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Old 08-27-2008, 12:22 AM   #511
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totally kicks ass,Man!
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Old 01-05-2010, 03:12 PM   #512
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Night and Day

The Day The Earth Stood Still Guy


N&D (is she still around?) looks up from her ledger to sneak a peek at the time. 3:23 it reads. "Goddamn, time is dragging today," she thinks. "Wasn't it 3:23 like, 20 minutes ago?" she says aloud. "Fuck." She looks at the time on the desk clock, and her watch (always 5 minutes fast), and the computer. All say roughly the same thing. She puts her head back into her work, but then quickly looks up. The second hand isn't moving on the wall clock. Nor on her watch. She doubles click the little clock on the bottom right of her computer screen - the seconds do not change. The colon on the desk clock - still.

"Oh you stupid little mother fucker. I am going to rip your fucking head off and eat your spine. HEY!"

She gets up from her desk, her co-workers try to remain inconspicuous lest they get noticed. She opens the door to the street, stares at the sun and bellows, "Get the fuck down here you fucking piece of alien shit. NOW!"

The sun dims for a moment as a shape takes form, slightly above the ground. Eventually the outline of a man is there, finally features appear, followed by details. "Hello, NightandDay. I have returned to get my veng - "

"You shut the fuck up and listen to me. You are not pulling this shit at 3:23 on a fucking Tuesday. Do you hear me? I am not spending the rest of my life waiting for an hour and 17 minutes that will never come to pass. I will - "

"Oh - it's much worse than that. It's an hour and 37 minutes that will never pass! MWAUAHHAHAHA!"

N&D's face grows rock solid. "One, do not fucking ever fucking interrupt me. Two, I said 17 minutes because I leave at 4:40. I come in 30 minutes early, never take more than an hour for lunch, so I feel it is within my rights to leave 20 minutes early. Three - I promised you last time you tried to pull this shit that if you EVER tried to fuck with me again I would punch a hole in your skull and fuck you in that hole with various office supplies. Ask any of my friends, I keep my promises. I'm coming at you like a goddamn frieght train, son. I'm off the mother fucking rails. Mental wounds? Yeah. Not healing. It's on." She pulls a Sharpie from her pocket and begins toward The Day The Earth Stood Still Guy, who quivers slightly. Fear crawls into his eyes. "It seems there has been a .... misundertanding. My apologies. I...ummm...."

"You got here about an hour and 17 minutes too early. Am I right?"

"Yes, yes of course. That must be it. I'm just early. Happens all the time when you stop time...heh. Ironic, rig -"

"Shut the fuck up. See you @ 4:41. Asshole."

And with a smile N&D went back to work. She walked out the office door @ 4:40 and never had to come back.

The End.
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Old 01-30-2010, 11:05 AM   #513
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I just found this.


Quote:
Originally Posted by UberBeaver View Post
(is she still around?)
Uh, banned.
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Old 01-30-2010, 12:59 PM   #514
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^ shame . . . she was fun
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Old 02-01-2010, 10:01 AM   #515
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VintagePunk View Post
I just found this.




Uh, banned.
I was really trying to capture her essence, you know? She's missed. I liked her.
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Old 02-04-2010, 01:28 PM   #516
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^ ditto
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Old 02-04-2010, 03:45 PM   #517
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I want an archnemesis. Damnit.
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Old 11-27-2012, 01:24 PM   #518
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The Arch-Nemesis Thread

Space Moon





Fuck.
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Old 11-28-2012, 12:35 PM   #519
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What about me please?
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Old 12-21-2012, 04:21 PM   #520
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LMP/Unico/Reg/Dalton

LemonMelon

LMP pushes some buttons, and turns some dials. Freakin hard in the corner, Unico calls out, "Don't touch my motha'f'ing radio station, son."
LMP points to a wad of duct tape, "Got it covered, literally, so that no one can touch it."
"Nice. Here's the breakdown, make sure I'm not disturbed."
As the music mellows and the beat grooves, LMP begins tapping a sensor. "Reg, are you Dalton transmitting something?"
"No. But we are setting up a scene. But no cameras or anything."
"Hm. This is strange something is scrambling my radar..."
Dalton gets off a pommel horse and puts on his pants,"No, not us." He walks towards the bridge. As he gets close to LMP, LMP jumps, "Get that thing...oh. OK, you're wearing pants this time. Anyway, what do you make of this?"
A static and a blip, more static, another blip. "Static and blips?"
"Yes, but why. We shouldn't be seeing that. Not now. Everything is clear."
"Probably Mia's 'Standing On The Verge Of Getting It On' album, no? She's got that shit pumped to 11."
"No, it's been on for awhile now. This just started."
"Could it be the breakdown?"
"Nah. Bootsie never did this to the instruments befo- WHAT THE FUCK!"
The MotherShip rocks back and forth. Both Mia and Reg call out apologies, but LMP is sure it was neither of them that caused it.
"We've stopped."
Dalton turns his head to the side. "You hear that?"
"Yeah...sounds like someone talking. But we're at 50,000 feet. WTF?"
Dalton goes to the escape hatch and calls, "Hello?"
"ropenthefingdorashole."
"Huh?"
"Sounded like someone said, 'Rope and the rimming asshole'," says Reg.
"You think everything sounds like that."
"Well...it should."
LMP open the hatch, reaches up and pulls in LemonMelon.
Dalton jumps back, "WTF? Who is that?"
"It's me, LemonMelon."
Dalton slowly turns to LemonMacPhisto, and assumes a karate stance. "I will end you, Kree mother fucker."
LMP is confused, "Huh? Why? What I do?"
"Clearly you're a clone. There cannot be two of you."
LemonMelon pulls himself upright, "What are you talking about. I'm LemonMelon, he's LemonMacPhisto, LMP. One of is a Little Bastard, but even I forget which one."
Reggie comes in, confused, "Hold up...LMP and LemonMelon are...different people?"
Unico stops groovin', "Say what? No way. Heh. That would actually explain some shit I always wondered about..."
LMP and LM exchange confused looks. Then shrug simultaneously, and head to the bridge. "Sorry, bro, forgot you were on the roof fixing the hyper drive. I was kinda in a rush, so I just took off."
"Yeah, no worries. I actually fell asleep up there. Just woke up, remembered I never finished fixing the hyperdrive, yada yada yada. Should be good now."
"Aite - let's get this bitch going again....anyone else up there?"
"I don't think so."
"Cool. Vamanos."
LMP hits the hyperdrive, the Mother Ship lurches forward and hits warp speed.
Reggie takes Dalton aside, "Dude...can you imagine what kind of films we could make is we could create clones of ourselves like those two?"
"Dude, I am 9 steps ahead. Check this."
Dalton takes a silly puddy like figure of himself.
"Sweet....is that silly puddy?"
".....uhhh....yes?"
"Sweet. We're gonna need like, hundreds of these."
"Oh, way more than that, Reggie. The Universe? It's ours."
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Old 12-21-2012, 09:35 PM   #521
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nice.
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Old 12-22-2012, 12:56 AM   #522
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Do me
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Old 12-22-2012, 04:20 AM   #523
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Shit, too late to change my vote now.
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