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Old 05-05-2006, 03:44 PM   #256
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bonochick


Is that your policy?

"Oh, you have a policy! The delicate genius has a policy!!!!!"

When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
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Old 05-05-2006, 09:41 PM   #257
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You've been hitting the slopes, haven't you?
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Old 05-05-2006, 09:57 PM   #258
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U2VertigoFly

Nature

"Hello Doctor."
"Why hello there Mr...U2VertigoFly. What brings you in today?"
"Ahem, well, it's a tad embarrasing, actually...."
"Rash, puss, warts? Stuff like that? No problem, happens to plenty of young men. I'll get you a - "
"Oh, no. Nothing like that, doc. It's, well...Vertigo."
"Vertigo? You're a Fly, son. Fly's don't get Vertigo."
"Yes, I know. Which is why this is embarrasing. I'll be flying along, right, listening to conversations and then I get this feeling, like I'm falling. It's absurd. I'm a Fly, doc. I come from a long line of Flys and goddamn it, not one of them has ever fallen. Not once. We've been swatted, sprayed, stuck to some kind of glue tape, but we do not just arbitrarily fall, doc. It's unnatural."
"Well, Nature has a wit, son. She's pulled some good ones in her day. Earthquakes, cyclones, meteors. Sometimes she likes to chage things up. Keep us on our toes."
"Well she pissed me off, doc."
"Yes, well, I can't prescribe anything against nature. But I might be able to give you something about those dizzy spells - "
"NO - I'll not be some doped up Fly flying around. I will do this on my own. I will take on Nature herself and buzz around her goddamn ear. She swat at me, but I'll dodge, and she'll hit her ear, and then I'll fly into her other ear, and lay eggs and ... and.... Yeah. I'll do that. Screw her."
"You...um...you do realize she's not a real woman, right? It's just an expression, sorta."
"That won't stop me, doc. We Flys don't go down that easy."
"Right. OK then. Um...good luck with that.....you sure you don't want something?"
"Yeah....well...ok, maybe just likes a weeks worth. I can take that time to train. Cool?"
that's some good stuff. thanks
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Old 05-07-2006, 11:37 AM   #259
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Originally posted by UberBeaver
TheBrush

TheComb

It used to be all about TheComb. I'd be there on the dresser every morning, waiting to be dragged through that wet, fresh smelling hair. Then I'd find warmth in the back pocket, and when the master sat, I'd curve my body to go with the curvature of his ass. I'd bend, but never break. And when the wind kicked up, I was just a reach around away. And then I'd glide, like silk on silk, through his hair. I kept it neat, kempt.

And then one day, I get taken out of the pocket and laid on the dresser. And what's there next to me? TheBrush. Apparently the master believed his hair, which I nurtured for years, had gotten too long and thick for me to adequately groom. So he brought in TheBrush. With his multiple rows of teeth, like a shark he looked. A shark covered in hair. Digusting. Ungraceful did he move. Constantly snagging at the hair of the master. It caused me pain, I admit. Had I tear ducts, I'd've wept.

I pray everyday that TheBrush melts under a hairdryer. I'll admit it. I'm bitter. I'm pissed off. This young arrogant second rate hair care tool comes rolling in and I get relegated to a drawer? A spent a month on the floor after I got knocked over. Master didn't even notice. I was covered in dust balls. But I'll tell you this: When he found me and picked me up, he left below the straightest most well kept dustballs this world will ever see.

Oh, I know my time will return. TheBrush is only a fad. This revival of the long hair hippie movement fuels him. But trends change, men will take pride in their appearance again, and then shall I return to glory, curled every so nicely against the round rump of the Master. I just bide my time.

Great!!!
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Old 05-08-2006, 11:30 AM   #260
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TripThruUreWires (female)
Namkur (male)
BonoChick (female)
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Mr Brau (male)
Onebloodonelife
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LJT (male)
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Onebloodonelife (female)
YBORCITYOBL
U2SavesTheWorld
BonosGirl84
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Old 05-08-2006, 11:42 AM   #261
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Old 05-08-2006, 12:16 PM   #262
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Leave the Delicate Genious alone
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Old 05-08-2006, 01:50 PM   #263
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BonoChick

BonosGirl84

Las Vegas, Nevada, March 3rd 2005

Officer Bob Marbury

"We got a call about a domestic disturbance in the Winchester section of town. We're gonna go check it out."

2 minutes later Officer Marbury arrives at the scene. 2 women and a man are in front of a trailer, bottles are strewn about. Much yelling and swinging of arms.

"Hello, I got a call about a domestic disturbance. What seems to be the problem?"
Man: "The problem? What's the problem, he asks. The problem, Officer, is there are children, millions of children, starving in Africa. There are women being raped in Africa. That's the problem, officer. That's the problem for you. And I ask of you - "
Bob: "I meant here, tonight. I got a call about a problem - "
Man: "The problem here? You got two women, fighting over one man. Supply and demand, officer. Supply and demand....Am I buggin' ya?"
Bob: "No, not at all."
Man: "GOOD, Cause I mean ta....Not at all? Perhaps a little bit. I must be buggin' ya a little bit, right?"
Bob: "Sir, what I need from you is to tell me what's going on here. I see those two women going at it, and I need to know why, and is any one armed?"
Man: "Uhh...armed? The death squads in Darfur are armed, officer, and everyday they go town to town - "
Bob: "Right. Anyone here, aside from me. Is anyone armed."
Man: "Uhhhh...I don't think so. No. Though I am armed with the truth, if that means anything to ya...DOES IT?"
Bob: "No, not really. LADIES, LADIES, break it up. What is this all about? Stop hitting each other."
BonoChick: "SHE'S A HARLOT, OFFICER."
BonosGirl: "I Come home tonight to find THIS tramp in bed with MY MAN!"
BonoChick: "He ain't your man! He ain't no one's man. He's his own man. You don't own him!"
BonosGirl: "SHUT UP!"
BonoChick: "No, YOU Shut up!"
BonosGirl: "I ain't gonna shuttup. You cain't make me shuttup, so YOU shuttup!"
Bob: "OK, I'm gonna need backup here. 2 females, 1 male, all drunk, fighting going on. Sir, sir, please, stand up...tell me what's...please don't lean on me like that....sir, put down that broom stick and stop marching. Sir, please, I need to know....I don't know how long you'll be needing to sing that song, sir, but for now I need you to answer some questions for me."
Man: "TOO LOOOOOONG!"

Backup arrives. Lt Dan Wilcox.

Dan: "Bob, what we got here?"
Bob: "We got 2 females, over there, slapping away. And we got that one male that won't STFU about Africa and marching around. Aside from that broomstick, no one seems armed. "
Dan: "OK, let's see what we can do. Ladies, what's going on here. Why the anger?"
BonoChick: "She tried to steal my MAN!"
BonosGirl: "LIESLIESLIESLIESLIESLIESLIES. I aint stole nothing from nobody."
BonoChick: "You tried to steal him, but cain't have him, he'll never love you. Not like he loves me!"
Man: "Love is a TEMPLE! She asked me to enter! And then she made me crawl."
BonoGirl: "And all you got is HURT!"
BonoChick: "Well we hurt each other."
BonoGirl: "Then we do it again...I'm so sorry chick, we gotta stop doing this."
Bonochick: "You're right, Girl. It's just an endless cycle."
Man: "Sisters, Brothers."
Dan: "Bob, I have idea WTF is going on here."
Bob: "That makes 2 of us, Dan. That makes two of us."
Dan: "All in a days work."
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Old 05-08-2006, 01:52 PM   #264
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lmfao
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Old 05-08-2006, 01:58 PM   #265
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U2SavesTheWorld - are you male or female?
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Old 05-08-2006, 02:00 PM   #266
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one love brothers !!
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Old 05-08-2006, 02:00 PM   #267
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female
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Old 05-08-2006, 02:01 PM   #268
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Grazie.

And Hello there.
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Old 05-08-2006, 02:03 PM   #269
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Old 05-08-2006, 02:39 PM   #270
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U2SavesTheWorld

The Justice League


Superman: OK, meeting in session. The Honorable Batman residing. Please be seated.
Batman: Thank you, Superman. OK, it has come to my attention, and I believe the attention of everyone in this room, that our roles as protectors of truth, justice and the American way is being impeded upon by some newcomer that goes by the name 'U2SavesTheWorld.' Well last time I checked it was our job to save the world.
All: HERE HERE.
Batman: That being said, we need to consider our course of action. Thoughts?
Aquaman: I could drown the bastard. Then feed the bloody remains to the sharks, and whatever is left I'll have the bottom feeders finish off. In 2 weeks time it'll be like he never existed.
Wonder Woman: First off, you chauvinist prick, she's a woman.
Aquaman: That doesn't matter. With my super underwater techniques the gender of the victim is irrelevant.
Wonder Woman: Whatever Tuna Boy, STFU. OK? Good. Second, why must we kill her? Why not have her join us?
Green Latern: OK - See? This is my point. I said, "NO WOMEN ON THE JUSTICE LEAGUE" and this is why. By the time Wonder Woman and her new "friend" get done with the Justice League we'll have to let Lois Lane join and the biggest issue will be window treatments for the Hall of Justice.
Batman: Lantern, you're outta line. Sit down. Diana, you can kick his ass after the meeting, you have my blessing. Uncalled for, Lantern.
Superman: Why not let her join? What's she look like?
Wonder Woman: Goddamnit. You're all useless. No wonder she has to save the world.
Flash: Maybe I can run around her real fast.
Batman: Um...ok. To what end?
Flash: Well, I'd be real fast. And I'd run in a circle. Like this. See? I'm done. That was real fast, right?
Batman: It sure was. But what would that accomplish, insofar as dealing with the problem of her saving the world in lieu of us.
Flash: Uhhhh. What?
Batman: Right, thank you Flash. Anyone else?
Zan: I can turn into a bucket of water and Jayne can throw me on her! She'll be all wet!
Batman: When did we turn into an after school program for special needs kids? Jesus.
Jesus: I got nothing, Bruce. Sorry.
Batman: Right, no problem. Robin, any ideas?
Robin: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Batman: Hawk...guy. What's your name anyway?
Hawkguy: It's irrelevant at this juncture. I say we set a trap. Then we trap her. Then we find out what she really wants.
Batman: Not a bad plan. Samuari?
Samurai: Hai. Good plan.
Batman: Atom?
Atom: Do we need to trap her? Can't we just ask her what she's doing.
Batmaa: Talk to her? She's a girl. I can't just go up and talk to her. You know how I get.
Flash: I'll go.
Superman: Yeah. Right. And then what, say, "Hey, I run real fast. Watch. Ooops. I'm done, just picked this up in China for you." You're such a tool.
Flash: You know that line works, and ever since you turned back time by flying backwards around earth you've become a real prick.
Superman: You watch your mouth.
Flash: Or what?
Batman: Fellas, come on now. Enough of this. So the best plan we have so far is to trap her and ask her what she's up to. Correct?
Jayne: Or Zan can turn to water and I can throw him.
Batman: Right, we'll save that as Plan B.
Aquaman: So no drowning? C'mon. I never get to drown anyone. If I worked for the Legion of Doom I'd be drowning suckas like water was free.
Superman: Fine. Go to the Legion of Doom. They're in a swamp anyhow. I'm sure you'll love it there. Talk to the leeches. Jackass.
Batman: OK, then here's the plan. We'll set a trap, ask her what she's doing and proceed from there.
All: Right. Sounds good.
Batman: That took 30 minutes to come up with.
All: Yeah. Not bad, not bad.
Batman: ...
Robin: Holy awesome plan, Batman. How we gonna set the trap?
Aquaman: I can bring her underwater until she passes out.
Flash: I'll run real fast and trip her!
Zan: I can become ice and cause her to fall. Then Jayne can take the form of a cage!
Wonder Woman: OK, she's here.
Batman: Who?
Wonder Woman: U2SavesTheWorld.
Batman: How did she get here?
Wonder Woman: I made a cutout that said, "U2STW We need to 2 ask U something" and put it on the Batlight. And she showed up.
Flash: But...that's not the plan.
Wonder Woman: OK, I made a TRAP Cutout that said....etc.
Robin: Holy Diabolical Genuis plan, Batman. Brilliant.
Batman: So...where is she?
Wonder Woman: Right here.
Batman: Oh....um....hi...I'm a .... uh...
Flash: Why hello there, I'm Flash. Watch this; I just ran to Japan and back, got you some chop sticks. You like?"
Superman: You are such a F'ING TOOL!
Aquaman: I bet you'd look great with wet hair. Mmmm, yeah. I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you?
Wonder Woman: You guys are useless. C'mon U2SavesTheWorld, we got a world to save.
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