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Old 01-10-2007, 12:37 PM   #1
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Would you be mad if you caught your lover looking at porn?

Ok, would you be upset if you caught or found out that your significant other was looking at porn? Or has your significant other been pissed at you for looking at porn?
I guess a quick backstory is needed. I meant my fiance 3 years ago. Before I met her, I was single for a LONG time. Anyway, over at Yahoo, they have this section thats called clubs/groups. They have groups there that post explicit photos for free. Because I'm frugal with my money, I would peruse these groups instead of going to a bonafied site and being charged or having pop-ups come up at the wrong time. I had been doing this years before I met my fiance. Now, I see my fiance about 4-5 days a week.(we don't live together yet.)Every once and a while I would stop off at Yahoo groups and "utilize" some of the photos when she WASN'T around. One night, I was reading news on the internet when she was around. Secretly, she wanted to know what I was reading, but I had nothing to hide. I was reading the bloody news. The next morning, I had to go out, so she decided to take a look at my History to see what I was indeed looking at. What she saw mortified her. She reacted very badly. I wasn't looking at anything that night, but earlier in the week(when she wasn't around) I was and that's what she saw. Now, remember, she did violate my privacy. Plus, I don't snoop around on her computer. She felt hurt and betrayed and all that stuff which I understood. But, I explained to her that I loved her and men operate differently. We had a long conversation about it and I told her everything. I deleted all of the clubs and now I no longer look at porn on the net. Unfortunately, the story isn't over. Everytime I go home from her house, she thinks I'm gonna watch porn. As a result, we're now in couples therapy because we've got to get over this bump in our relationship. Thanks for listening to my story.
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Old 01-10-2007, 12:42 PM   #2
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porn is not personal , use torrents next time
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Old 01-10-2007, 12:42 PM   #3
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Respecting privacy is important and I'm guessing it's not a shared computer and she had no good reason for checking your history?? I'd be pissed
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Old 01-10-2007, 12:43 PM   #4
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Nope, unless it was kiddy porn.
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Old 01-10-2007, 12:46 PM   #5
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Yes, red, I was pissed! But, I had to deal with her being pissed first. LOL!
What are torrents?
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Old 01-10-2007, 12:55 PM   #6
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no.

unless it was straight porn.
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Old 01-10-2007, 12:55 PM   #7
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Torrents are a trackers that enable the peer to peer transfer of data; be it applications, TV epiodes or even pornography. Google bittorrent.

I was expecting the first post to have the ounchline "I'd hate myself"
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Old 01-10-2007, 12:56 PM   #8
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I can't get past the fact that she checked your history. That is so wrong!

But to answer you orignal question, I don't have the slightest problem with the fact that my husband looks at porn. I'm secure enough to know that it has nothing to do with me or how he feels about me and I think he appreciates that he doesn't have to sneak around or keep it a secret from me.

And you shouldn't have to stop looking at porn at your own computer, in your own home, on your own time.
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Old 01-10-2007, 12:57 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by Irvine511
no.

unless it was straight porn.
That would be videos filled with penises and women; yeah, i've always wondered what makes that hetero
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Old 01-10-2007, 12:58 PM   #10
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I would be upset that she had checked my history over anything else. That's violating your space.
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Old 01-10-2007, 01:00 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bono's American Wife
I can't get past the fact that she checked your history. That is so wrong!

But to answer you orignal question, I don't have the slightest problem with the fact that my husband looks at porn. I'm secure enough to know that it has nothing to do with me or how he feels about me and I think he appreciates that he doesn't have to sneak around or keep it a secret from me.

And you shouldn't have to stop looking at porn at your own computer, in your own home, on your own time.
He does not!


seriously my anger at the privacy violation would have trumped her anger at the porn.

Oddly this has happened to me wasn't porn just reading my email and logging on this site as me
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Old 01-10-2007, 01:19 PM   #12
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I agee with all of you. She hasn't looked at my computer since, but I've turned it off when she's around. I did try to drive home the message that she violated my privacy, but she felt much worse then I did when she saw what I was looking at. She has admitted that she has some esteem issues that she's trying to work through. Obviously, me looking at porn didn't exactly help. lol! Hence, why we're going to therapy together. The therapist told me to leave at some point because I was very open about everything and she wanted to talk to my fiance alone.
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Old 01-10-2007, 01:31 PM   #13
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Well I can certainly understand, since she has self-esteem issues, why it was an issue for her. It's great that you're going to therapy together, good for you. Hopefully you can work out both the porn and the privacy issues.

I wouldn't want to judge her for how she feels or why she looked at your history, it's different for each person and why they would feel a certain way about porn. I'm not saying she was right to do that, but that would give you an opportunity though to work on certain issues in your relationship- so from that point of view it's a positive.

If it's not too personal, do you think you could give that up if that's what the therapist suggested?
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Old 01-10-2007, 02:34 PM   #14
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Yes, I can give it up. I just use my imagination when she's not around. Thanks for the kind words.
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Old 01-10-2007, 02:40 PM   #15
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perhaps you should change your username to:


MrPryck2onlyU

(since we know she is snooping)
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