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Old 01-18-2007, 02:06 PM   #91
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Well it's great that any woman is secure in herself, but at the same time we shouldn't judge anyone who isn't-female or male. There might be men who would have issues with their partners, spouses looking at porn too. And there might be secure women who have issues with it for other reasons-to say or imply that someone who as any sort of issues with it somehow isn't secure enough isn't fair in my opinion. Are the men secure enough to communicate with their partners, and to recognize when there are problems? Or do they use porn as some sort of escape from all that? In some instances, definitely.

MrPryck took the great step of going to counseling. It is potentially about so many issues in the relationship besides sex, and he recognized that. Every relationship is unique and different, and it needs to be dealt with accordingly.
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Old 01-18-2007, 02:15 PM   #92
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Let's get an Amen for NightandDay!
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Old 01-18-2007, 02:28 PM   #93
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Quote:
Originally posted by Irvine511




"Ugly Betty" is a very popular new TV show in the States -- sort of a knock-off of "Devil Wears Prada" -- and it stars a non-stereotypical female character (read: Latino, glasses, awkward, not anorexic-looking) trying to make it in New York's fashion world. the actress's name is America Ferrara and she just won a golden globe.

and i think Salma Hyack shows up from time to time.

who's the female photographer?

Ugly Betty is the American version of a soap from Mexico and Salma Hayek is the one of the producers.

I've read an interview with her about her now producing and the series itself.
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Old 01-18-2007, 02:35 PM   #94
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
Well it's great that any woman is secure in herself, but at the same time we shouldn't judge anyone who isn't-female or male. There might be men who would have issues with their partners, spouses looking at porn too. And there might be secure women who have issues with it for other reasons-to say or imply that someone who as any sort of issues with it somehow isn't secure enough isn't fair in my opinion. Are the men secure enough to communicate with their partners, and to recognize when there are problems? Or do they use porn as some sort of escape from all that? In some instances, definitely.

MrPryck took the great step of going to counseling. It is potentially about so many issues in the relationship besides sex, and he recognized that. Every relationship is unique and different, and it needs to be dealt with accordingly.



I was stating only what worked for me, followed by few opinions.
I guess though that age and maturity does matter in a situation like this.
It was a coming to terms within myself that men are going to do it,
no matter if you are 265lbs (which i was at one time) or 127 lbs ( which is what i got to be.)
Whether you are average in looks or model material.
I have never been called ugly, and wondered why no matter what i did, what i learned, what i dressed up in,
how often i offered myself, i was constantly rejected by him.
So much pain was caused by what i thought was my fault.
I wasnt enough for him.
So i thought.
But after everything, paired with the constant attention from other men,
knowing i was an excellent wife, mother, lover, everything, and still didnt get the affection and attention from him,
i realised it was nothing to do with me AT ALL.
So, i decided i was good enough, no matter what, and i left him.

I also told myself i would never let another man make me feel the way he did.
I decided to accept that guys are going to look at porn and wank off,
no matter how beautiful, gorgeous and flawless you are..
no matter how many times you fall to your knees for them and no matter how much you give them everything you think they want.

I did, it worked FOR ME, i feel free and beautiful, with or without any mans acceptance of me...
I dont expect it to be an answer for everyone.
But FOR ME, it isnt worth my energy to stop the unstopable.
It doesn't make me feel less a woman or less sexy,
i know my guy is excruciatingly happy.
It doesn't define me.
I define me.
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Old 01-18-2007, 02:59 PM   #95
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BTW...
I feel the need to state the obvious...
We are talking about adult pornography, legal and completely consentual (ms?) between all involved.
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Old 01-18-2007, 02:59 PM   #96
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
Well it's great that any woman is secure in herself, but at the same time we shouldn't judge anyone who isn't-female or male. There might be men who would have issues with their partners, spouses looking at porn too. And there might be secure women who have issues with it for other reasons-to say or imply that someone who as any sort of issues with it somehow isn't secure enough isn't fair in my opinion. Are the men secure enough to communicate with their partners, and to recognize when there are problems? Or do they use porn as some sort of escape from all that? In some instances, definitely.


a question for you -- would it be withing the bounds of "acceptable" for a woman to, say, ask that her husband not masturbate because it made her feel uncomfortable or insecure?

i understand your point about porn -- people can not be threatened by it but have a moral objection to it (legal porn) or problems about what it does to society and in the same way that, say, someone might ask that their spouse not smoke or even drink alcohol.

but i'm wondering how far this goes ... if we are to say that some women are made to feel uncomfortable by porn (which is understandable) and we respect their right to ask that their partners not look at porn, can we go further and say that if a woman is made to feel uncomfortable at the thought of their partner masturbating (why isn't he having sex with me? why does he need to do that when i'm in his bed everynight? am i not pretty enough? what is he thinking of when he masturbates), do they have defensible grounds to ask their partners not to masturbate?
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Old 01-18-2007, 03:08 PM   #97
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What if you tell your partner that you were fantasizing about the two of you together while you were pleasuring yourself?
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Old 01-18-2007, 03:31 PM   #98
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrPryck2U
What if you tell your partner that you were fantasizing about the two of you together while you were pleasuring yourself?
You mean just make that up to pacify her, or actually fantasize about the two of you?
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Old 01-18-2007, 03:45 PM   #99
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Quote:
Originally posted by Irvine511

a question for you -- would it be withing the bounds of "acceptable" for a woman to, say, ask that her husband not masturbate because it made her feel uncomfortable or insecure?
I think that what is "acceptable" always exists within the context of each relationship, and it is very difficult to remove it from that context. For me what is acceptable is to discuss these things openly and honestly, the problems begin when that communication stops. It's all about the context in which the masturbation and anything else is happening, after all it's natural human behavior to do that and it can have nothing whatsoever to do with your relationship. It can become unhealthy, and that's when it becomes an issue. By unhealthy I mean obsessive and if it is in avoidance of other issues, sexual or otherwise, in the relationship. Or it can be healthy and not a problem. It's all about communication and being comfortable enough with that person to talk about all that stuff. I would have issues with a guy who was secretive about porn and any related issues, that would be the main issue for me. And if it existed in the context of other problems and issues in the relationship. And if he didn't respect me enough to be open and honest about all that stuff, and to listen to what I had to say about it and care about my feelings.

I don't think age or maturity has much to do with the whole porn issue either. There can be older people who deal with it in certain ways and younger ones who can deal with it openly and honestly.
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Old 01-18-2007, 04:00 PM   #100
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrPryck2U
Let's get an Amen for NightandDay!
Of course, but if it's not too personal-do you have expectations of your fiance (if you are engaged, sorry I can't remember) to be able to feel the way night and day does, or do you just accept that she feels the way she does and feel that you will just have to do your best to deal with that, or do you think you could somehow help her eventually feel the way that night and day does?
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Old 01-18-2007, 04:08 PM   #101
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Quote:
Originally posted by joyfulgirl


You mean just make that up to pacify her, or actually fantasize about the two of you?


in my relationship, an ongoing joke is that we always tell each other that we only think of the other.

which we know is a lie, but it's fun and funny and we enjoy talking about hot guys together.






i just don't agree with him on the hotness or not of Nick Lachey.
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Old 01-18-2007, 04:16 PM   #102
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Well forget about porn, Nick Lachey could definitely be a deal breaker
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Old 01-18-2007, 04:48 PM   #103
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen


I think that what is "acceptable" always exists within the context of each relationship, and it is very difficult to remove it from that context. For me what is acceptable is to discuss these things openly and honestly, the problems begin when that communication stops. It's all about the context in which the masturbation and anything else is happening, after all it's natural human behavior to do that and it can have nothing whatsoever to do with your relationship. It can become unhealthy, and that's when it becomes an issue. By unhealthy I mean obsessive and if it is in avoidance of other issues, sexual or otherwise, in the relationship. Or it can be healthy and not a problem. It's all about communication and being comfortable enough with that person to talk about all that stuff. I would have issues with a guy who was secretive about porn and any related issues, that would be the main issue for me. And if it existed in the context of other problems and issues in the relationship. And if he didn't respect me enough to be open and honest about all that stuff, and to listen to what I had to say about it and care about my feelings.


EXACTLY.
I 100% agree with you.
I believe i am doing exactly that.
There is the open communication between us, its not a secret anymore,
there is no reason for it to be hidden when there is communication.
Thats my point.
This is really personal,
but i actually have encourage my bf to do it.
There are times i just dont feel like it,
or im leaving for a night or 2.
Ill even tell him im going to 'leave him alone for a while' after i get out of bed on a Saturday morning.
Hell he went away for almost a week and when we talked,
i made sure he WAS doing it!
Besides being a relaxing/releasing activity , it makes for more interesting/sexy/hot time when we are together.
I ask him what he thinks about during those times,
and we enjoy talking about it.
Im might be getting away from the pornography thing here
but what i am trying to say is its going to happen whether a relationship is strong or not.
And def. whether there is or isnt pornography material to look at.
Would anyone feel better knowing their husband is wanking off to the nieghbors daughter laying out by the pool?
Or just thinking about the cleavage on the blonde he saw today at the grocery store?

Maybe not EVERY guy does, ie: impotent or dead men...
but i think its unfair and unrealistic to ask a man (or woman) not to masturbate.
Really funny thing is...i dont, well, havent in a very long time.
But if i felt the need to release, i would.

I am not disagreeing with you here, again, i am merely sharing what has been beneficial to ME.

And just a side point here...if every woman who feels or believes that she should be the only source of pleasure to her man...
I have a challenge for you.
For one week, ask your guy to tell you everytime he is horny and wants to come.
Ask him to tell you everytime he thinks about sex.
Agree that everytime he tells you, you will please him in whatever capacity he is desiring or having fantasies about.
You cant use any excuse to say no:
no babies, no dinner to make, no feeling fat, or your feet hurt, etc.

I guarantee you this... you will never be off your back, knees, all fours...you get my point.

Go on, i dare you.
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Old 01-18-2007, 05:29 PM   #104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Irvine511




"Ugly Betty" is a very popular new TV show in the States -- sort of a knock-off of "Devil Wears Prada" -- and it stars a non-stereotypical female character (read: Latino, glasses, awkward, not anorexic-looking) trying to make it in New York's fashion world. the actress's name is America Ferrara and she just won a golden globe.

and i think Salma Hyack shows up from time to time.
Some further "cultural" (multi!) notes...I learned of the original version, named like "the prettiest ugly girl" I think, en espanol,
maybe "La Fea mas bella" or some such, when I was trying to catch world cup soccer games that our crappy american coverage wasn't showing, and tuned into Univision.
The ads were funny; the character looked very similar, her name maybe was betty, and the context (fashion world stuff) was the same. Salma Hyack was involved in producing this version, taking it from the world of spanish soap operas (I think it sort of counted as one...spanish soap operas are a very interesting genre btw) to primetime US TV. I haven't seen it, but I'd guess it might be informed and inspired by some of the off-beat spanish soap opera sensibilities. I sensed it was a very popular show on Univision!

Salma Hyack

cheers!
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Old 01-18-2007, 05:45 PM   #105
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Hayek is her last name

We had the same soap over here in Germany called In Love in Berlin (Verliebt in Berlin), but that was shit and I never watched it.
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