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Old 03-22-2008, 12:55 AM   #391
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I demand an arch-nemesis. And if it isn't a detailed ballad, I will be displeased more than ever before.
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Old 03-26-2008, 12:46 PM   #392
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I think Beav has gone into hiding
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Old 03-27-2008, 11:22 AM   #393
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Quote:
Originally posted by Aidan O'Leary
I demand an arch-nemesis. And if it isn't a detailed ballad, I will be displeased more than ever before.
Aidan O'Leary
Some washed up former Metal Singer that hates Kurt Cobain and everything post 1992, so he still writes songs with his acoustic guitar that start off slow, then rise to a METAL EXPLOSION then end soft. He hates Aidan O'Leary because he looks like a grunge fan. So he wrote this:

Acoustic only C-G-D:

Chorus:
When I think of you,
I grow so teary.
What's your problem, man?
Huh, Aidan o'Leary?

Forced to leave your home
Cause you couldn't grow a potato,
You came to America and asked,
"What the fuck is a tomato?"

Chorus:
When I think of you,
I grow so teary.
What's your problem, man?
Huh, Aidan o'Leary?

You look like Pulitzer
Though I thought it was James Joyce.
I'd tell you to STFU or GFY,
If I were given a choice.

Chorus:
When I think of you,
I grow so teary.
What's your problem, man?
Huh, Aidan o'Leary?

(Slow build, strum E5 in quarters, then eighths then sixteenths, and then:
METAL EXPLOSION):

(High picthed wail, clip words to add menace
WHERE IS GRUNGE NOW, MAN?
Died with Kurt Cobain.
He sure took the (very high pitched hold the note) pluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunge now, man,
"WAH WAH WAH I feel pain."
Your wife killed you, you know,
Cause she hated your music too.
And I guess it only goes to show
She sucked even more than you.

It's.......(music slows here - whisper....true.

When I think of you,
I grow so teary.
What's your problem, man?
Huh, Aidan o'Leary?
Huh, Aidan o'Leary?
Huh, Aidan o'Leary?
Huh, Aidan o'Leary?

(strum C-chord slowly, one string at a time)

Shhhhhh.
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Old 03-27-2008, 11:44 AM   #394
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I'm totally down with this...
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Old 08-12-2008, 04:04 PM   #395
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El_Fa

The Bea-Vah

She resigns to the circumstances and shakes her head. The Maple Leaf signal lights the sky of Interland. Minutes later, from out of the shadows comes the hero known as The El_Fa. "What is it this time, Khamisioner? Are Bitch-Titted NSW's panties all in a bunch again?"

"No, worse."

"Is that lunatic Philly Fan killing New Yorkers again? I haven't been following baseball, did the Mets beat them again, or something? THESE CRAZIES MUST BE STOPPED! I'M ON IT! Flyers are playing the Hurricanes, THAT will surely be his next scene - "

"No, no. Not the pfan. We've got the Phillies in first place. He should be quiet for now."

"Oh...AH HA! The Leg Humping Dog is making videos again! I thought he was done for sure after the last time. I'M...I don't really want to deal with him.......I'm still kinda freaked from the last time."

"No, it's not him. This is far, far worse."

"Uh...I doubt that. Those videos were ka-raaaa - "

"The Bea-Vah."

"Huh?"

"The Bea-Vah."

"No."

"Yes." I'm afraid....this came today. It's a card. A sympathy card. It's addressed to you."

The El_Fa takes the card form the Khamisioner. Slowly he opens it, a picture of Paul Maaurice falls out. The El_Fa picks it up. "So...he took Paul Maurice hostage? Am I supposed to care? Cause honestly, I'm really, really fine with that. Like, 'let's call the whole thing off' fine with it. It is, as they say, a 'Non-Issue'."

"We don't think it has anything to do with Maurice. We think it has to do with you. Turn the picture over."

El_Fa gasps as he reads in scrawled handwriting, "WUT DOEZNT KILL U, ONLEE MAKES YOU....CANADIAN!" El_Fa looks at the Khamisioner. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"We don't know. We assume 'Why so Canadian' was already used, so he had to go with a backup. To avoid redundancy."

"Genius. I need to prepare. This won't be easy."

The Khamisioner turns to shut the light. "Good luck, El_Fa, anything you need - " but as she turned back The El_Fa had already gone into the night.

She grinned and shook her head. From the east she noticed the sky brighten. As she peered she noticed the Douche Bag symbol emblazoned upon the low hanging clouds. She froze, her skin prickled. Things had gone from bad, to worse. Not just The Bea-Vah, the entire UYMFA Gang. "Godspeed, El_fa, Godspeed."
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Old 08-12-2008, 05:15 PM   #396
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Old 08-12-2008, 05:17 PM   #397
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UberBeaver View Post
El_Fa

The Bea-Vah

She resigns to the circumstances and shakes her head. The Maple Leaf signal lights the sky of Interland. Minutes later, from out of the shadows comes the hero known as The El_Fa. "What is it this time, Khamisioner? Are Bitch-Titted NSW's panties all in a bunch again?"

"No, worse."

"Is that lunatic Philly Fan killing New Yorkers again? I haven't been following baseball, did the Mets beat them again, or something? THESE CRAZIES MUST BE STOPPED! I'M ON IT! Flyers are playing the Hurricanes, THAT will surely be his next scene - "

"No, no. Not the pfan. We've got the Phillies in first place. He should be quiet for now."

"Oh...AH HA! The Leg Humping Dog is making videos again! I thought he was done for sure after the last time. I'M...I don't really want to deal with him.......I'm still kinda freaked from the last time."

"No, it's not him. This is far, far worse."

"Uh...I doubt that. Those videos were ka-raaaa - "

"The Bea-Vah."

"Huh?"

"The Bea-Vah."

"No."

"Yes." I'm afraid....this came today. It's a card. A sympathy card. It's addressed to you."

The El_Fa takes the card form the Khamisioner. Slowly he opens it, a picture of Paul Maaurice falls out. The El_Fa picks it up. "So...he took Paul Maurice hostage? Am I supposed to care? Cause honestly, I'm really, really fine with that. Like, 'let's call the whole thing off' fine with it. It is, as they say, a 'Non-Issue'."

"We don't think it has anything to do with Maurice. We think it has to do with you. Turn the picture over."

El_Fa gasps as he reads in scrawled handwriting, "WUT DOEZNT KILL U, ONLEE MAKES YOU....CANADIAN!" El_Fa looks at the Khamisioner. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"We don't know. We assume 'Why so Canadian' was already used, so he had to go with a backup. To avoid redundancy."

"Genius. I need to prepare. This won't be easy."

The Khamisioner turns to shut the light. "Good luck, El_Fa, anything you need - " but as she turned back The El_Fa had already gone into the night.

She grinned and shook her head. From the east she noticed the sky brighten. As she peered she noticed the Douche Bag symbol emblazoned upon the low hanging clouds. She froze, her skin prickled. Things had gone from bad, to worse. Not just The Bea-Vah, the entire UYMFA Gang. "Godspeed, El_fa, Godspeed."
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Old 08-13-2008, 10:52 AM   #398
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Beav still has it. UYMFA 4 LYFE.
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Old 08-13-2008, 11:06 AM   #399
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UberBeaver View Post
El_Fa

The Bea-Vah

She resigns to the circumstances and shakes her head. The Maple Leaf signal lights the sky of Interland. Minutes later, from out of the shadows comes the hero known as The El_Fa. "What is it this time, Khamisioner? Are Bitch-Titted NSW's panties all in a bunch again?"

"No, worse."

"Is that lunatic Philly Fan killing New Yorkers again? I haven't been following baseball, did the Mets beat them again, or something? THESE CRAZIES MUST BE STOPPED! I'M ON IT! Flyers are playing the Hurricanes, THAT will surely be his next scene - "

"No, no. Not the pfan. We've got the Phillies in first place. He should be quiet for now."

"Oh...AH HA! The Leg Humping Dog is making videos again! I thought he was done for sure after the last time. I'M...I don't really want to deal with him.......I'm still kinda freaked from the last time."

"No, it's not him. This is far, far worse."

"Uh...I doubt that. Those videos were ka-raaaa - "

"The Bea-Vah."

"Huh?"

"The Bea-Vah."

"No."

"Yes." I'm afraid....this came today. It's a card. A sympathy card. It's addressed to you."

The El_Fa takes the card form the Khamisioner. Slowly he opens it, a picture of Paul Maaurice falls out. The El_Fa picks it up. "So...he took Paul Maurice hostage? Am I supposed to care? Cause honestly, I'm really, really fine with that. Like, 'let's call the whole thing off' fine with it. It is, as they say, a 'Non-Issue'."

"We don't think it has anything to do with Maurice. We think it has to do with you. Turn the picture over."

El_Fa gasps as he reads in scrawled handwriting, "WUT DOEZNT KILL U, ONLEE MAKES YOU....CANADIAN!" El_Fa looks at the Khamisioner. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"We don't know. We assume 'Why so Canadian' was already used, so he had to go with a backup. To avoid redundancy."

"Genius. I need to prepare. This won't be easy."

The Khamisioner turns to shut the light. "Good luck, El_Fa, anything you need - " but as she turned back The El_Fa had already gone into the night.

She grinned and shook her head. From the east she noticed the sky brighten. As she peered she noticed the Douche Bag symbol emblazoned upon the low hanging clouds. She froze, her skin prickled. Things had gone from bad, to worse. Not just The Bea-Vah, the entire UYMFA Gang. "Godspeed, El_fa, Godspeed."
that is fucking awesome!
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Old 08-13-2008, 11:00 PM   #400
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pfan

Bitch Tits

Just south of South Street, only meters from the old Vet, pfan giggles maniacally as he stares up to the clouds where the douche bag signal calls for his former ally.

"UYMFA UYMFA
Days gone bad
UYMFA UYFMA
Gone are the days we rocked this land.
UYMFA UYFMA
Never forget
UYMFA UYMFA
You know that I - "

"NEVER HAD!"

"Ahh...well now, if it isn't Bitch Tits. Why so - "

"Shut up, pfan. Do I think I have forgotten what the douche signal can do? Have you?"

"no no no no no no. Do you think I am some sort of knave, my friend? Do you not recall - "

"1983?"

"CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU, BITCH TITS! Or shall I call you N-"

"There is no need to utter such letters. Those days have past. A new order has arisen. This is not 1983, nor Winter 2007. Let the past be past."

"oh no no no no no noNSW. This IS 1983. The Sixers are going to sweep the lakers, and I SHALL TRIUMPH!!!! E-A-G-L-E-S! GO FLYERS GO FLYERS GO FLYERS GO!!! A HA HA HA!"

"You've gone mad, man. 25 years without a championship. Aye, a lifetime plus for you. It is sad, but you cannot take your anger out upon Interland. It is not right."

"Oooohhhhh, but it is RITE! M I RITE?"

"No, you are - "

"Have you even checked the NL East standings? WHO IS ON TOP? A HA HA HA HA HA!!!!"

"Indeed, I have. But I know this: It is only a matter of time before they choke."

"A HA HA HA HA. NO NO NO My man-breasted friend. Not this year. THIS IS OUR YEAR!!!"

"How many times do you think the Bea-Vah uttered those words as a Red Sox fan? 5-10-20?"

"DO NOT SPEAK HIS NAME!!!"

"The answer, my former apprentice, is 30."

"YOU SHALL NOT REIGN ON MY VICTORY PARADE! Take this - "

pfan calls to the god of demise and Vengence and hurls failure towards Bitch Tits. But Bitch Tits is unmoved. He catches the spell and allows to course into his body. "2008 NY Giants. 1986 Mets, 1987 Giants. 1994 Rangers. 1983 and 1984 Islanders, not counting the two previous. The Yankees...only the gods can count them since 1983, at least, liek two. Shall I continue?"

"DIE, Bitch Tits! DIEEEEE!"

"No. It will take much more than that. All your signal has done is alerted the El_Fa, and he, my little friend, has been waiting since 1967. Do you think you can usurp him?"

"IT'S NOT FAIR. We deserve victory."

"Ahhh....yes. There's the rub. You do deserve Victory....but victory as defined by your terms, pfan. Why let EL_FA and the Bea_Vah define victory. Why do not WE choose who is champion?"

"Are you proposing....an alliance?"

"Yes."

"But NY and Philly....it cannot be. The mods won't allow such an arrangement."

"Ahhh....but who are the mods? Sicy? She is in Cali, clearly these matters are not of her domain? Khamisioner Rhodes? She cares little of such arrangements. Bonochick? Please. You and I, pfan. We can take UYMFA to new heights. Heights of all manner of cups and trophies and pennants. We can do this! TOGETHER!"

"We can overcome the El_Fa and The Bea_Vah? This is your proposal?"

"Aye....and the others. Together we can rule UYMFA! Fear will hold UYMFA in line! FEAR OF OUR POSTING PROWESS!"

"Ahhh....Bitch Tits....you truly are wise. But not wise enough, my friend. You see, I lured you here. The Douche Bag symbol works many ways. It calls all Douche Bags, of which clearly you were a god amongst men."

"Indeed....I was a douche bag....but I am unable to type g-d."

"And that, my friend, is the rub. When last we met, I was but a learner. Now I am the master."

"Only the master of UYMFA, pfan."

"Exactly. Join me. We will rule UYMFA. I AM YOUR FATHER, NSW!"

"No....no your not."

"OK, I'm not. But still....we can bring UYMFA back, and then destroy it."

"An Interland in chaos? Is this what you propose?"

"YES! Free from the El_Fa and the Bea_Vah. Free from the YLB and LM. Free from the horny dog, free from the bunny from the nee redhotswami. Free, my friend, from all of them."

"This is madness.....and I am intrigued."

"I'm smart. Not like everyone says. I'm smaht."

"Indeed. So say we all."

"Yes, so say we all."
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Old 08-13-2008, 11:13 PM   #401
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Old 08-13-2008, 11:15 PM   #402
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UberBeaver View Post
pfan

Bitch Tits

Just south of South Street, only meters from the old Vet, pfan giggles maniacally as he stares up to the clouds where the douche bag signal calls for his former ally.

"UYMFA UYMFA
Days gone bad
UYMFA UYFMA
Gone are the days we rocked this land.
UYMFA UYFMA
Never forget
UYMFA UYMFA
You know that I - "

"NEVER HAD!"

"Ahh...well now, if it isn't Bitch Tits. Why so - "

"Shut up, pfan. Do I think I have forgotten what the douche signal can do? Have you?"

"no no no no no no. Do you think I am some sort of knave, my friend? Do you not recall - "

"1983?"

"CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU, BITCH TITS! Or shall I call you N-"

"There is no need to utter such letters. Those days have past. A new order has arisen. This is not 1983, nor Winter 2007. Let the past be past."

"oh no no no no no noNSW. This IS 1983. The Sixers are going to sweep the lakers, and I SHALL TRIUMPH!!!! E-A-G-L-E-S! GO FLYERS GO FLYERS GO FLYERS GO!!! A HA HA HA!"

"You've gone mad, man. 25 years without a championship. Aye, a lifetime plus for you. It is sad, but you cannot take your anger out upon Interland. It is not right."

"Oooohhhhh, but it is RITE! M I RITE?"

"No, you are - "

"Have you even checked the NL East standings? WHO IS ON TOP? A HA HA HA HA HA!!!!"

"Indeed, I have. But I know this: It is only a matter of time before they choke."

"A HA HA HA HA. NO NO NO My man-breasted friend. Not this year. THIS IS OUR YEAR!!!"

"How many times do you think the Bea-Vah uttered those words as a Red Sox fan? 5-10-20?"

"DO NOT SPEAK HIS NAME!!!"

"The answer, my former apprentice, is 30."

"YOU SHALL NOT REIGN ON MY VICTORY PARADE! Take this - "

pfan calls to the god of demise and Vengence and hurls failure towards Bitch Tits. But Bitch Tits is unmoved. He catches the spell and allows to course into his body. "2008 NY Giants. 1986 Mets, 1987 Giants. 1994 Rangers. 1983 and 1984 Islanders, not counting the two previous. The Yankees...only the gods can count them since 1983, at least, liek two. Shall I continue?"

"DIE, Bitch Tits! DIEEEEE!"

"No. It will take much more than that. All your signal has done is alerted the El_Fa, and he, my little friend, has been waiting since 1967. Do you think you can usurp him?"

"IT'S NOT FAIR. We deserve victory."

"Ahhh....yes. There's the rub. You do deserve Victory....but victory as defined by your terms, pfan. Why let EL_FA and the Bea_Vah define victory. Why do not WE choose who is champion?"

"Are you proposing....an alliance?"

"Yes."

"But NY and Philly....it cannot be. The mods won't allow such an arrangement."

"Ahhh....but who are the mods? Sicy? She is in Cali, clearly these matters are not of her domain? Khamisioner Rhodes? She cares little of such arrangements. Bonochick? Please. You and I, pfan. We can take UYMFA to new heights. Heights of all manner of cups and trophies and pennants. We can do this! TOGETHER!"

"We can overcome the El_Fa and The Bea_Vah? This is your proposal?"

"Aye....and the others. Together we can rule UYMFA! Fear will hold UYMFA in line! FEAR OF OUR POSTING PROWESS!"

"Ahhh....Bitch Tits....you truly are wise. But not wise enough, my friend. You see, I lured you here. The Douche Bag symbol works many ways. It calls all Douche Bags, of which clearly you were a god amongst men."

"Indeed....I was a douche bag....but I am unable to type g-d."

"And that, my friend, is the rub. When last we met, I was but a learner. Now I am the master."

"Only the master of UYMFA, pfan."

"Exactly. Join me. We will rule UYMFA. I AM YOUR FATHER, NSW!"

"No....no your not."

"OK, I'm not. But still....we can bring UYMFA back, and then destroy it."

"An Interland in chaos? Is this what you propose?"

"YES! Free from the El_Fa and the Bea_Vah. Free from the YLB and LM. Free from the horny dog, free from the bunny from the nee redhotswami. Free, my friend, from all of them."

"This is madness.....and I am intrigued."

"I'm smart. Not like everyone says. I'm smaht."

"Indeed. So say we all."

"Yes, so say we all."
G-d bless this fracking thread.
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Old 08-13-2008, 11:16 PM   #403
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I am voting for Beav for President in November.
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Old 08-13-2008, 11:36 PM   #404
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Unico

LemonMacphisto and the Mothership

The beat is bouncing in upstate New York. The Canadian border grooves to the beat. Unico has the funk turned up to 11. Suddenly, she catches out of the corner of her the Douche Signal and slows the beat to 9.9999999999999999 . "Shiiiiiiiiiiit. Tonight of all nights that crazy ass fool needs to light that damn light? Son of a bitch. I'M FUNKING HERE, BIATCH!"

A second light flies in from the South. "Oh snap. Is that .... shit. It is. Hey, MOTHERSHIP, YOU CAN'T STOP ME THIS TIME, YOU KNOW?.... GROOVE IS IN THE HEART!"

Unico pushes the funk to 12 and the NY/Canada border shakes like that bridge in those old San Francisco earthquake photos. A voice calls down, "IS THERE FUNK AFTER DEATH?"

Unico ignores it, pushes the funk to 15.

"IS THERE FUNK AFTER DEATH?" calls down the Mothership.

"Goddamn," mutters Unico. "IS SEVEN UP?"

The Mothership sets down next to her. LemonMac appears on the ramp. "Hey, you are needed."

"HEY! YO! HELLLLLLZ NO!"

"Yes, there is a gathering taking place. The UYMFA GANG is coming together."

"Oh, that? Well let me tell you something, LemonMac - IF YOU'RE HEARING SOME NOISE IT'S JUST ME AND THE BOYS! HIT ME!"

"You gotta HIT THE BAND!"

Silence.

The funk stops.

Unico stands still for the first time in ages.

She stares at the Mothership and at LemonMan, now fully down the ramp and within an arms length of her.

"Serisouly?" she asks?

"For rizzle."

"Shit....you crazy ass cracker ass ain't fucking with my shit, right? Is this cause I turned it up to 11? You know I rock out when that shit hits 11, right?"

"Yes. I know. And I come here only because I need to. Believe me, Funk Queen Unico, I would rather not be here. But these times call for such measures."

"Yeah....I saw the signal. Is it....true?"

"It's worse than true. NSW has returned, and teamed with Pfan. The El_Fa, he can not do it alone."

"Shit....pfan and NSW? That's some main ingredient right there."

"It is. Join us. It is the only way to overcome the abomination of what was once UYMFA."

"Shiiiiiit. I'll tell you what, I'm gonna find me some NSW and I'm going to do it to him in 3D, right in his earhole."

"Yes, that is the only way. And it must be done before 2012."

"2012....huh?"

"That is the date the Maya calendar ends."

"Huh?"

"Maya....the calender. That's yours, right?"

"Bitch, STFU and get the fuck back in your ship before I wreck your shit."

"Huh?"

"ME-UH, mother fucker. MEEE-UHHH!"

"Oh...my bad....well, that's good. Maybe 2012 isn't the cut off then. But whatever, it should be quick."

"How do I know you ain't gonna try to de-funk my moves with that goddamn Michael Bolton shit again?"

"I can only give you my word....and control of the radio." LemonMac hands the HD Radio to Unico. She takes it, puts it POWER ONE OH SHIIIIIIT and boards the mothership.
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Old 08-13-2008, 11:38 PM   #405
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