Honor Thy Mother and Father?
 

Do you really have to do this? I mean, what if it is close to impossible to honor my father? Is there some sort of contingencty added in?

Only "as it is right with God." If they are abusing you or your siblings, something needs to be done about it.

I agree totally.

Obviously I don't know your story, Lilly, but sometimes the best way to honor someone, I think, is by holding them accountable. It honors nobody, least of all God, to pretend that hurting others is no big deal.

I think mebythesea summed up what I was gonna say. And Lilly, if you need an outlet...you know my number, girl. Actually I have a little somethin special for you, so we need to hook up soon. http://forum.interference.com/u2feedback/smile.gif

Sadly, I know how it feels Lilly. I've got quite a few years on you, and I can't lie and say it gets any easier.

But it's only w/ God's help that I can somehow get through it. He knows what's in my heart, and I hope that's all that counts.

That is a good thought...I try so hard to block it. To pretend that there's nothing wrong with my family. But then my friends talk about their families and I realize that the way my family is is not right. Even though girls my age don't really get along with their dads, they still talk to them. Which is something else I regret giving up on. It's just that everytime I talk to him it ends up with an insult directed toward me. What 46 year old man takes to insulting his 17 year old daughter? Especially when he's the one who has done all of the destruction?! (watch out, Lilly's on a rant here) He broke the rules! He is the one that should suffer, but no, it's me! I'm the one who is conflicted, I'm the one who gets insulted, I'm the one who gets kicked out! Where is God on that? My dad broke a HUGE rule! He had an affair! That's not only legally wrong, but I'm sure God's got a bone to pick too! Why doesn't He do something! Or at least something sooner? I'm sick of this all. I know it's God's job to judge...I just want some affirmation from Him that it's ok that I don't honor my own father anymore.

~end rant~ I'm sorry about that guys. Truly, I am.

((((Lilly))))

Lilly-you sure seem like a very bright, sensitive girl. And in my experience, many peoples' families are not what they portray them to be, not to minimize what you are saying in ANY way.

My father insulted me constantly when I was your age-in fact, he still does. It leaves such painful emotional scars, as you know. It's the ultimate betrayal to have someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally treat you this way. As a result, it's also so tough to trust and open up to people.As difficult as it is to do, you have to try to remember that there is nothing wrong with YOU-the problems are HIS.

I am really no good at giving advice about this, because I have yet to resolve it myself. Just wanted to share my experience w/ you, because sometimes you can feel all alone in this. Don't be 'sorry' for 'ranting'-it's healthy to do it.

Sometimes when a man betrays his family and himself, the guilt and shame he feels is manifested in lashing out at others and hurting them. You DO NOT have to take it, but it may not be meant personally. It may be his own anger and disgust with himself that's making him act so horribly to you.

This is NOT an excuse for him to treat you in such a manner, but it may make you feel better about yourself if you can try to think it's not you personally. You know you are a good person and undeserving of the treatment you're receiving. Focus on your own goals and the positive things you can do. It's not a bad thing to have nothing to do with someone who is bent on hurting you.

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You have fairly generic bunions. --my podiatrist, 4-11-02

Sweetie, all I can add to this is what got me through some hard years...both of my parents lived for themselves without ever giving a thought to what it was doing to my sister and I. They both had affairs, did drugs, sent us away to live with relatives so they could be with their boyfriends/girlfriends without kids butting in, you name it.

When I was old enough to leave my house, I did so and pretty much cut off all contact with them. It was hard but I came to realize that my sanity was more important than keeping up appearances and doing "what families are supposed to do."

I cut off all but the most basic contact until I was old enough and mature enough to have a relationship with them on MY terms, not theirs.

I love my mom dearly but we only talk on holidays and that works for me. You know that I had just started a relationship with my dad before he passed away but I don't regret the years we didn't speak because he was a different person back then and to be honest, I didn't like him.

So my advice to you is leave when you are old enough and have a relationship (or don't) on YOUR terms. Don't listen to people who tell you that you must have a relationship with him because he's your father.

I know how it feels to not to respect a parent when we have been taught that we should, no matter what but I don't believe that God wants you to sacrifice your santity and self-respect to do so.

Stay strong and I'm always here if you need to talk.