Oh hi, Interference. I haven't done a review here in a while, probably since
Watchmen or
The Dark Knight, but the last movie I saw warrants this kind of attention. The film being, of course, Michael Bay's latest explosion-porn opus,
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
There will be spoilers below, so don't read any further if you care to see it.
Going into it, I wasn't expecting much of anything. I had a free ticket from my purchase of the
Ghostbusters game, and some passes for some good free pizza, so I was walking in with no-strings attached, nothing to lose. And holy shit, I was wrong. The first film wasn't anything great, but it had two things I love a great deal: giant fighting robots and hot girls (or at least one). If Bay and his crack writing staff of Kurtzman/Orci/other guy can deliver something like that again, then I wouldn't have to waste 2 and a half hours of my time.
Didn't happen.
Instead, I, and everyone else in the theater, was treated to the most overblown, offensive, and self-indulgent display of anything a "modern" action film can bring. Apparently a shard of the giant power rock from the first movie was still in LaBeouf's jacket, and when he shook it out 2 years later, shit started to go down. After deciding to leave his smoking hot mechanic girlfriend and giant fighting robot car at home, he goes off to college to meet Obnoxious Roommate who just knows robots are out there, too. His mother and father are fraught with emotion that their son is leaving, and in their sadness, the mom accidentally eats a pot brownie. Another hot girl who just isn't quite what she seems (maybe because she enjoys hitting on The LaBeouf) shows up, and so does Dwight Schrute. LaBeouf touched the rock thing, which means he knows everything about this super-secret OTHER power source that the Decepticons are looking for, and in his displays of super-knowledge, makes a face like Jorma when he jizzes his pants:
Obviously shit blows up, and two major characters die and come back during the course of the movie (LaBeouf visits Robot Heaven, I shit you not). Unfortunately, it's not any of the three new characters. The new Autobot twins, who are arguably the most offensive racist caricatures I've ever seen on film, complete with bug-eyes, gold teeth, and a penchant for spewing out ebonics, repeatedly do stupid shit and actually claim at one point that they "don't like to read." Incredible. Then, there's an old British robot who walks with a fucking cane who exists only to take LaBeouf, The Fox, Obnoxious Roommate, and Barton Fink to Egypt for some good 'ol-fashioned exposition.
This is turning into a blow-by-blow description instead of a legit review, and for that, I apologize. In short, it's fucking terrible. The visual effects are incredible, and hell, I really dug the score and sound design throughout. Props to ILM and any of the technical crew, but everyone else drops the ball. Halfway through the film, it literally abandons its main plot and starts making up a new one as it goes along, not only confusing the audience, but the characters in the movie, too. And the way Bay stages the action sequences, kind of resembling a shaky-cam-style done by a guy with palsy, leaves everything muddled and incomprehensible.
The humor isn't humorous, the action isn't action-y, and everything else in terms of character, tension, and plot is thrown out the window. I don't expect every movie to be intelligent dissections into the human condition, but I do expect it to follow the rules in the own world that it creates, if that makes sense.
If you want to spend $10 for this lobotomy passed as entertainment, be my guest, and have fun seeing the robot testicles.
