

Yea, its just..after 15 years of NO one gave me anything you slightly stop enjoying being single. I am sorry, life is very hard when you are on your own all the time. And who says that everyone s life is changing? I really believe that there are people who never find another half. And i am not ugly, stupid or anything. Ijust didnt find anyone,and i am in early 30s.
I dont think i ever will.

 

[JanuaryStar]

I always believe that love will come onto someone's path when the time is right... Not to sound corny or anything, but that's just what I believe, don't force love, let it come to you... There is nothing wrong with seeking out a little bit if you want/need it, don't get me wrong