DMP's Funny Movie quotes

[DeadMansParty]

Just post your favorite Comedy quotes

From My big fat Greek Wedding

Nick Portokalos: Listen, you know. I really think you should say: eho tria orchidea. It means: everyone, let's come in the house. I think everybody will really like it.
Ian Miller: [mispronouncing] Eho tria orchidea?
Nick Portokalos: Yeah! That's good! Very good! You got it!
Ian Miller: I'm not falling for that again, Nick.
Nick Portokalos: What?
Ian Miller: Yeah, what. Angelo? How do you say: everyone, let's go into the house?
Angelo: Eho tria orchidea!
Nick Portokalos: Hum?
Ian Miller: Everyone: eho tria orchidea!
[in Greek: "I have three testicles!" - everybody laughs and Taki looks at Ian's crotch, surprised]

 

[Cin]

From Planes, Trains and Automobiles.
Not the funniest line ever but it cracks me up.

[waking up after sharing the same bed on the motel]
Neal: Del... Why did you kiss my ear?
Del: Why are you holding my hand?
Neal: [frowns] Where's your other hand?
Del: Between two pillows...
Neal: Those aren't pillows!

 

[DeadMansParty]

" Youre Mom goes to college"

 

[Cin]

Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.

 

[waynetravis]

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!"

-Airplane!

 

[MsPurrl]

"So many social engagements, so little time." (Gale Snoats, "Raising Arizona")

 

[DeadMansParty]

" Im wettin my jockey's over here"! from Anger manangment

 

[waynetravis]

Bartender: He's been struck by lightning... how many times has it been now, Reg?
Reg: S-s-s-s-s-s-s-six...
Chet: Six times?
Reg: S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-six-sixty-sixty-six times. In-n-n-n-n-n-n-In-n-n-n-n-n-n-In-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n the head!

- The Great Outdoors

 

[DeadMansParty]

Bartender: He's been struck by lightning... how many times has it been now, Reg?
Reg: S-s-s-s-s-s-s-six...
Chet: Six times?
Reg: S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-six-sixty-sixty-six times. In-n-n-n-n-n-n-In-n-n-n-n-n-n-In-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n the head!

- The Great Outdoors

I love that movie!!

I love when they take a picture with the oldest man in Canada but it turns out he's dead. And you gotta love the "old 96er"

 

[Hepburn1216]

It makes my lips numb just thinking about it...but if your friend is a good sailor and the boat is sea worthy...I'll go..ok...I'M SAILING!-What about BOB!

 

[MsPurrl]

"Yer killin' me, Smalls." ("The Sand Lot")

 

[DeadMansParty]

We got no food, we got no jobs, ...........our pets heads are falling off!

 

[Carek1230]

When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail.

(Forgetting Sarah Marshall-I that movie!!! The Collectors version has TONS of extra footage, interviews, behind the scenes, deleted scenes and several versions of the film. Brilliant!!)

 

[DeadMansParty]

" whats her name? UM SLIPPY SLAPPY SWAN SWAN SWASON? maybe its its on the brief case, OH YEA SAMSONITE, I WAS WAY OFF"

 

[Carek1230]

^LMAO!!! That's a good one and hits home! My dad used to be called Suitcase by his softball buddies from the last name Simpson, go figure) and so did I sometimes. Samsonite...suitcase...simpson....hahahahaha

 

[DeadMansParty]

" I hope you have hobo stab insurrance" from the movie ACCEPTED as they are investigating an old building at night

 

[Carek1230]

Nope, ain't got me no insurance, mister!!

Hey I just tried to send you a PM & got a msg saying you are all full up & need to clear some space out. I wanna send you an email or PM or something.....go onto AIM or clear your PM account out mate!

 

[hardyharhar]

What the heck, I use this one all the time........

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Spicoli (Sean Penn) walks into class late and hands Mr. Hand(Ray Walston) his registration card. Mr. Hand tears it up.....

S- "Hey bud, what's your problem?"
M.H.- "No problem at all" Mr Hand gives him back the pieces.
S- "You..........DICK!

 

[Carek1230]

I love this one...(I am on a Forgetting Sarah Marshall kick)

Matthew: I have a question for you real quick. What did you think of my demo? Did you get it?
Aldous Snow: I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.


(I love that Aldous line, I've used it on several instances...."I just carried on living my life" )

 

[LiliBe]

From the movie Pocahontas

John Smith tells Pocahontas "the tree's talking to me"

Last time a tree talked to a person this is what happened

 

[waynetravis]

I love that movie!!

I love when they take a picture with the oldest man in Canada but it turns out he's dead. And you gotta love the "old 96er"

Also love this line too from Great Outdoors:

"You may get the shits from the well water"

 

[Carek1230]

This isn't a movie line, but how Mighty Boosh comedian Noel Fielding handled hecklers at a 2006 gig which I think is brilliant!

Noel:
Have you finished with your travel card?
Have you finished with your travel card?
Have you finished with your travel card?
Have you finished?
Have you?
Have you finished?
Have you?
Have you finished?

Man1: *inaudible*

Noel: Are you interrupting again? Its you again, isnt it? There cant be two twats in that tiny area.

Man 2: Hey you suck!

Noel: Sorry?

Man 2: You suck!

Noel: Who, me or him?

Man2: Both of you!

Noel: Both of us? Youre.. youre third in that order though, surely. Even him, he's a total cunt, youre bett, uh, worse than him. Do I suck?

Man2: Yes!

Man1: Are you gunna shave your head?

Noel: Am I gunna shave my head? Jeez You suck, yes, are you gunna shave your head? Yeah, I am, yeah, this is what this is about. This is a hairdressers. This is the Barbers preamble before he comes out and cuts my hair. There's four of them and were gunna do a fucking quartet then I'm gunna stab you in the eyes with the scissors.

Man1: How do you put your trousers on?

Noel: Huh?

Man1: How do you put your trousers on?

Noel: How do I put them on? Is that a trick question?

Man1: Want me to show you?

Noel: I put them in the fire, then come down the chimney. And then at night, I take them off again to fuck your momma.

Man1: Youre not very imaginative!

Noel: Well I fuck her in an imaginative way. I dress her up as a penguin and then set fire to her.

*Man1 doesnt reply.*

Noel: Anything? I dont mind, I love these games, cmon. {sings from song}Silence is golden. Look at you, creepin off in the dark like Fergal Sharkey. Now you got nothing to say. Not very imaginative. Everyone hates you.

 

[DeadMansParty]

What the heck, I use this one all the time........

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Spicoli (Sean Penn) walks into class late and hands Mr. Hand(Ray Walston) his registration card. Mr. Hand tears it up.....

S- "Hey bud, what's your problem?"
M.H.- "No problem at all" Mr Hand gives him back the pieces.
S- "You..........DICK!

LOL when they play this part on TV the " DICK' comment is covered up by the most horrible voice over I have heard, sounds notthing like him, instead they say " YOU NERD", HAHA.

 

[JCOSTER]

Bartender: He's been struck by lightning... how many times has it been now, Reg?
Reg: S-s-s-s-s-s-s-six...
Chet: Six times?
Reg: S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-six-sixty-sixty-six times. In-n-n-n-n-n-n-In-n-n-n-n-n-n-In-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n the head!

- The Great Outdoors

My husband and kids love this movie along with Uncle Buck!

 

[JCOSTER]

Agador: I don't wear shoes because they make me fall down. (The Birdcage)

 

[Carek1230]

LOL when they play this part on TV the " DICK' comment is covered up by the most horrible voice over I have heard, sounds notthing like him, instead they say " YOU NERD", HAHA.

Gotta love a really piss poor curse word cover up in a classic old movie like that!

 

[DeadMansParty]

" We got no food! we got no jobs! Our pets heads are fallin off!

Dumb and Dumber

 

[Carek1230]

"When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail."

Surfing Instructor (Paul Rudd) in FSM

 

[Purplereign]

"Don't worry about it, I don't even have a piece of shit. I have to envy yours."

Ferris Bueller to Cameron

 

[DeadMansParty]

" whatever, doin about of Ziggy Pop, he's dead anyways, " Its Iggy pop and he's not dead Tommy went to see him last year".

Trainspotting