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Old 03-14-2009, 01:27 AM   #166
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Since this story came out, I've heard many comments from teachers and other people who interact with teens on a daily basis, and they echoed what that article said. That they joke about their boyfriends beating them up, that they think battered women deserve it, etc.

It's disgusting, and it just makes me more angry and frustrated to think that here we have this big story in the national spotlight, and maybe we can have real conversations about this kind of thing, and it's just more of the same.

The whole thing is just very, very UGH, for lack of anything remotely resembling anything coherent to say at this point. There's so much I want to say, things I want to yell, I want to lecture, but all I can do is type furiously and say UGH.
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Old 03-14-2009, 03:10 PM   #167
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I have lost a lot of respect for Rihanna.
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Old 03-14-2009, 03:12 PM   #168
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I'm not sure if I can listen to her music now
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Old 03-14-2009, 04:35 PM   #169
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Rihanna's not like the average person. She has an entourage of bodyguards, other security, assistants, and God knows what else with her most of the time. There's no way anyone could walk up to her door and just knock away, unless she'd allow it. Also, if she wanted to see/hear from her family so badly, I don't think she would've suddenly changed all her means of contact. She's avoiding them for a reason. It's stupid, but there's really nothing they can do, especially when she has the means, financially and otherwise to go anywhere in the world she wants at any point in time. If they got on a plane tonight to go see her in L.A., (which is where she was the last time I heard), and she found out about it, she could get a private jet, and be in Europe tomorrow morning. That wouldn't be so easy for a lot of us.
I see where you're coming from, but she couldn't just up and leave for Europe. There's like a criminal investigation going on and stuff that she's like a part of.
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Old 03-14-2009, 04:45 PM   #170
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I see where you're coming from, but she couldn't just up and leave for Europe. There's like a criminal investigation going on and stuff that she's like a part of.
As far as we know they haven't placed any restrictions on her travel. The only time she could get in trouble for traveling would probably be if she does end up being forced to testify and tries to skip out of it.
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Old 03-15-2009, 02:34 AM   #171
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I'm not sure if I can listen to her music now
Speaking as someone who has a best friend who was in an abusive relationship (actually was married to the man who was abusing her), I don't blame Rhianna. She's scared of Chris Brown, and she thinks she can 'fix him.' I know my friend thought she could 'fix' her abusive husband, until it got to the point where her rose-tinted glasses came off, and she realized what a real piece of *$&% he really was.

I think Rhianna needs people rallying for her, instead of condemning her for sticking with Chris Brown. Like Tyra Banks said, love doesn't hurt, and Rhianna doesn't seem to realize that.
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Old 03-15-2009, 02:37 AM   #172
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i love the new trend on the internet where everything's reverted back to some horrible old school line of thinking. i can't think of how many times i've read online where some form of abuse against a woman is apparently her fault. i've read threads on rape and people post that they were "asking for" it. absolutely ridiculous. i don't know if these guys really believe that or if they just want to thump their chest and seem like some big masculine guy.
either way, it's a fucking dreadful line of thinking.

i'd really hope it's just a joke, but even as a joke it's particularly classless.
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Old 03-15-2009, 02:44 AM   #173
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I have lost a lot of respect for Rihanna.
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Speaking as someone who has a best friend who was in an abusive relationship (actually was married to the man who was abusing her), I don't blame Rhianna. She's scared of Chris Brown, and she thinks she can 'fix him.' I know my friend thought she could 'fix' her abusive husband, until it got to the point where her rose-tinted glasses came off, and she realized what a real piece of *$&% he really was.
Yes. You really can't blame a woman for going back. It's a vulnerability you can't truly understand until you're there. She's not thinking rationally or seeing the cold, hard reality right now. Hopefully she'll see it sooner than later. Hopefully she'll see it at all.
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Old 03-15-2009, 04:45 AM   #174
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Apparently, this duet was recorded before the abuse incident.
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Old 03-15-2009, 07:05 AM   #175
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Yes. You really can't blame a woman for going back.
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Old 03-15-2009, 10:52 AM   #176
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You obviously don't know anyone who's ever been in an abusive relationship.
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Old 03-15-2009, 11:26 AM   #177
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You obviously don't know anyone who's ever been in an abusive relationship.
I resent that.

As a matter of fact, I dated a woman for a year who's relationship just prior to ours was a seven-year relationship where the guy would beat the hell out of her DAILY. He kicked her down flights of stairs, put out cigarettes on her arms, poked her with needles for kicks, yanked big chunks of her hair right out, you name it. He would call up his friends just to come over, so they could get drunk and wail on her. She had broken bones, and still has scars (but never on her face or hands so it wasn't obvious).

Her situation, the way she related it to me, and the discussions we had about it formed my opinions on abusive relationships. She didn't keep going back to him because he kept promising her it would be different, or because she thought she could change him. She was in grade 11 when she started dating this guy, and moved from Alberta to Ontario after high school because he took a job in Ottawa. That's where he started to abuse her. She tried a few times to get out of it, but he controlled her finances and refused to let her get a job or leave the house on her own so she couldn't look for her own place, she had no friends in the city that weren't also friends of his, her family was halfway across the country, and she didn't tell them or the cops because she was certain he'd kill her if her family or the police got involved. So, she says she stayed because the only other option she thought she had was to either kill him or live on the streets, which to her was worse because at home she at least got three meals a day and a warm bed at night (she didn't know about shelter options at the time). It all came to a head when he stabbed her in the stomach one night in a drunken rage, and she HAD to go to the hospital or she would have died, and she broke down and told the doctor everything. He called up a shelter and the police, and the guy was arrested and put in jail. She lived in the shelter for a few months, got a job, and saved up enough money to move to the city where I am before she got a loan and started a university degree, where I met her.

The point of all this is that it is not always about a "cycle of victimization", or whatever you want to call it. Some women simply do not have any other choices. Her abuser took all the options she had away from her. Those are the women I feel worst for. Rihanna has options - she has money, she has bodyguards, she has a job, she has her own house, etc. She can choose to leave any time. She could fly to Australia on a whim if she wanted to. She could tell Chris Brown to fuck off and there would be bodyguards around her that could stop him from ever coming within sight of her. But, she CHOSE, freely and of her own volition, to go back to him. By no means did she "deserve" to be hit (as some of the scum of the scum has said). After the incident I had a great deal of sympathy for her and was actively rooting for her to show how strong she can be and stand up to Chris Brown. She doesn't have to put up with it. The fact that she freely chose to go back to a man who came within inches of beating her to death (from the sounds of it) made me lose a lot of the sympathy I had for her, because of the fact that she could very easily get out of that situation. She's not trapped like my ex was, she has a choice, and she chose the path that will almost certainly lead to her being abused again. It's a shame, but what the fuck?
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Old 03-15-2009, 11:45 AM   #178
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DaveC, that was a tough story.
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Old 03-15-2009, 12:18 PM   #179
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The point of all this is that it is not always about a "cycle of victimization", or whatever you want to call it.
That's an excellent point, and thank you for sharing your story.

Obviously, not all abuse situations are the same, and that goes for just assuming it's all the "cycle of abuse" like I did earlier.
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Old 03-15-2009, 12:26 PM   #180
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Speaking as someone who has a best friend who was in an abusive relationship (actually was married to the man who was abusing her), I don't blame Rhianna. She's scared of Chris Brown, and she thinks she can 'fix him.' I know my friend thought she could 'fix' her abusive husband, until it got to the point where her rose-tinted glasses came off, and she realized what a real piece of *$&% he really was.

I think Rhianna needs people rallying for her, instead of condemning her for sticking with Chris Brown. Like Tyra Banks said, love doesn't hurt, and Rhianna doesn't seem to realize that.
It's just that listening to her music is no longer fun anymore. It makes me think about her situation, which takes the fun out of her music.

I do feel sorry for her, and frankly, I'm scared she might end up like Whitney Houston who everyone knows was beaten often by Bobby Brown. Luckily, Whitney got herself out of that situation. Let's hope Rihanna does the same sooner than later.
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