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maycocksean 02-14-2007 09:58 PM

Is a woman more likely go out with a man that won't have sex?
 
than vice versa?

I know some women who say they HAVE to have sex before marriage because most guys won't go out with them, (or continue going out with them) if they won't sleep with them at some point in the future (outside of marriage that is). It's one of the reasons they feel "waiting for marriage" is no longer practical in todays world. Is the reverse true as well? Do you think in general a guy that wants to remain a virgin until marriage will encounter the same difficulties?

I'm having a discussion in my Bible class. I'd be curious to know what you think, and I'll share the responses with my students.

financeguy 02-14-2007 10:05 PM

Biologically, it's pretty unlikely.

Angela Harlem 02-14-2007 10:08 PM

I don't think there is an answer to this. We'd probably like to think there is, so we can justify or explain away a preconceived stereotype or theory, but practically speaking it is impossible to answer, as well as a little irresponsible.

Liesje 02-14-2007 10:22 PM

Well, I hope this isn't TMI, but the whole topic is kinda TMI....

I wanted to wait until marriage, not even so much for religious reasons, but I wanted to enjoy my time as a college student and not have to worry about getting pregnant or so emotionally attached to someone and not have it work out. I'm glad I made that decision. Sex is not the be-all and end-all of a relationship. Actual intercourse is only one of many, many, many ways people can be intimate and enjoy a physical relationship.

I can't relate to what you're saying at all, not that I can't see it happening or think it's wrong. I guess I don't understand why anyone would even want to get involved in a committed relationship with anyone who did not share the same views about sex and physical intimacy. Two people OK with having sex before marriage makes sense. Two people personally committed to waiting makes sense. One person personally committed to waiting and another that needs to "try it before you buy it" does not make sense.

IMO, the main reasons people don't wait until marriage are because we know so much more about sex and having protected sex, and we are in relationships where it's not uncommon to be together for like 2-10 years before marriage. And, the reasons we get married are changing. We no longer get married simply for tradition or economic security. We have more ownership and independence in our lives, but still value sexual intimacy as an important part of a relationship.

maycocksean 02-14-2007 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Angela Harlem
I don't think there is an answer to this. We'd probably like to think there is, so we can justify or explain away a preconceived stereotype or theory, but practically speaking it is impossible to answer, as well as a little irresponsible.
You are probably right. Obviously no one person can speak for all women or men, and I don't suppose I'm asking for indisputable facts. Just kind of your impression based on the people you know. I don't know that THAT question is so impossible (or irresponsible) to answer.

What I do know is that at least some of the women I know have felt that they must have sex in order to have any kind of meaningful relationship these days. I don't know of any men who felt that way.

maycocksean 02-14-2007 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Liesje
Well, I hope this isn't TMI, but the whole topic is kinda TMI.....
Well, I wasn't necessarily looking for any personal revelations though if anyone wanted to share their personal experience, as you did, that's fine with me. I just wanted to get a general sense. Don't worry this won't be presented as Hard Facts. (I'll actually just call the kids over to the computer and we'll read some of the responses.)


Quote:

Originally posted by Liesje
I can't relate to what you're saying at all, not that I can't see it happening or think it's wrong. I guess I don't understand why anyone would even want to get involved in a committed relationship with anyone who did not share the same views about sex and physical intimacy. Two people OK with having sex before marriage makes sense. Two people personally committed to waiting makes sense. One person personally committed to waiting and another that needs to "try it before you buy it" does not make sense.
While it may not "make sense", it does happen. At least to some of the women in my life (my sister and cousin come to mind)and it's pretty hard for them--(or would be had they not decided, oh well, I gotta do what I gotta do). Obviously if you chose to associate only with people who share your religious or moral beliefs about the subject it shouldn't be a problem, but not everyone has that "luxury" or makes that choice.

Quote:

Originally posted by Liesje
IMO, the main reasons people don't wait until marriage are because we know so much more about sex and having protected sex, and we are in relationships where it's not uncommon to be together for like 2-10 years before marriage. And, the reasons we get married are changing. We no longer get married simply for tradition or economic security. We have more ownership and independence in our lives, but still value sexual intimacy as an important part of a relationship.
This part of your post should make for some good discussion this class period. :)

Liesje 02-14-2007 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by maycocksean

While it may not "make sense", it does happen. At least to some of the women in my life (my sister and cousin come to mind)and it's pretty hard for them--(or would be had they not decided, oh well, I gotta do what I gotta do). Obviously if you chose to associate only with people who share your religious or moral beliefs about the subject it shouldn't be a problem, but not everyone has that "luxury" or makes that choice.

I wasn't meaning in terms of morals or religion, just what we decide for ourselves and our bodies. I don't chose my friends based exclusively on religion or morals, that's not really what I meant. I choose to associate with pretty much anybody, but I choose to have sex with only those who are willing to respect the boundaries I've already set for myself before I even knew them.

redhotswami 02-15-2007 12:22 AM

Re: Is a woman more likely go out with a man that won't have sex?
 
Quote:

Originally posted by maycocksean
[B] Do you think in general a guy that wants to remain a virgin until marriage will encounter the same difficulties?/B]
No. He's definitely got a whole lake of fish seeking him.

intedomine 02-15-2007 12:30 AM

Re: Is a woman more likely go out with a man that won't have sex?
 
Quote:

Originally posted by maycocksean
than vice versa?

I know some women who say they HAVE to have sex before marriage because most guys won't go out with them, (or continue going out with them) if they won't sleep with them at some point in the future (outside of marriage that is). It's one of the reasons they feel "waiting for marriage" is no longer practical in todays world. Is the reverse true as well? Do you think in general a guy that wants to remain a virgin until marriage will encounter the same difficulties?

I'm having a discussion in my Bible class. I'd be curious to know what you think, and I'll share the responses with my students.

Yeah I think it is more likely. No real reason, it just seems more likely. Of the people I have met who are abstaining til after their wedding or whatever, most of them tend to be women, but that, I suppose is not necessarily the be all and end all.....

Tough question....

intedomine 02-15-2007 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Liesje


IMO, the main reasons people don't wait until marriage are because we know so much more about sex and having protected sex, and we are in relationships where it's not uncommon to be together for like 2-10 years before marriage.

...and because sex is an enjoyable activity...

BonosSaint 02-15-2007 12:32 AM

I might adore him as a friend, but I wouldn't consider him much beyond that even though I respected the choice he made.

But I'm older now. As a young woman, I might have thought differently. It was a different time though. So I am utterly of no help, lol.

lady luck 02-15-2007 06:56 AM

Re: Is a woman more likely go out with a man that won't have sex?
 
Quote:

Originally posted by maycocksean
than vice versa?

I know some women who say they HAVE to have sex before marriage because most guys won't go out with them, (or continue going out with them) if they won't sleep with them at some point in the future (outside of marriage that is). It's one of the reasons they feel "waiting for marriage" is no longer practical in todays world. Is the reverse true as well? Do you think in general a guy that wants to remain a virgin until marriage will encounter the same difficulties?

I'm having a discussion in my Bible class. I'd be curious to know what you think, and I'll share the responses with my students.

the girl or the guy won't find great difficulties if he/she finds someonee who loves him/her for what he/she is and not just to have a partner...

MrsSpringsteen 02-15-2007 08:56 AM

I think in general it is more difficult for a man to remain a virgin if that's what he wants to do than it is for a woman, from the standpoint of what "society" as a whole thinks and how he will be judged by others. Some people just assume and believe that there is something "wrong" with a man who makes that decision-a woman too but even more so for a man. There was a basketball player AC Green (I think it was him) who publicly stated that he wanted to remain a virgin and I believe he even went around speaking about the whole issue to kids. It was rather revolutionary for an athlete, and he just had so much class and dignity about the whole thing.

I think if you are deeply in love with someone that you could work it out for a long term relationship. It probably would and could be difficult if you're not on the same page about it. But as a general statement I think perhaps if people put as much effort into all other aspects of the relationship as they do about sex, well it should be possible. Perhaps it takes more real intimacy to do that than the intimacy that is involved with sex. It certainly takes more effort.

I don't see why someone would have an issue with one or several casual dates with someone who made that choice, unless you're just "dating" for sex.

CTU2fan 02-15-2007 08:59 AM

Simply, yes.

Culturally, men are expected to be having sex, they're more respected by their peers if they're "getting some". Women, on the other hand, are reviled if they're having sex (they're branded whores, or sluts). As long as we have that double standard, women will be more likely to date abstinent men than vice versa.

That said, on an individual basis, I don't think it's true. If you have a woman who enjoys sex/wants to have sex, and a man who wants to wait, I don't think she's more likely to wait than a guy is. There just aren't as many situatins like that.

Liesje 02-15-2007 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CTU2fan
If you have a woman who enjoys sex/wants to have sex, and a man who wants to wait, I don't think she's more likely to wait than a guy is.
I agree. I don't think men are more likely not to wait just because they are men and women are more likely to wait because they are women. Society tells each gender different things and makes it seem that more women would wait and more men would not, but honestly of all the people I know I can't say that more women have waited. It's pretty much even because no matter what society says, it's really going to depend on the individual and/or the relationship. I know guys that have no qualms about waiting and I know women who do date for sex. It pretty much gets evened out in the end.


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