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Old 09-18-2006, 05:46 PM   #316
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Old 09-20-2006, 04:27 PM   #317
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F*CKING HYSTERICAL !!

I think Frenchie's is my new favorite.

Lithuania does the cabbage patch dance in it's seat.
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Old 10-16-2006, 11:10 AM   #318
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snowbunny00774

00Kevin

Please note: This is a sequel to 00Kevin's archenemy which can be found here.

For six years 00Kevin ran from MI6, and then one day, in a market in Papua New Guinea, that which he deemed impossible happened. He didn't notice her at first, just another body in a crowded market. Almost casually she walked up to him, grabbed him by his hair and pulled him into a back alley. She had pulled a gun with stunning agility and held it at his gut.

"Ah, if it isn't double Oh Kevin. Or should I call you oh-ten?"
"Don't call me that. NEVER CALL ME THAT. Who are you?"
"Me? I'm double oh seven..."
"Double oh seven? What? How did you-"
"....seventy four."
"Huh? Double oh seven seventy four?"
"Yeah. Bunny. Snow Bunny."
"So...that means that the maxmum budgeted headcount for MI6 is now...100,000?"
"MI6? HA. MI6 is old and busted. MI8 is the new hotness."
"MI8? Where did that come from?"
"Nine eleven chaged everything."
"Who's nine eleven?"
"Nine eleven is a date. Nine-eleven? Not ringing a bell?"
She slaps him.
"Hey, you just hit me!"
She slaps him twice more.
"Hey, why are you hitting me? Stop hitting me! I don't know this nine eleven, and I don't know why he or she, felt the need to change the rules, but...if I were to join MI8 could I be double oh something or other?" SLAP "STOP THAT!"
"It's post nine eleven, Kevin, I can do anything I want." She moistens her finger and inserts it into Kevin's ear. He screams in pain as he falls to the ground.
"The Geneva Conventions! Wet willy's are illegal according to the Geneva Conventions!"
She feigns a punch and Kevin fliches. She hits him twice rapidly in the arm and she says, "Two for flinching." She then wipes the punched area, thus sealing his chance of retaliating with the "No wipe" rule. She pushes the gun into his back. "Geneva Conventions, Schaneva Shneventions. I laugh at them now." She cuffs his hands behind his back. "Back to jolly old England with you Oh Ten."
"Don't call me that. Serisouly." SLAP "STOP THAT! Jesus....How did you track me down?"
"Actually I wasn't looking for you. I'm here for the cricket tourney."
"Really? Who you like this year?"
"Pembroke looks good. But I'm pulling for Dublin."
"Dublin? Come on, mate. Dougherty's looked like shite the past few games. Not a chance. I'm putting my money on Leeds." SLAP. "Stop that! Oh - Look - isn't that Dougherty there?"
"Where?" She turns quickly and 00Kevin tries to run off. She grabs his hair again and slaps him.
"STOP HITTING ME!"
"OK, fine." She releases the cuffs, grabs both his wrists and makes him slap his own face. "Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself. Why are you hitting yourself? Are you crazy, hitting yourself like that? Stop hitting yourself."
"KNOCK IT OFF! This is inhumane." She puts the cuffs back on him and throws him to the ground. She places her finger an inch from his face and twirls it in circles. "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you." SLAP. "Ooops, I touched you. My bad." Agent 00774 checks her watch and realizes that the cricket game begins shortly. "Listen oh-ten - "
"Don't call me that."
"You stay right here. I'll be back in a bit. Don't move." She reaches into the back ohis pants and pulls his underwear mid way up his back. "OOOOHHHH!!!! NICE!!! Sick wedgie there, oh ten."
"Don't call me that."
Agent 00774 drags her foot over 00Kevin as she walks toward the park where the game is about to begin. 00Kevin squirms down the alley, all the while swearing his revenge on MI6, MI8 and Agent 00774.
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Old 11-08-2006, 11:45 AM   #319
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Just came across this ...
one word: BRILLIANT.

If you are still in commission...would you mind taking the time to do me?

Its seems its been a while since you've had any.
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Old 11-08-2006, 12:21 PM   #320
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I second that....

this is by far, my favorite thread.
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Old 12-05-2006, 04:08 PM   #321
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Zootelesque

Carl (from Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

- New Jersey.

Carl: Hey there, Zoots. So I hear your making some mixed album.

Zoots: Well, yeah. I wanted to collect some of the real good rock songs -

Carl: Rock songs? I don't see no Foreigner on that list.

Zoots: Well, I was going for more of the -

Carl: Journey? I don't see no Journey neither.

Zoots: Right, but that's not -

Carl: It just seems to me like you, you know, don't really get the whole Rock thing. I mean, you're from Jersey. It should be like second nature to you. I mean, Bon Jovi is all well and good, but come on? No REO Speedwagon? Chicago?

Zoots: Well, like I was say-

Carl: MSG, 81. Foreigner ripped that place up. That was Rock. This, this Motley Crue? What do they know about rock?

Zoots: Hey, Carl. "Girls, Girls, Girls"? That's rock.

Carl: "Girls, Girls, Girls?" Sounds like a Tuesday night for Lou Gramm. That guy knew how to rock. Cinderella? Europe? Hey, I mean, you're a nice guy and all, but I wanna hear some rock, and you're giving me....what are you giving me? I don't even know what this is.

Zoots: Dokken? Maiden?

Carl: Hey you know what, those guys Can Fight the Feeling. Real rock clearly states you "Can't Fight That Feeling." Least, not anymore. That's rock.

Zoots: Van Halen! Come on, Carl. Admit it, when they rocked, their sound was hot.

Carl: Real rock is "Cold As Ice." Nice try there Zootely.

Zoots: I can't believe this.

Carl: Wrong. Real rock dictate number 7: "Don't Stop Believing." Next.

Zoots: Knock it off.

Carl: Nope. I'm "Gonna Keep On Lovin You". Might be the only way to teach you how to rock.

Zoots: Fine. You win. I'm outta here.

Carl: Hey, "Don't Go Away Man, Just Go Away."

Zoots: Yes, I a - HEY - That's Motley Crue!

Carl: What? No...no it aint.

Zoots: Yes it. Sing it with me Carl, "Girl, don't go away mad, girl just go away." Come on Carl! You know you know it!

Carl: What? Motley Who? No, no way. That's uh, that's Loverboy. Yeah.

Zoots: No it's not Carl. You tried to out rock me by quoting the Crue! HAHA. I knew it!

Carl: Nah, nah. Loverboy. That's a line from "Working for the Weekend." Yeah.

Zoots: No, it's not. You quoted Motley Crue.

Carl. You're Crazy.

Zoots: Guns N Roses.

Carl: No. No. You got it all wrong. It's all in fun. You know, "Nothing but a Good Time."

Zoots: Poison.

Carl: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME! I CAN'T STOP! How did you get in my head? I didn't even see you "Lay Your Hands On Me!"

Zoots: Bon Jovi.

Carl: PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP! "I Just Can't Enough.!"

Zoots: Depeche Mode.

Carl: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Zoots: HAHA. Be gone Carl, back to your Cold as Ice Rock Paradise. Mayhaps one day you will learn the true way of ROCK. As it stands now, you are but a learner, and I am the Master.

Carl: Only the Master of Puppets, Zoots. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Zoots: HAHA. I banquish the. Let this serve as your "Final Countdown", Carl. 3 - 2 - 1. ROCK!

And with that Carl was banquishd to the fourth rung of hell, where he sits with Eddie Money and wonders where it all went wrong.
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Old 12-05-2006, 04:21 PM   #322
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Me thinks Carl should hang out w/ Jack Black to learn about rocking.
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Old 12-05-2006, 06:18 PM   #323
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Jack Black totally does rock. Good call. That Tenacious D movie had me rolling.
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Old 12-05-2006, 08:29 PM   #324
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good one UberBeaver

And Jack Black is a Yes fan.

yours is no disgrace
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Old 12-05-2006, 11:52 PM   #325
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well done!



Beav, this is BAW, btw ------> in case you didn't recognize me.
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Old 12-06-2006, 12:15 PM   #326
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bono's American Wife
well done!



Beav, this is BAW, btw ------> in case you didn't recognize me.
Oh. Thanks for the follow up. I was just about to go off on the cake (is that a cake in the picture?) eating, clapping lunatic in my topic. But then I saw it was you. Cool. That was close.
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Old 12-06-2006, 01:51 PM   #327
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How have I missed this thread? Great stuff
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Old 12-06-2006, 03:47 PM   #328
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More More More !!

The crowd chants: More More More

Louder, I can't hear you !!

More More More !
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Old 12-06-2006, 06:12 PM   #329
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Yeah, what Numb said...MORE! I didn't get an archnemesis yet
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Old 12-06-2006, 10:44 PM   #330
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Yea! I brought the thread back to life... i've been waiting patiently, like a good girl.

If you cant come up with a short story could you pretty please come up with a name for me??

Thank you.

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