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Old 09-10-2005, 12:47 AM   #1
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Bill Maher appreciation....

I caught the show tonite, with George Carlin on the panel again. Just great. If you have HBO, you must watch this!

Here are the "New Rules" from last weeks show, 9/2, the first post-Katrina. I can post tonite's highlights when they are posted on the HBO site....


September 2, 2005

MAHER: All right, it's time for New Rules, everybody. All right, New Rule: Now that they've been hit by hurricane, the Alabama National Guard has to call up President Bush. Since he never really reported for duty back then, get out your chainsaw, Mr. President, it's brush-clearing time.

New Rule: If President Bush is going to exclusively play to military audiences, he must carry a golf club like Bob Hope and tell the Marines that the mess in Iraq is bigger than Dolly Parton's boobs. Why is there a troop shortage in Iraq? Because so many of them have to be here doing photo-ops with this clod. This guy has shown his ass to more servicemen than a bar girl in Thailand. I'm mad now!

New Rule: Tulips aren't flowers. They're some kind of gay onion.

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

You know, I was once beat up after school, and believe me, I would gladly trade that pummeling for a session of oral sex with my French teacher - no matter how much his mustache tickled.

And finally, New Rule: Defenders of the war in Iraq must stop comparing it to the American Revolution.

DYSON: Thank you, thank you.

MAHER: Yes. The only thing the Iraqi leadership has in common with our founding fathers is that neither of them used deodorant. Now, the sight of Iraqis having a constitutional convention has put a lump in the throat of Bush, Rumsfeld and Cheney, all of whom have compared the American patriots of 1776 to our soldiers in Iraq today, mostly because they're using the same equipment.

Let's just mention a few ways this analogy breaks down. One: the American Revolution was a home-grown rebellion fought with guerilla tactics against an occupying army of foreigners and mercenaries. Okay, that is exactly what's going on in Iraq. Oh, except for one thing: This time, WE'RE ENGLAND!

DYSON: Right, right, right.

MAHER: You need proof? The only people on our side? England. Uh-oh, wait a second, our teleprompter just went down. [he pulls script out of his jacket] That's why I always carry it with me.

DYSON: Bill, you are prepared.

MAHER: Isn't that something? I have to say, I was never a Boy Scout. I would have made a damn good one. No, no, I don't need your cards. I've got it right here.

DYSON: Bill, direct FEMA. Let him direct FEMA!

MAHER: The only people on our side: England. Turns out, home field advantage, very important in wars. Also, a huge difference when it came to the big, basic issues. Our founding fathers were all pretty much on the same parchment. It wasn't like Jefferson was for representative democracy but Adams and Madison were ultra-orthodox clerics chanting the Bible.

But Iraq, you know what Iraq is like? Okay, take Pat Robertson, put him in the desert...oh, that's good. The American Revolution was nothing like what's going on in Iraq. Our founding fathers didn't have thousands of years of bitter feuds and grudges between them. Franklin's people had not gassed Hamilton's people.

Our framers were a homogenous group comprised only of white, land-owning males. Today, we would hardly call that a constitutional convention. We'd call that a Republican Convention.

"We, the people" did not include women, blacks, gays or Indians. It took another 200 years to become "We, the Village People..." Or, as Ben Franklin said at the signing, "Who are we forgetting?"

But I have not lost hope for Iraq. The sons of Mesopotamia do have greatness in their history. And although the obstacles are many, there is one thing that binds the Sunni, the Shiite and the Kurd: they hate the f*** out of us.

All right, thank you very much. Michael Eric Dyson, Bradley Whitford, Mary Berry. You've been a great audience. I thank you for coming on a difficult night for us. Thank you very much.
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Old 09-10-2005, 01:51 AM   #2
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I really liked it when Bill Maher did "Politically Incorrect" as that was a GREAT show ...
As for this show, I can't "tune in" since I no longer have HBO ...
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Old 09-10-2005, 02:17 AM   #3
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Never heard of him, one or two nice lines in that transcript however. Doubt I'd like him much.
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Old 09-10-2005, 03:17 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by MsMofoGone
I really liked it when Bill Maher did "Politically Incorrect" as that was a GREAT show ...
As for this show, I can't "tune in" since I no longer have HBO ...
you can still visit his website - don't know if they post clips like they do for the Daily Show/Jon Stewart.

PH - do you like anything?
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Old 09-10-2005, 03:48 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lila64
PH - do you like anything?
Like I said, one or two good lines from him. I just doubt I'd like him, though I wouldn't dislike him. Its not like I am saying negative things in an appreciation thread, I'm saying indifferent things in an appreciation thread, I see nothing to say that is wrong in the FAQ. I like plenty of things:

U2
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Old 09-10-2005, 05:18 AM   #6
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wow, I made the list! Granted you can't tell a lot from the post I made, but it's all I could find. You have to see it at least once, especially with the 3 member panel discussion. They do a remote or 2 (or 3) with guests. Last week they did one with Anderson Cooper of CNN while he was in LA. (or MS.). This week he had Kirt Vonnegut on. I hope they post the transcript on the HBO/Maher site...
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Old 09-10-2005, 07:37 AM   #7
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Well, I've never seen him.... but I know that he got fired from politicly incorrect after 9/11. Don't know what he had said exactly....

BYE
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Old 09-10-2005, 02:30 PM   #8
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Re: Bill Maher appreciation....

I'd heard that he'd been fired from "Politically Incorrect" because, right after 9/11, he said something about how the people who flew the planes into the towers weren't cowards. And apparently a lot of people got really offended. I guess they must've missed the title of his show: "Politically INCORRECT".

But now he's on HBO and doesn't have to abide by any restrictions on what he can and can't say.

Anywho...

Quote:
Originally posted by Lila64
I caught the show tonite, with George Carlin on the panel again. Just great. If you have HBO, you must watch this!
I saw that last night, too . Boy, George and Bill were not letting up on the administration at all! I actually felt kinda bad for the conservative guest, LOL...he had, like, no support whatsoever from anyone in that room.

Also...

Quote:
Originally posted by Lila64
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

You know, I was once beat up after school, and believe me, I would gladly trade that pummeling for a session of oral sex with my French teacher - no matter how much his mustache tickled.
...oh, my god... I liked the new rule on last night's show about bathroom attendants, too. I love the "New Rules" segment .

Angela
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Old 09-10-2005, 03:17 PM   #9
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Yeah, the conservative guest had no support, but he didn't deserve any Probably an upper class whitey... (no offense )

New rules are always great. Glad someone else enjoys him as I do for Angela!
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Old 09-10-2005, 04:04 PM   #10
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Re: Re: Bill Maher appreciation....

Quote:
Originally posted by Moonlit_Angel
I'd heard that he'd been fired from "Politically Incorrect" because, right after 9/11, he said something about how the people who flew the planes into the towers weren't cowards.
What a shame !!
That was the BEST talk show (next to Oprah) that I've seen in a long time. I really miss it !!


Quote:
Originally posted by Moonlit_Angel
And apparently a lot of people got really offended.
I never knew that ... apparently those people were "incorrect" in feeling so. I think alot of people just wanted "payback" as that show never got the recognition it deserved ... alot of people must
have disliked it, because the show's T.V. ratings were always bad ...

Quote:
Originally posted by Moonlit_Angel
I guess they must've missed the title of his show: "Politically INCORRECT".
Totally agree !!
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Old 09-10-2005, 04:08 PM   #11
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I bill maher!

I have have his New Rules book that came out recently and it is absolutely hilarious. I still need to go pick up When You Ride Alone You Ride with Bin Laden.

My favorite line from his new rules segment from last night's episode was after he was listing things that had gone wrong during Bush's admin he said something like "and now we have the Bush family nightmare, helping poor people". I laughed so hard when he said that!
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Old 09-10-2005, 04:09 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lila64


you can still visit his website - don't know if they post clips like they do for the Daily Show/Jon Stewart.
I looked and didn't see any clips available on his site, let me know when this is on HBO ... I can have a friend tape it for me, as I would really like to see it, then I can stop wondering if it's better than Politically Incorrect was ...
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Old 09-10-2005, 04:10 PM   #13
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I never really watched politically incorrect, I was in high school then and not really interested, but I think that it's great that he's on hbo now and doesn't have to have a bunch of stupid celebrities on and can say whatever he wants (well if you have hbo that is ).
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Old 09-10-2005, 04:12 PM   #14
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they don't have video clips that i know of but i haven't really looked because i have dial up, but if you go to billmaher.com right on the front page they have audio of the new rules segment for that week.
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Old 09-10-2005, 04:17 PM   #15
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^ Thanks for the info ILuvLarryMullen ... I'll check it out !!
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