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Old 04-13-2006, 02:36 PM   #91
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PlaTheGreat

PlaTheNotSoBad

"You know I could've been PlaTheGreat, but I got there too late. When sign ups came they said, "Name?"
I said, "Pla."
They said, "We got a Pla."
I said, "Oh....um, how about PlaTheGreat?"
They said, "Nope, we got one."
I said, "Is he great? Better than me?"
They said, "Yeah, he's allright. Not so bad."
"But is he better than me?"
"I dunno, maybe. He's not so bad."
"But not Great? Not like me?"
"No, he's not like you."
"Good, then I shall take his name, see how he likes it. Call me, PlaTheNotSoBad."
"OK. Next."
"I will forever seek this ill named PlaTheGreat and when I find him -"
"NEXT"
"When I find him I will feast upon his - "
"NEXT"
"upon his soul...and then....you know....stuff."
"Great, NEXT."

I'm coming for you oh misnamed PlaTheGreat. Yes I am."
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Old 04-13-2006, 02:51 PM   #92
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Mrs. Springsteen

The Road

It's often said that a rock musician is married to the road. And for some, it's more than true than others.

"She's a goddamn whore."

Meet Mrs. Springsteen, wife of rock legend Bruce Springsteen. "She's a filthy little two bit tramp. Typical South Jersey trash. You'd think she'd know to stay away from a married man. Slut."

The Boss has been on The Road for a better part of three decades. "He sees her more than he sees me, and his children. Another peice of Jersey trash. I should've known better. My mother told me don't marry no poets or Irish. So what do I do? I marry a poet. Listen to your mother."

Married in 1981, Mr. and Mrs. Springsteen spent the first few years in wedded bliss. Touring together, seeing the world. All things that most young lover only dream of. Then, it turned sour.

"I saw him less and less. I mean, he called, but I kept readin that he was 'On the road', 'married to the road'. I guess I got a little bitter, but can you blame me?....he calls her 'Thunder.' Whore."

When asked for comment The Boss replied, "Married to the road? That's an expression. It's not another woman. One wife is enough. Ha."
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Old 04-13-2006, 02:53 PM   #93
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OK - sign me up!


People - we are in the midst of greatness.






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Old 04-13-2006, 03:04 PM   #94
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DayGloEyes

Order of the Sons of Italy

Due to a serious misunderstanding DayGloEyes became the target of the Italian american pride group Order of the Sons of Italy.

"She got a problem with our eyes? You kiddin' me? You tell that $%^& to shut the ^&*( up and come down here and say it my %^#$* face. %^&#$. Seriously, right? I know. C'mon." So began the 15 minute tirade of Rocco Vincenzzi, President of the South Bronx Chapter of the Order of the Sons of Italy.

"I mean, hey, I like U2 as much as the next paizan, but I gotta log in and see someone make fun of the eyes of my countrymen? Gettouttahere. Enough is enough. This discrimination has to end. Vafongul."

When this reporter tried to explain that is was DayGLOeyes, Mr Vincenzzi was unmoved. "That's no excuse. Heh? Tell that to my father. He stormed the beach of Italy. He fought Romel in Africa. He fought in his own countrymen in the country of his birth, God rest his soul. He was a saint. He loved this country. And now we got to listen to some pent up putana complain about his eyeballs? I'm ill. Agita. This whole thing gives me agita."
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Old 04-13-2006, 03:05 PM   #95
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okay, beav, i'm in
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Old 04-13-2006, 03:06 PM   #96
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Quote:
Originally posted by UberBeaver
DayGloEyes

Order of the Sons of Italy

Due to a serious misunderstanding DayGloEyes became the target of the Italian american pride group Order of the Sons of Italy.

"She got a problem with our eyes? You kiddin' me? You tell that $%^& to shut the ^&*( up and come down here and say it my %^#$* face. %^&#$. Seriously, right? I know. C'mon." So began the 15 minute tirade of Rocco Vincenzzi, President of the South Bronx Chapter of the Order of the Sons of Italy.

"I mean, hey, I like U2 as much as the next paizan, but I gotta log in and see someone make fun of the eyes of my countrymen? Gettouttahere. Enough is enough. This discrimination has to end. Vafongul."

When this reporter tried to explain that is was DayGLOeyes, Mr Vincenzzi was unmoved. "That's no excuse. Heh? Tell that to my father. He stormed the beach of Italy. He fought Romel in Africa. He fought in his own countrymen in the country of his birth, God rest his soul. He was a saint. He loved this country. And now we got to listen to some pent up putana complain about his eyeballs? I'm ill. Agita. This whole thing gives me agita."


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Old 04-13-2006, 03:17 PM   #97
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Chiso

Eric Estrada

In 2005 Vince McMahon decided that he wanted to bring some flair to the WWE. He wanted speed and skill to dovetail with the feats of sheer strength of the more popular WWE wrestlers. He looked to the Latin wrestling leagues and like what he saw.

Eric "Ponch" Estrada was brought in and soon thereafter he beat Kane in a steel cage ladder match. Estrada was such a hit that he was given a manager, Lolita Esperanza De Villa Casa, and a more prominent role on the weekly shows.

After a couple of months McMahon wanted to expand Estrada's role. His first tactic was to bring in Jon, Ponch's old partner on the Cali Highway Patrol, but when it seemed that Jon was horrendously out of shape, and wouldn't make a good foil, McMahon went back to the drawing board.

His scouts reported that a high flying fella named Chiso was lighting up the indy scene, and McMahon went to check him out in Hartford, CT. He signed him on the spot.

Chiso was originally given a small role, but Estrada felt threatened. He began to bad mouth Chiso, saying that the "Latino Verdad" was right "aqui, pendejo. Callate. You make me enfermo. Aye aye aye aye aye." Chiso, never one to back down, ran out and beat Estrada in front of 35k at the Staples Center in Atlanta (?).

Chiso has since gotten his own manager, Jon, and he meets up with Estrada for the Intercontinental Belt on May 1 in Salt City Utah. The world waits with bated breath.

----------------------

Chiso - OK, I have no idea why I think you're Latin, but I do, so, yeah. You get Eric Estrada.
LOL. this is supposed to be my arch nemesis, correct?

some morbidly obese dude in the WWE?

based on the fact that you think that I'm Latin (p.s. you're only one quarter correct--Cuban)?

I'm feeling a bit like a sub-standard, racially profiled superhero.

excuse my hyper sensitivity today.
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Old 04-13-2006, 03:20 PM   #98
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Doozer61

The Race of Fraggles

Working day in and day out to build elaborate glass based structures, Doozer is generally quiet and unobtrusive. But does that stop Gobo and Wembley from diggin in and eating her structures? Nope.

"One of these days I'm going to build with real glass," said Doozer, "Then I'm gonna laugh like a monkey when Moko starts bleeding. Bunch of free loading lazy sons of bitches those fraggles. I pray everyday that that stupid dog gets one of them. And Uncle Travelling Matt, don't get me started on him. He's a pothead you know."

Why do the Fraggles eat the work of the doozers? Says Fraggle representative Gobo, "Well it's supply and demand. Trickle down economics. So long as the Doozers give us food, we will eat it. And in return, we let them make us more food. That sounds fair, no? OK, let me give you a better example: When I was running the Bush 04 Re-election Committee in Fraggle Rock, I said quite simply to the Doozers, 'Look, we'll let you vote. Your voices should be heard. So long as you vote for Bush.' They wanted a union and all that, but c'mon, for what? We like their food just as it is. We said, 'Hey - go nuts. Make more food. We'll eat it, because we support you.' We're very open minded, us fraggles."

Doozer said she can't wait to see all those miserable goddamn Fraggles burn in hell, and she prays nightly that the Gorgs come and take them.
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Old 04-13-2006, 03:21 PM   #99
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Quote:
Originally posted by TripThruUreWires


LOL. this is supposed to be my arch nemesis, correct?

some morbidly obese dude and his opponent in the WWE?

based on the fact that you think that I'm Latin (p.s. you're only one quarter correct--Cuban)?

I'm feeling a bit like a sub-standard, racially profiled superhero.

excuse my hyper sensitivity today.
Are you Chiso? That was Chiso's archnemesis. Who's morbidly obese? I am so confused. Being sub-standard isn't so bad. Don't cry. Look at if this way: If someone wasn't sub standard, then the rest of us couldn't be standard, or above standard? See? We're all in this together.
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Old 04-13-2006, 03:30 PM   #100
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Are you Chiso?
I am a wanker.
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Old 04-13-2006, 03:49 PM   #101
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Doozer61

The Race of Fraggles
And Uncle Travelling Matt, don't get me started on him. He's a pothead you know."


Fraggle Rock
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Old 04-13-2006, 04:00 PM   #102
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inmyplace13

inyourplace7 the Rhyming Riddle Koala

"In my place may be the case, but only because it's not your space."
"Say what ,cheeky monkey?" said imp to the bear.
"I said it clear, did I not speak fair?"
"No, I hear all the words but the message: unclear. I'm inmyplace, it's just me, over here."
"Oh aye, I can see, it's just you and just me,
You in your place and me, so lonely."
"You speak in riddles, like a silly clown."
"I speak like a koala and I hang upside down."
"What do you want from me?"
"Nothing at all?"
"Then why bother me?"
'Because you signed up is all."
"Signed up for what?"
"An archnemesis."
"And what have I got?"
"A few blemishes?"
"You mock my now?"
"I mocked you then."
"So who's my archnemesis? A chicken, a hen?"
"A goofy koala, you see, it is me."
"I don't understand."
"Me either."
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Old 04-13-2006, 04:01 PM   #103
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Quote:
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PlaTheGreat

PlaTheNotSoBad




Quote:
I'm coming for you oh misnamed PlaTheGreat. Yes I am."
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Old 04-13-2006, 04:10 PM   #104
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Bono's Baby 12

Johnnie Cochraine

"Ya' Honor. Clearly what we have here is a case of entrapment, extortion if you will, per se. A young, poor, impressional girl gets pregnant. Hey, Happens everyday, some say, it's the American Way, ok? Who are we to judge? Well, cept for you, ya honor. he he. (laughter from the court room.) So here is this young girl, firghtened, confused, saying, "Hey - that fella over there, the one yelling into the microphone about war, he's the father. He got money. He can afford a baby." Was it her idea to say these terrible lies? Who knows. Maybe, maybe not. Don't really matter. Fact is, the baby that was named BonosBaby12 is not my client's baby. Nor is she twelve. Nor is she the twelth child of Mr. Bono. My CLIENT WAS FRAMED. THIS IS LUDICROUS! A travesty of the American justice systems, which is compunded by the irony that my client is Irish, therefore, he cannot be guilty. Thank you."
that was great thanks! Ironically my career is the law
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Old 04-13-2006, 04:46 PM   #105
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LanceMC

DJLance

"Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the HOTlanta MC Scratch off. In this corner, Master of Ceremonies, with two turn tables and a microphone, LANCEMC!

And in this corner, with a pint of brass monkey under the high rise, DJLance."

"And so begins the most anticipated Scratch Off the city of Atlanta has ever seen. LanceMC begins with a double "wicky" tail spin, follows that with a "chicka chicka ah ah combination." Wow. That's something right there. His back beat, War's "Whose Cadillac is That?" An incredible way to start the night.

"DJLance nods knowingly. He's got his work cut out for him tonight. He's got his backbeat flowing. Is that...? Yes it is, reaching back to the Old School, DJLance is scratching his first of the night to Grandmaster Flash's White Lines. It's clear. He means business. This is gonna raise the roof. And he's off, he pushes the needles to the limit, a triple "wicky" rolling right into a "chicka bam chicka bam WHITE LINES" combo. I cannot believe he unloaded guns that big this early. He certainly wants the crowd behind him early.

"LanceMC preps for round two. He points at DJLance, gives a thumbs up and a - NO, It Can't be, YES, He did, He gave a shout out. He starts off round two with a shout out to his opponent. Folks, you don't see this everyday. These two warriors have arrived, and it is HAWT in here? LanceMC drops the beat here, HOLY SHIT - excuse me, But WOW. He's going with the Bangles cover if the Simon and Garfunkle hit Hazy Shade of Winter. Can you dig it? I sure can.

"I am literally sweating, folks. Sweating. And he got the medical tape on his thumbs, this is gonne be bumping. Starts is slow with a 'chicka chicka ah ah' repetition. He's holding off, it seems. Working his way in. OH NO! He turned his cap around. LOOK OUT. Clear the room. He's going balls deep. OH YES! A quadrouple "wicky wicky" Yes, you heard right, a QUADRUPLE wicky wicky, that is EIGHT, EIGHT consecutive wickys, folk. I tell you this, I DO NOT envy DJLance right now. How can a man follow that?

"DJLance steps back, breathes deep. He switching the record. I had thought he was going with Beat It, but he's looking for something....what could it be. The suspense is killing me. OK, he's got the sleeve out, he's laying it on the turntable...here it goes. Whoa, didn't even wait for the beat to start, he went right to a "chicka chika uh uh" combo. He's starting up the other turntable. And off he goes. OH MY CHRIST IN HEAVEN! Our prayers have been answered. "It Takes Two" by Rob Bass. The crowd is off the motha f'ing hook, in here. It sure does take two, and we've got Hotlanta's two best right here, mano a mano. DJLance is working the beat, keeping it tight, he's going for the "wicky wicky" combo - 2, 4, 6, OH NO! OH NO! Good Lord in heaven, No....DJLance fell. Right off the high rise. He hit the ground like a ton of bricks. There is no coming back from that one. None at all.

"LanceMC laughs like a fool, hoists his Champions Cup in the air and gives a shot out to all the true players up in here. No question about who this years champion is. We'll see how it goes next year.

"Thank you for joining us here on the Ocho. From Hotlanta Georgia, this is Marv Albert, signing off."
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