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Old 04-19-2006, 01:02 PM   #196
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(can someone please make a :hulksmiley: ?)
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Old 04-19-2006, 01:05 PM   #197
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That's next on the 'grumpify' list.
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Old 04-19-2006, 01:07 PM   #198
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Thank you very much. High Five!
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Old 04-19-2006, 01:08 PM   #199
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Originally posted by TripThruUreWires


oh, no, nope, wait. apparently it is ME with the anger issues (refer to journal). it's likely i was just trying to project my own anger on you or perhaps [insert some psycho-social-pathological jargon here]. forgive me.

i'll stop causing you confusion and diverting your attention already, thereby allowing you to get back to your matchmaking work here--which is stellar and hilarious by the way
K. Cool. Nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. I'll get to ya, promise.
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Old 04-19-2006, 02:51 PM   #200
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GreenEyedGirl

US Strategic Air Command

The Alien Armies have invaded. Launched from Xeckton 7.9 three months ago, they traveled via a wormhole and arrived on the far side of the sun 2 months ago. From there they planned their invasion and chose the time to attack. The US Strategic Air Command was waiting for them. Thanks to satellite imagery, the large alien force was picked up as they left exited the wormhole.

President Bush, excited ever so much by aliens, got right to work. Karl Rove spun the story to make is seem that the issue was illegal aliens, and the southern states mobilized. In Texas, for example, a civilian border patrol watched the Texas/Mexico border.

When the aliens made their move, the US Strategic Air Command launched a sortie of nukes. Several of the alien spacecrafts never made it past Venus thanks to this preemptive strike. But most did.

The aliens blew the Bronx away, said that Queens could stay, and sank Manhattan out to see. President Bush said that was collateral damage, and no big deal, really. He was so happy to finally be meeting the Aliens. He stood on the White House lawn with a little sign that said, "WE WELCOME YOU ALIENS!" Rove and Cheney had the strategic air command, dubbed the "Strategery Air Command" by President Bush, to launch all air units to repel the foreign invasion.

One alien ship, shot down by an F-16 Eagle over Cranston,W Va, was spotted by Euclid P. Brothers, local resident and shop owner in Cranston. "I went to see the wreckage, and some little green alien came runnin over to. She had Green Eyes. I swear, I seen em. Green Eyes. I never knew Mexican's were green, but whatever. I couldn't understand what she was sayin, I ain't never learned Spanish. So I brought her to the sherrif."

Sheriff James McDunough: "Well, Euclid done bring me the little green alien. She says, 'Take me to your leader.' Now, if you know who our leader is, standing out there on a the White House lawn with a little 'Welcome Aliens' sign, you'd have had the same reaction as me, which was, naturally, to laugh and say, 'Don't know that any good will come of that.' And then she pulled out a ray gun and vaporized me left leg. Then she ran off. I'll be honest, I never had a problem with the Mexican's until one of vaporized my leg for making a little joke."

The little alien made her way to Washington DC, asking questions and vaporizing as she went. In the three days it took her to walk from W Va to DC, Dick Cheney authorized an attack on Iran and Syria because they were harboring aliens, and even if they weren't, they would probably do so in the future.

Upon arriving in DC, she met with President Bush who hugged her and asked her if she liked cookies and milk. They were then seen playing hide and go seek in the Capitol building. When the "Strategery Air Command" learned that an alien pilot was seen in the Capitol, they immediately sent agents to capture her so that they could learn more of their enemies in an effort to finally win the war. President Bush said he didn't know were she was, but he had a feeling she was hiding behind a curtain in the oval office. He invited the agents to come take a look.

"Ohhhh GreenEyedGirl, I'm gonna find you." He pushed aside the curtain and lo and behold, there she was. She giggled and Pres Bush said, "Can't beat me at hide and go seek. No siree. Fool me one...uh, won't get fooled again." The agents then rushed GreenEyedGirl and brought her down. She is now in a box in Roswell New Mexico. President Bush was last seen running through the White House with his new "ray gun" pointing is things and saying, "ZAP ZAP - I vaporize you....wow, this thing really works. YAY!"
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Old 04-19-2006, 03:11 PM   #201
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Priceless
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Old 04-19-2006, 03:16 PM   #202
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Funniest Thread ever!!! Cheers Beav!!!!
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Old 04-19-2006, 03:16 PM   #203
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These are so hilarious! 5 stars, two thumbs up, etc. etc.
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Old 04-19-2006, 03:43 PM   #204
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Quote:
Originally posted by UberBeaver
GreenEyedGirl

US Strategic Air Command

The Alien Armies have invaded. Launched from Xeckton 7.9 three months ago, they traveled via a wormhole and arrived on the far side of the sun 2 months ago. From there they planned their invasion and chose the time to attack. The US Strategic Air Command was waiting for them. Thanks to satellite imagery, the large alien force was picked up as they left exited the wormhole.

President Bush, excited ever so much by aliens, got right to work. Karl Rove spun the story to make is seem that the issue was illegal aliens, and the southern states mobilized. In Texas, for example, a civilian border patrol watched the Texas/Mexico border.

When the aliens made their move, the US Strategic Air Command launched a sortie of nukes. Several of the alien spacecrafts never made it past Venus thanks to this preemptive strike. But most did.

The aliens blew the Bronx away, said that Queens could stay, and sank Manhattan out to see. President Bush said that was collateral damage, and no big deal, really. He was so happy to finally be meeting the Aliens. He stood on the White House lawn with a little sign that said, "WE WELCOME YOU ALIENS!" Rove and Cheney had the strategic air command, dubbed the "Strategery Air Command" by President Bush, to launch all air units to repel the foreign invasion.

One alien ship, shot down by an F-16 Eagle over Cranston,W Va, was spotted by Euclid P. Brothers, local resident and shop owner in Cranston. "I went to see the wreckage, and some little green alien came runnin over to. She had Green Eyes. I swear, I seen em. Green Eyes. I never knew Mexican's were green, but whatever. I couldn't understand what she was sayin, I ain't never learned Spanish. So I brought her to the sherrif."

Sheriff James McDunough: "Well, Euclid done bring me the little green alien. She says, 'Take me to your leader.' Now, if you know who our leader is, standing out there on a the White House lawn with a little 'Welcome Aliens' sign, you'd have had the same reaction as me, which was, naturally, to laugh and say, 'Don't know that any good will come of that.' And then she pulled out a ray gun and vaporized me left leg. Then she ran off. I'll be honest, I never had a problem with the Mexican's until one of vaporized my leg for making a little joke."

The little alien made her way to Washington DC, asking questions and vaporizing as she went. In the three days it took her to walk from W Va to DC, Dick Cheney authorized an attack on Iran and Syria because they were harboring aliens, and even if they weren't, they would probably do so in the future.

Upon arriving in DC, she met with President Bush who hugged her and asked her if she liked cookies and milk. They were then seen playing hide and go seek in the Capitol building. When the "Strategery Air Command" learned that an alien pilot was seen in the Capitol, they immediately sent agents to capture her so that they could learn more of their enemies in an effort to finally win the war. President Bush said he didn't know were she was, but he had a feeling she was hiding behind a curtain in the oval office. He invited the agents to come take a look.

"Ohhhh GreenEyedGirl, I'm gonna find you." He pushed aside the curtain and lo and behold, there she was. She giggled and Pres Bush said, "Can't beat me at hide and go seek. No siree. Fool me one...uh, won't get fooled again." The agents then rushed GreenEyedGirl and brought her down. She is now in a box in Roswell New Mexico. President Bush was last seen running through the White House with his new "ray gun" pointing is things and saying, "ZAP ZAP - I vaporize you....wow, this thing really works. YAY!"


brilliant!!
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Old 04-19-2006, 11:39 PM   #205
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Quote:
Originally posted by UberBeaver
Bono212

Bono646

I left NYC for two months a couple of years ago. Disconnected my screenname, figured it would be ok when I got back. So I get back, call the screen name company and I ask for my screen name. They say, "Ok Ms (I'm assuming you're a woman, so you're probably a man, in which case, no hard feeling, k?) Bono, here you go."
I take it and I say,
"Wait. What is this? 646? I thought 646 was just for new screennames."

"This is a new screenname."

"No, no, no, no. It's not a new screenname. It's--it's--it's just a changed screenname. See? It's not different. It's the same, just...changed."

"Look, I work for the screenname company. I've had a lot of experience with semantics, so don't try to lure me into some maze of circular logic."

"You know, I could've killed you, and no one would've known."

"I could've killed you, and no one would've known."

So no I wander around here, a pariah, while some fool gets to be all cool with the 212 screen name. Hogwash I say. S/he can't live forever. And when 212 goes down, I'll be right there, waiting to reclaim my birthright, the 212.



I actually did that once with my hotmail address....it was bono_312 for a long time, and I just kept waiting for the right moment


and yes, I'm a girl
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Old 04-19-2006, 11:55 PM   #206
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Quote:
Originally posted by UberBeaver
Love_U2_Adam

Adam.

She says she loves me. And that's nice and all, but it's the "I love you too" bit I don't get. I don't know her, really. I mean, aside from seeing her follow me around, I've never met her. We've had one conversation which consisted of her yelling, "I love you too! Adam!" And I replied, "Right. Please stop following me around." And she says, "But I love you too. I love you too. ADAM!" I never said I loved her. Never. I don't know her. I wouldn't say such a thing to a young woman. Not anymore anyway. And so, your honour, I petition this court for a restraining order against this woman. I think she's slightly off kilter, if you know what I mean. Had she said, "I love YOU!" that'd be fine. But "I love you too?" I'm a married man. My wife asks, "Why are these women always saying that they love you TOO? Who are they? What are you telling them?" It's embrassing sir. Sometimes I think maybe I have black outs. Like long periods of time where I run around telling women, and sometimes men I guess, that I love them. And then I come to, and have no recollection. It's creepy.


that was awesome



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Old 04-20-2006, 04:50 AM   #207
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not anywhere near as good as redkat's post, but found the gif on short notice...
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Old 04-21-2006, 02:40 PM   #208
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CliffEdge and Rockin Edge

Vs

GotEdge and GotPhilK

Tonight the Tag Team Belt is on the line. CliffEdge and Rockin Edge meet their former partner and brother GotEdge as he teams up with GotPhilK in a turn of events that can only happen in professional wrestling.

The Edge brothers, Got, Cliff and Rockin, trained in Alberta, Canada and perfected such devastating moves as the Edge Slam, the Edge Super Mega Combo, and the Edgetactular Spine Tingler Superplex Roll Slam. When they hit the WWE circuit in 2004 they immediately took the tag team belt and were so popular that Vince McMahon had to invent a belt for 3 man tag teams. But the glory was shortly lived.

Got Edge, smaller and darker than his two older brothers, learned that he was not a true Edge, but was instead a Got. He was sold into slavery at a young age and bought by the Edge family. Mr. Edge wanted to build a wrestling dynasty, but with only two sons, he didn't think he had all the peices in place. He bought Got from an central asian country in 1982 for 8 rolls of toilet paper, a Playboy, a Dukes of Hazzard Matchbox car and some junk bonds.

He raised Got as his own son and trained him to wrestle. The three boys rose to the tops of the smaller Canadian leagues, eventually dominating the WCW and NWA. McMahon signed them in 2004 to represent the WWE.

In 2005 Got PhilK, current intercontental champion, was in the locker room when he noticed something funny about Got Edge. The small scar on the lower neck of Got Edge brought back a happy memory to Got PhilK. He recalled a time of innocence when he and his younger brothers would play in mine fields with hot pokers and slap each other with them. His eyes welled up with tears and he reached for what he know saw was his long lost brother. "Boy number 4?" Got Edge turned to PhilK with a curious look in his eye. "Why do you call me that? I ... I know that name....that was my name."
"Yes, #4, you are a Got!"
"I....am....a.....Got?"
"Yes. You are Got BoyNumber4?! You are my little brother! I gave you that scar on your neck. Do you remember?"
"I.....you slapped me with.....a metal rod, yes?"
"Yes, as Got Boy2? and Got Boy3? held you down in the mine field!"
"Yes! Yes! I remember! Such happy days they were! So innocent!"
"Yes, YES! I did not think I would ever see you again."
"But...why was I sent away?"
"We ran out of toilet paper."
"OOOOOHHHHH, right. Yup. I remember. Must've blocked that out of my memory. Kind of, you know, demeaning."
"Yes, I guess so. But whatever. What is important is that you are here now. And we back together!"
"Yes Yes. Where are Got #2 and Got #3? And why were you the only one with a name?"
"I am the oldest, so I got a name. And 2 and 3 are dead. Mines got em. It was pretty funny. Sad. But, funny now. Well, funny then too. But sad. Anyhow....why do you wrestle with the Edge boys?"
"Because I am Got Edge. The raised me."
"They raised you? Silly boy, I see only one scar on you. And that was inflicted by me. They did a lousy job of raising you. One scar. They should be ashamed. A Got must be covered in scars. Come, I have a hot poker in my car. I will fuck your shit up, boy."
"Uhhhh....maybe later. I got to wrestle."
"NO - You will not wrestle with the Edge's anylonger. You are a Got and will act like one. We shall take the title from them. We will perfect moves, like the Got Hot Poker? and the Got Landmine? We will be unstoppable, little brother 4."

Upon learning of the true ancestory of their adoptive brother, the Edge brothers tried to coerce Got Edge back to the fold by telling him that the Got life was full of pain and torture, literally, and that he would be insane to leave his comfy Canadian culture. But blood is thicker than water and we find ourselves here tonight, with the title on the line.

As soon as the Chiso - Estrada match is through, we'll be getting on with this feud. Stay tuned.
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Old 04-21-2006, 02:53 PM   #209
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Quote:
Originally posted by UberBeaver
CliffEdge and Rockin Edge

Vs

GotEdge and GotPhilK

Tonight the Tag Team Belt is on the line. CliffEdge and Rockin Edge meet their former partner and brother GotEdge as he teams up with GotPhilK in a turn of events that can only happen in professional wrestling.

The Edge brothers, Got, Cliff and Rockin, trained in Alberta, Canada and perfected such devastating moves as the Edge Slam, the Edge Super Mega Combo, and the Edgetactular Spine Tingler Superplex Roll Slam. When they hit the WWE circuit in 2004 they immediately took the tag team belt and were so popular that Vince McMahon had to invent a belt for 3 man tag teams. But the glory was shortly lived.

Got Edge, smaller and darker than his two older brothers, learned that he was not a true Edge, but was instead a Got. He was sold into slavery at a young age and bought by the Edge family. Mr. Edge wanted to build a wrestling dynasty, but with only two sons, he didn't think he had all the peices in place. He bought Got from an central asian country in 1982 for 8 rolls of toilet paper, a Playboy, a Dukes of Hazzard Matchbox car and some junk bonds.

He raised Got as his own son and trained him to wrestle. The three boys rose to the tops of the smaller Canadian leagues, eventually dominating the WCW and NWA. McMahon signed them in 2004 to represent the WWE.

In 2005 Got PhilK, current intercontental champion, was in the locker room when he noticed something funny about Got Edge. The small scar on the lower neck of Got Edge brought back a happy memory to Got PhilK. He recalled a time of innocence when he and his younger brothers would play in mine fields with hot pokers and slap each other with them. His eyes welled up with tears and he reached for what he know saw was his long lost brother. "Boy number 4?" Got Edge turned to PhilK with a curious look in his eye. "Why do you call me that? I ... I know that name....that was my name."
"Yes, #4, you are a Got!"
"I....am....a.....Got?"
"Yes. You are Got BoyNumber4?! You are my little brother! I gave you that scar on your neck. Do you remember?"
"I.....you slapped me with.....a metal rod, yes?"
"Yes, as Got Boy2? and Got Boy3? held you down in the mine field!"
"Yes! Yes! I remember! Such happy days they were! So innocent!"
"Yes, YES! I did not think I would ever see you again."
"But...why was I sent away?"
"We ran out of toilet paper."
"OOOOOHHHHH, right. Yup. I remember. Must've blocked that out of my memory. Kind of, you know, demeaning."
"Yes, I guess so. But whatever. What is important is that you are here now. And we back together!"
"Yes Yes. Where are Got #2 and Got #3? And why were you the only one with a name?"
"I am the oldest, so I got a name. And 2 and 3 are dead. Mines got em. It was pretty funny. Sad. But, funny now. Well, funny then too. But sad. Anyhow....why do you wrestle with the Edge boys?"
"Because I am Got Edge. The raised me."
"They raised you? Silly boy, I see only one scar on you. And that was inflicted by me. They did a lousy job of raising you. One scar. They should be ashamed. A Got must be covered in scars. Come, I have a hot poker in my car. I will fuck your shit up, boy."
"Uhhhh....maybe later. I got to wrestle."
"NO - You will not wrestle with the Edge's anylonger. You are a Got and will act like one. We shall take the title from them. We will perfect moves, like the Got Hot Poker? and the Got Landmine? We will be unstoppable, little brother 4."

Upon learning of the true ancestory of their adoptive brother, the Edge brothers tried to coerce Got Edge back to the fold by telling him that the Got life was full of pain and torture, literally, and that he would be insane to leave his comfy Canadian culture. But blood is thicker than water and we find ourselves here tonight, with the title on the line.

As soon as the Chiso - Estrada match is through, we'll be getting on with this feud. Stay tuned.

brilliant!

Beav
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Old 04-21-2006, 02:57 PM   #210
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This is incredible! I bow to your creativity and wit, UB!
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