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Old 05-03-2006, 02:01 PM   #241
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pardon me!
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Old 05-03-2006, 03:55 PM   #242
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Is this genius of the delicate variety?
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Old 05-04-2006, 12:32 PM   #243
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you'd have to ask him
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Old 05-04-2006, 03:52 PM   #244
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bonochick
Is this genius of the delicate variety?

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Old 05-05-2006, 09:07 AM   #245
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Quote:
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Is this genius of the delicate variety?
I can't WORK LIKE THIS!
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Old 05-05-2006, 09:22 AM   #246
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Yeah.........Don't rush "The Dude". Patience is a virtue,good things come to those who wait
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Old 05-05-2006, 09:43 AM   #247
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00Kevin

The MI6 Naming Consortium

"Special Agent Kevin, congratulations. You have successfully completed your secret agent training. Here is your Omega Watch, an Astin Martin DB5, a layer cake that's actually a bomb, and an exploding pen. You will be given these items to help preserve her majesty's honour and the freedom of her people. And now the ceremonial naming: I now pronounce thee Secret Agent 010."

"I am ... honoured. Since I joined the armed forces my mission had always been to be a member of the distinguished and brilliant MI6. I believe it to be the highest form of acheivment to be an MI6 agent. I am proud to be double oh ten."

"Right. It's actually, Oh Ten. Only 3 numbers there."

"Yes, but Oh 10, or Single Oh Ten....that's not it. It should be double oh ten. Like double oh seven. You know?"

"Um...I see your point, but it doesn't work like that. That would give us a maximum budgeted headcount of 9,999 agents. We're only alloted 999. So it's just one 0 before your number."

"But...I can't go up to the head of the Russian mafia and say, 'Good day, chum. I'm single o 10. You're coming with me.' He's gonna laugh at me. I can't bring in a crime lord if he's laughing at me name. That's degrading."

"Right...well you can still tell him, 'Hey, it's might be a single 0, but I'm still Top 10. What you think of that mate?' "

"And he'll probably be offended that we didn't send a Top 9, a DOUBLE OH agent after him. Can I be Double Oh Kevin, then?"

"What? That's madness. You can't just give out your first name to criminals hellbent on world domination, son. That's lunacy."

"Well, it's only my given name. I wouldn't be givin' out me surname, mind you. It's not like I'd be, 'Good day chum, I'm Double Oh Kevin Blankenshap, from Leeds, sir. My father was a baker, my mother tended the kids mostly, but also worked in a school a few days a week to help with clean up and chores, brought a little extra money in, yeah? They both moved to Manchester a few years ago to be closer to me mum's family, here's their address.' You know? I'd just be like, 'DOuble Oh Kevin....BAM.' Yeah?"

"No...no of course not. That's...it just doesn't work like that oh ten."

"Don't call me that!"

"That' your name now. What should I call you?"

"Call me....call me your worst nightmare. Your archnesmesis. Call me Double Oh Kevin. And tell Bond to GFH."

And with that 00Kevin threw the exploding pen, jumped in the Astin Martin, used the bomb cake to create a hole in the wall so he could drive out and used the laser on his watch cause it was so badass. MI6 has so far pursued 00Kevin through the Himalayas, under the Black Sea and to the moon, but each time, 00Kevin escapes.
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Old 05-05-2006, 10:11 AM   #248
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Old 05-05-2006, 10:37 AM   #249
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TheBrush

TheComb

It used to be all about TheComb. I'd be there on the dresser every morning, waiting to be dragged through that wet, fresh smelling hair. Then I'd find warmth in the back pocket, and when the master sat, I'd curve my body to go with the curvature of his ass. I'd bend, but never break. And when the wind kicked up, I was just a reach around away. And then I'd glide, like silk on silk, through his hair. I kept it neat, kempt.

And then one day, I get taken out of the pocket and laid on the dresser. And what's there next to me? TheBrush. Apparently the master believed his hair, which I nurtured for years, had gotten too long and thick for me to adequately groom. So he brought in TheBrush. With his multiple rows of teeth, like a shark he looked. A shark covered in hair. Digusting. Ungraceful did he move. Constantly snagging at the hair of the master. It caused me pain, I admit. Had I tear ducts, I'd've wept.

I pray everyday that TheBrush melts under a hairdryer. I'll admit it. I'm bitter. I'm pissed off. This young arrogant second rate hair care tool comes rolling in and I get relegated to a drawer? A spent a month on the floor after I got knocked over. Master didn't even notice. I was covered in dust balls. But I'll tell you this: When he found me and picked me up, he left below the straightest most well kept dustballs this world will ever see.

Oh, I know my time will return. TheBrush is only a fad. This revival of the long hair hippie movement fuels him. But trends change, men will take pride in their appearance again, and then shall I return to glory, curled every so nicely against the round rump of the Master. I just bide my time.
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Old 05-05-2006, 10:51 AM   #250
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U2VertigoFly

Nature

"Hello Doctor."
"Why hello there Mr...U2VertigoFly. What brings you in today?"
"Ahem, well, it's a tad embarrasing, actually...."
"Rash, puss, warts? Stuff like that? No problem, happens to plenty of young men. I'll get you a - "
"Oh, no. Nothing like that, doc. It's, well...Vertigo."
"Vertigo? You're a Fly, son. Fly's don't get Vertigo."
"Yes, I know. Which is why this is embarrasing. I'll be flying along, right, listening to conversations and then I get this feeling, like I'm falling. It's absurd. I'm a Fly, doc. I come from a long line of Flys and goddamn it, not one of them has ever fallen. Not once. We've been swatted, sprayed, stuck to some kind of glue tape, but we do not just arbitrarily fall, doc. It's unnatural."
"Well, Nature has a wit, son. She's pulled some good ones in her day. Earthquakes, cyclones, meteors. Sometimes she likes to chage things up. Keep us on our toes."
"Well she pissed me off, doc."
"Yes, well, I can't prescribe anything against nature. But I might be able to give you something about those dizzy spells - "
"NO - I'll not be some doped up Fly flying around. I will do this on my own. I will take on Nature herself and buzz around her goddamn ear. She swat at me, but I'll dodge, and she'll hit her ear, and then I'll fly into her other ear, and lay eggs and ... and.... Yeah. I'll do that. Screw her."
"You...um...you do realize she's not a real woman, right? It's just an expression, sorta."
"That won't stop me, doc. We Flys don't go down that easy."
"Right. OK then. Um...good luck with that.....you sure you don't want something?"
"Yeah....well...ok, maybe just likes a weeks worth. I can take that time to train. Cool?"
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Old 05-05-2006, 11:29 AM   #251
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Quote:
Originally posted by UberBeaver


I can't WORK LIKE THIS!
Is that your policy?

"Oh, you have a policy! The delicate genius has a policy!!!!!"

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Old 05-05-2006, 11:36 AM   #252
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ok, i bite

im posting
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Old 05-05-2006, 12:07 PM   #253
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make that two
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Old 05-05-2006, 12:09 PM   #254
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Old 05-05-2006, 12:14 PM   #255
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lmao
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